We wrap up our epic Scoreboard Races series with non-baseball and minor-league scoreboard races. Our favorite is, without a doubt, the minor-league hockey Chicago Wolves. They feature a race between Skates, the Wolves' mascot ... and late Cubs announcer Harry Caray. The restaurant that bears his name is just around the corner from the rink, but synergy aside, we love it. We hope Harry either wins every night, or he goes careening drunkenly off the ice. Whichever.
The rest of them after the jump, and again: Thank all of you out there for contributing and making this so much fun.
Brooklyn Cyclones (Keyspan Park):
Competitors: Hot dog costumes, done live: The chili hot dog, the mustard hot dog and the ketchup hot dog.
Field Of Battle: The bases.
Competitors: Skates (the Wolves' mascot) and former Cubs announcer Harry Caray. (Really.)
Field Of Battle: Around the city of Chicago.
Notes: The Harry Caray race is most directly related to the fact that there is a Harry Caray's restaurant in Rosemont near the stadium so that people will have a reason to go and get a cheap appetizer after the game.
Competitors: Rooster Booster, Ram Jam and Donkey Kick.
Field Of Battle: Riding vehicles through Des Moines.
Newark Bears (Riverfront Stadium)
Competitors: Commuter trains (like the PATH or NJ Transit trains, but with no logos.
Field Of Battle: A reader explains: "The trains would start in New York, come through a tunnel and go barreling across the Meadowlands to Newark Penn Station, which is about six blocks from the park. The fun part? The trains then crash through the wall of the station, a la the end of "Silver Streak" with Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder, then go roaring down the streets of Newark - with sparks flying from steel wheels on asphalt a nice touch — and come to a smoking stop in front of the stadium. Now you see why no train company logos."
New Orleans Zephers
Competitors: A crawfish, crab, and an alligator
Field Of Battle: The bases.
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Red Barons
Competitors: Three pieces of Anthracite Coal.
Notes: A reader: "The area was a huge mining zone in the early 1900's and I think the symbolism with the coal is that the coal will take years and years to better itself and turn into a diamond, just like every Phillies prospect before Ryan Howard."
Toledo Mud Hens (Fifth Third Field)
Competitors: The chili hot dog, the mustard hot dog and the ketchup hot dog race.
Field Of Battle:
Notes: The key to win bets is to stay away from the chili; it's disgusting.
Competitors: A hockey puck named Sin Bin, a basketball called Free Throw, a football called Long Bomb and a baseball called Home Run.
Field Of Battle: Just across the screen.
Competitors: Flying Coke bottles: Coke, Diet Coke and Cherry Coke.
Field Of Battle: The air throughout Iowa City.
Competitors: Bottles of Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Mountain Dew and Dasani bottled water.
Field Of Battle: Corporate sponsorship hell.
Competitors: The letters K,L,M,N,O,P (different sections of the stadium).
Field Of Battle: A Tecmo Bowl-esque football field.
Indiana Pacers (Conseco Fieldhouse)
Competitors: Indy cars.
Field Of Battle: Some sort of local racetrack or some such.
San Antonio Spurs (The Alamodome)
Field Of Battle: Some sort of dot track.
Indianapolis Colts (RCA Dome)
Competitors: John Deere tractors.
Field Of Battle: Football field.
Competitors: Shopping carts.
Field Of Battle: The aisles of local grocery chain Publix.
New York Jets (Giants Stadium)
Competitors: "Gamefaces," named Hot Lips, Rudy and "something else."
Field Of Battle: Through a field and city streets, avoiding cabs and blocking sleds.
Tennessee Titans (Adelphia Stadium)
Competitors: Molly Moo, Texas Pete, the Coca Cola Polar Bear and Ernie the Keebler Elf.
Field Of Battle: The aisles of grocery store Kroger.
Notes: If your cupholder has the winning character, you win a free half-gallon of milk.
Los Angeles Kings (Staples Center)
Competitors: Kenny, Cartman, Stan and Kyle from "South Park."
Field Of Battle: The arena itself; they drive around in little cards.
Notes: New this year, to promote KCAL's showing of "South Park" reruns in syndication.
New Jersey Devils
Competitors: Three convertibles (black, red, and white).
Field Of Battle: The New Jersey Turnpike, ending at the Meadowlands.
Toronto Maple Leafs
Competitors: Done live, five men come on the ice wearing 70s-style goalie gear.
Field Of Battle: The rink.
Notes: "Goalies" try to knock each other down, roller derby style.