OK, we've compiled the responses to our big scoreboard races database project, and we're gonna roll them out in three parts today. We start with the American League — National League and "other sports and minor leagues" will follow — and all the stadiums except for Edison Field in Anaheim/Los Angeles/Orange County/whatever are noted.
We'd like to thank everyone for helping out with this project: There's some truly entertaining stuff, no help to Camden Yards, which has the same, boring "Hot dog race," with ketchup, mustard and relish.
Baltimore Orioles (Camden Yards)
Competitors: Hot Dog Bun, Ketchup Bottle, Mustard Bottle.
Field Of Battle: Basepaths.
Notes: The bun apparently has a ridiculously high winning percentage.
Most are more fun than that one, but you get the drift. American League after the jump.
AMERICAN LEAGUE
East
Baltimore Orioles (Camden Yards)
Competitors: Hot Dog Bun, Ketchup Bottle, Mustard Bottle.
Field Of Battle: Basepaths.
Boston Red Sox (Fenway Park)
(The Red Sox currently have no scoreboard races, choosing instead to save their bets for post-game Golden Tee.)
New York Yankees (Yankee Stadium)
Competitors: Subway lines B, D and 4 trains, representing the three trains that go to the Stadium
Field Of Battle: Underground mass transit system.
Notes: From a reader: "The genius lies in the fact that New Yorkers are incredibly proud and arrogant. Living in NY, you have a tendency to take personal ownership over subway lines ("I live on the F" "Fuck you hippie! I live on the 6!" etc.) So people will naturally root for their own line. Most of the people that go to games at Yankee stadium will take a subway. If you don't live on one of the racing lines, you will most likely end up rooting for the line you came in on. Every New Yorker prides himself on knowing the ins and outs of the subway system, so whatever train they took will, invariably, be the best. Ihave heard guys in the bleachers say this exact phrase: "there is no fucking way the B can beat the D." Prompting the response "I know, these scoreboard races are full of shit."
Tampa Bay Devil Rays (Tropicana Field)
Competitors: Bobblehead dolls.
Field Of Battle: Waterskiing behind speedboats in a race course that winds past a few landmarks in Tampa.
Toronto Blue Jays (SkyDome)
Competitors: Different-colored airplanes.
Field Of Battle: Airports, apparently.
Central
Chicago White Sox (U.S. Cellular Field)
Competitors: Three types of pizza: Sausage, Cheese and Pepperoni.
Field Of Battle: Around the bases.
Notes: From a reader: "Sausage is heavy-lidded and is widely regarded to be under the influence of some substance or another. Cheese is chipper and fleet of foot, and pepperoni looks like he just doesn't give a shit."
Cleveland Indians (Jacobs Field):
Competitors: Hot dog toppings: Ketchup, Mustard and Relish.
Field Of Battle: Around the bases.
Detroit Tigers (Comerica Park)
Competitors: Dashing Donut, Biggie Bagel, Cuppy Coffee.
Field Of Battle: Some sort of track.
Notes: Historically, the Dashing Donut is dominant.
Kansas City Royals (Kaufman Stadium)
Competitors: Hot dog toppings: Ketchup, Mustard and Relish.
Notes: Morons pick relish.
Minnesota Twins (The Metrodome)
Competitors: Three horses (color-coded; red, blue and green).
Field Of Battle: A racetrack.
Notes: Sponsored by Canterbury Park, the local horse racetrack.
West
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
(No details as of yet)
Oakland Athletics (McPhee Coliseum)
Competitors: Dots.
Field Of Battle: Some sort of dot track.
Notes: Considered the first scoreboard race, though there is some debate. As always, Athletics Nation is all over this.
Seattle Mariners (Safeco Field)
Competitors: Hydroplanes.
Field Of Battle: Air and water, naturally, around a virtual Lake Washington, running through slalom gates, spinning out, what-not.
Notes: Always runs in the middle of the fourth inning. From a reader: "They race around Puget Sound and sometimes a sea monster will come up and grab one of them, but then of course at the end of the race the monster will release the hydroplane near the finish line to make it a close race. Also sometimes they crash but get an extra burst of speed at the end to make the race close."
Texas Rangers (The Ballpark At Arlington)
Competitors: Dots.
Field Of Battle: Vague blackish area.
Notes: If your coupon has the winning dot, you win a bottled water.