Jabari Parker's Shorts Game Is Extremely Strong

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Get a load of this cool motherfucker:

That’s a fabulous play by Milwaukee’s Jabari Parker, of course—a burly 6-foot-8, 250-pound forward cruising coast-to-coast and finishing with a graceful little quasi-Euro-step as traffic catches up to him—but the main thing I want to draw attention to, here, is Parker’s legs. Look how much of them he’s got! He led all scorers with 28 points in yesterday’s Bucks-Wizards game, but he also led them all in total exposed man-thigh inches, by like 200, and that is much cooler.


He almost looks like Chuck!

Shorts have been getting shorter and tighter in the NBA for a few years now, but most players still hide their legs behind configurations of compression leggings and pads and such. Even some of the young guys who’ve really run with the short-shorts thing, like Boston’s Jaylen Brown and Washington’s Kelly Oubre Jr., hedge against the spectacle of a pair of bared thighs by modestly covering one or the other. Which is fine, really, and even sometimes actively cool-looking. To be honest, I didn’t even know I wanted somebody to re-break the bare-thigh barrier until yesterday afternoon, when Jabari Parker was cooking in the post with miles of leg just hanging out there and I heard myself screeching “Damn, he actually looks cool as hell!” at my television and kids.


I hereby gladly rescind Jabari Parker’s inclusion on the list of young NBA players who are butt. He’s extremely good and I love him.