el Page 2434 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Welcome Back, Barry and T.O! It's Like You Were Never Here
Well, the night you've all been waiting for is here. The return of two of our very favorite subjects is tonight: Barry Bonds and Terrell Owens. Bonds is slated to bat fourth tonight against the Padres, and people are wondering whether or not they're gonna start walking him again. Meanwhile, T.O. i...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as your hairline recedes considerably faster than the New Orleans floodwater ... • MLB: Padres at Giants. Barry throws down his crutches, returns to lineup. • Pickup basketball: NBA players' Hurricane Relief Game. • MNF: Eagles at Falcons. That lovable Terrell Owens plucks at your hear...
ESPN Ombudsman: You Kids Knock It Off!
Resident nerdy professor ESPN ombudsman George Solomon filed his newest impotent you-darned-kids column on Saturday, and, as usual, we imagine ESPN brass reading it, shaking their heada, chuckling, then tossing another few more Indonesian children on the fire. (It's gonna get cold in Bristol soon;...
Price For Mustache Rides Drops Dramatically
We can't help but notice something: It has been a bad few days for the mustache. Pittsburgh coach Dave Wannstedt is 0-2 as coach of his alma mater. Orioles steroid pariah Rafael Palmeiro is gonna hide for the rest of the season, probably for the rest of his career. And the patron saint of this, To...
Fun With Yard Work!
We are far from the first people to scream the genius of Yard Work, but we still kinda want to be the ones who do it the loudest. Calling the site "satirical" isn't doing it justice; the site is brilliant in mad, somewhat terrifying ways. (We were unable to read this week's story about Rickey Hend...
The Most Loathsome Talking Head of Them All
An enterprising young Atlanta Braves blogger, truly a guy after our own hearts, had become exhausted with screaming at his television set every time he turned on ESPN. As a way to rage against the machine, he set up The Road From Bristol, a 64-person bracket meant to resolve, once and for all, who...
McMichael's Wife Dropped From Fantasy Rosters
Just about two months after being arrested for throwing his wife from their car — it was his second arrest for spousal abuse within a year — Dolphins tight end Randy McMichael has pleaded out, accepting a misdemeanor of "trespassing," on his wife, in a similar way that Jason Christensen "trespasse...
Family Man Gary Sheffield
What's the best way to start your morning? Completely unsubstantiated but undeniably juicy rumors about supposedly "Christian" not-steroid-addled-at-all outfielders! Of course!...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while writing a musical based on the movie "Fargo" ... • NFL: Patriots give Raiders the ol' Three Stooges eye poke. • MLB: Pitcher Kyle Lohse takes a bat to Twins' locker room, providing yet another reason to dump the designated hitter. • MLB: Coco Crisp home run helps Indians move i...
A Steroid Family Feud
We know it's NFL Kickoff Night, and we know it's kind of a bummer to finish our first day with a post about baseball, but we just find it tough to resist a couple of steroids guys feuding. (We always imagine them having counterintuitive arguments about who has smaller testicles.)...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as Gilligan ascends to Sitcom Heaven ... • Your excuse to eat vast quantities of junk food is finally here: Raiders at Patriots kick off NFL season. • MLB: Angels at Red Sox. Converging fronts of negative mojo from Yankees, A's fans collide over Fenway, causing it to rain. • U.S. Open ...
Leftovers: Bud Selig's European Vacation
• Ducks across the pond: MLB to play games in Europe in '07? [MSNBC] • Westbrook serves Eagles with divorce papers. Wonder where he learned that from. [For The Birds] • Say it ain't so: Red Auerbach sent to hospital. [CelticsBlog.com] • Pickup game: LeBron, Kobe, KG in for Katrina relief. [Minneapol...
Kicking Off The Season With Satan
According to the The Boston Herald, which is being amusingly hush-hush about the whole thing, tonight's special guest at the NFL Kickoff Festivities will be Ozzy Osbourne. What does Ozzy Osbourne have to do with football? Well, Kanye West doesn't have anything to do with football either, and if Ozzy...
Michael Jordan Freaks Charles Barkley
We know this has been on the Web for a while, but still ......
Terrell Owens' Suspicious Charity
Now, far be it from us to accuse any athlete of being anything less than 100 percent magnanimous in all of his charitable endeavors ... but we couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at Eagles flapjaw wide receiver Terrell Owens' newest attempt to confuse human beings into mistaking him for a nice fell...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 11 a.m. NFL with Chris Mortensen: Our dream is to fight crime as an ESPN Insider. How can we join your elite ranks? • 1 p.m. FB with Mel Kiper: OK, at this point your credibility is so low you may as well work for FEMA. • 4 p.m. U.S. O...
Raffy To Apply His Cream Back Home, Alone, Sans Earplugs
He's tried earplugs, he's tried refusing interviews, he's even tried shaving the mustache (OK, wishful thinking there), but since none of that worked, Rafael Palmeiro is taking his burgeoning erection and going home. He's officially "rehabbing his knee," in the same way that Jimmy Hoffa was "garde...
Outdoor Life Network Wants Baseball. That's Kinda Cute
We're not sure how this is going to work out for them, but the Outdoor Life Network — all uppity after agreeing to be the main NHL network this season — is going to try to bid on Major League Baseball next season. The goal is to pry away those Sunday night and Wednesday night games when ESPN's con...
The Deprogramming of David Wells
It's a sad day when Boston fathead David Wells is turned into a Stepford Drone, but it has happened. On Monday, Wells blasted commissioner Bud Selig and essentially accused him of covering up the Rafael Palmeiro steroid bust, which, frankly, the rest of us all think too. But once Wells left his em...