Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion
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• It must have been frustrating for Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck to have reached nearly the pinnacle of his profession, and, as a reward, be forced to be a supporting character as Terry Bradshaw promoted Failure To Launch. But hey, they're both bald; there's that.
• We cannot be relieved or happy to see a Jake Plummer with whom we are comfortable. We will say that he probably is better known for his interceptions now than he was 24 hours ago, which is why he should have just stayed in Arizona.
• Jerome Bettis? From Detroit.
• You know, we love that NFL Network commercial with all the dumb fan predictions — any official NFL production that makes a Sex Boat joke is fine with us, though, to be completist, we'd prefer a dopey fan saying something like, "Hey, those Carolina Panthers cheerleaders, they sure do just like having sex with men, don't they?" as his pal nods — but we still can't quite get behind "Mike Holmgren, Genius Coach." We're not sure why. If he wins in two weeks, we promise to change our tune.
• We saw highlights of Bill Cowher's last Super Bowl for Pittsburgh, 10 years ago, and, uh, he looks exactly the same. He must have looked like that at birth.
• OK, Seattle Seahawks fans, chirp up. We're not sure we actually know any Seahawks fans. Get fired up, people!
• Yeah, we know, it wasn't exactly the most exciting NFL day yesterday, and you probably just really want to talk about Kobe. We'll get there, we promise.


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