cans Page 97 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jose Canseco Really, REALLY Wants To Get Into Film
Our favorite aspect of this whole steroid era in baseball has to be that the grand whistleblower was Jose Canseco. Baseball was so dirty in the '90s that this meathead was the closest we have to a hero. It's kind of awesome. (We own one of these shirts, by the way.)...
This T-Shirt Will Inject You With Something
A reader sends in this T-shirt he had signed about 20 years ago. It features signatures from Jose Canseco, Mo Vaughn and Roger Clemens, all three of which were prominently featured in the Mitchell Report last week....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you admire your new school pants ... • NFL: Baltimore at Cincinnati; Arizona at San Francisco. Oh, this is so on. [ESPN] • MLB: Braves at Mets. Putting the finishing touches on a division title? [SNY] • Pro Wrestling: WWE Monday Night Raw. TV Guide says about his listing: "Mr. McMah...
Osama Bin Drinkin' Is More Like It
"Hi, it's me again sports fans. Just to prove how many different kinds of crazy we are here here in the cave, we have now called for the deaths of decadent sexpots David Beckham, Wayne Rooney and Thierry Henry. Also, Justin Timberlake and P. Diddy have been added to the list. Act now, for these eter...
Jose Canseco Is Very Cautious With His Speech
Jose Canseco confounds us, because he's obviously a moron, yet he's pretty much the only guy who's been right about this steroid business from the beginning. It's like learning Charles Nelson Reilly came up with some cinematic innovation 20 years ago. Anyway, he's spouting off again, and this time h...
Like NBA Stars, But Smaller And You Can Eat Them
One of our favorite old sports stories involves Doug Flutie, when he was at the height of his Bills popularity, and then-Dolphins coach Jimmy Johnson. In the locker room before the game, Johnson, to presumably fire up his troops, destroyed a box of the Flutie Flakes cereal sold to benefit autism res...
May We Have A Word, Please?
One of our favorite Steve Martin lines: "Some people have a way with words. Other people, er ... I don't know, not have way, I guess." From Houghton Mifflin comes the list of 100 essential words that every high school graduate should know, and we are very pleased to see two of our old favorites, "fe...
Jose Canseco, Keeping Us Entertained For Nearly A Quarter Of A Century
Oh, 'tis a sad, sad day indeed when one is outwitted by Jose Canseco. As SportsbyBrooks so dutifly reported over the weekend, the man who once had a baseball bounce off his noggin for a home run has apparently convinced USA Today columnist Michael McCarthy that his non-existent TV reality show, Win ...
Misguided Sports Sartorial Decisions
Just Call Me Juice is doing a clever series in which they ask readers to tell the stories of their most embarrassing, rueful jersey purchases. Unsilent Majority keeps the series going with his gruesome tale of buying a Steve Spurrier Redskins jersey (with the number he wore as a player), though we d...
Jose Canseco Just Can't Catch A Break In This Business
We're trying to imagine something more sad than a once-proud athlete attempting to feed his ravenous need for competition by going against Tucker Carlson on a televised dancing show, and we think we've found it: Begging to be on "Dancing With The Stars" and being refused....
Fever Pitch ... Throughout History
The Sporting News has a good piece about the evolution of pitching, which we read with interest until seeing the dreaded word "gyroball," which tends to provoke in us the same reaction as the word "disco." But until then there are some fun tidbits, such as the fact that until 1881, the distance from...
Finally, Rik Smits And Michael Irvin Come Together
Aside from a cocaine-infused party at a French-Canadian brothel, I can't think of many ventures that could bring together the likes of Michael Irvin, Jose Canseco, Kordell Stewart, Darryl Strawberry and Claude Lemieux. Those four are part of the cast for the new season of Pros vs. Joes on SpikeTV....
Five Little Words That Started It All
As every schoolchild knows by heart, Nov. 19, 2004 was the date of the Malice in the Palace NBA brawl between the Detroit Pistons and Indiana Pacers. That of course is the fight in which the Pacers' Ron Artest went into the stands to tangle with fans, one of whom he thought had thrown a beverage a...
Actually, HERE'S Your Next Inspiring Real Life Story
We don't mean to take the piss out of AJ Daulerio's work earlier today, but it turns out that we already know what the next real-life baseball story will be dramatized on the big screen: It's Jose Canseco's!...
Google Video, Jose Canseco And You
We're not sure how we'd react if attacked by a leopard; probably curl up like an armadillo and roll toward the nearest large body of water. But we would hope that it would be a manly, dignified roll. We wouldn't want to go out squealing like a Girl Scout, as you can hear in this video. The reason we...
Canseco Pitching Debut Goes As You Probably Imagined It Would
There are many forms of self delusion. There's Kip from Napoleon Dynamite, who was "training to be a cage fighter." Then there's Jose Canseco, who beaned four batters, walked five and gave up a home run over 4 1/3 innings in his pitching debut with the Long Beach Armada on Wednesday, inspiring thi...
Jose Canseco Gets Familiar With Chico Police
You can take Jose Canseco out of the big leagues, but you can't take the big league out of Jose Canseco. Just hours after his victory in the Golden Baseball League's home run derby, Jose Canseco was involved in some kind of an incident with a woman outside of an Oxford Suites hotel room. No one wa...