Robert Bobroczkyi is a 7-foot-6, 184-pound Romanian, and of course, he plays basketball. Bobroczkyi’s only 15 years old, however, so he’s being treated delicately as he stays at a hoops academy in Rome. Growing boys need their food, and since Bobroczkyi is a towering, growing boy, he needs even more food.
Giacomo Rossi, the general manager of Stellazzurra Basketball Academy, told the Associated Press that this basketball season will be used to preserve Bobroczkyi’s health and make him stronger, because it’s concerning to see a human run like this:
Bobroczkyi is purportedly in perfect health. His running style will supposedly smooth out as he gets older:
Bobroczkyi runs awkwardly because his hips are slanted.
“The problem with his hips is normal for someone of his height,” [physiotherapist Daniele] Comandini said. “He grew so rapidly that his hips don’t correspond with the other bones yet.”
What’s the Italians’ nutrition plan to help this boy grow nice and strong? You guessed it: pasta. Pasta for breakfast. So much goddamn pasta:
8 a.m. — Breakfast: 10.5 ounces (300 grams) of pasta, either plain or with tomato sauce; eight slices of toast with bacon and an egg.
9:30 a.m. — Snack: energy bar or drink
10 a.m. to 12 p.m. — Physical therapy: stretching, coordination, posture exercises
12 p.m. — Snack: energy bar or drink
1 p.m. — Lunch: 14 ounces (400 grams) of pasta, meat or fish, vegetables
2 p.m. — Rest
2:30 p.m. — Snack: sweets
3-5 p.m. — Gym: muscle strengthening
5:30 p.m. — Snack: sweets
6 p.m. — Rest
8 p.m. — Dinner: 10.5 ounces (300 grams) of pasta, meat or fish, vegetables, dessert
9:30 p.m. — Sleep
We’re assuming that the academy’s nutritionist is an 87-year-old grandma who pokes the boys with a wooden spoon while yelling, “Eat! Eat! You too skinny!”
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.