Sometimes, you just need to go to MediaTakeOut, a website that employs some of the finest prose stylists (seriously) of our time, and read an anonymous Instagram model’s account of how she ate NBA BALLER WHOSE NAME STARTS WITH A K’S butt, even though it was MUSTY.

Give me the goods, MTO:

Later, I was high and horny and so he took me to his room and took off his clothes and wanted me to give him head, and I was like OK. By the way - as big and lanky as he is, he has a very REGULAR sized d*ck.

His sh*t was a little MUSTY, but I didn’t care. Next he turned around and stuck his butt in my face. I was like WHAT?

I have never had a man just put his sweaty smelly butt in my face like that. I was like no, you have to wash it first. He started begging me like a little boy, saying that he loves [getting his azz eaten) and wanted me to smell it and tell him how nasty it was. Then he said he’d eat my azz afterwards.

I was high and drunk, and I’m embarrassed to say that I did it. It was disgusting, but I did it.

For all you detectives out there, here is a list of current NBA players whose names start with a “K.”

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K.J. McDaniels
Kalin Lucas
Kawhi Leonard
Kelly Olynyk
Kemba Walker
Kendall Marshall
Kendrick Perkins
Kenneth Faried
Kent Bazemore
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope
Kenyon Martin
Kevin Durant
Kevin Garnett
Kevin Love
Kevin Martin
Kevin Seraphin
Khris Middleton
Kirk Hinrich
Klay Thompson
Kobe Bryant
Kosta Koufos
Kostas Papanikolaou
Kris Humphries
Kyle Anderson
Kyle Korver
Kyle Lowry
Kyle O’Quinn
Kyle Singler
Kyrie Irving

h/t Keenan

Photo via Getty

[MTO]

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