ew Page 2900 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jamboroo, Week 10: Featuring Marmalard, A—hole Doctors, Depressed Bunnies, Goldfish, And Lots Of Other Stupid S—t
Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon....
Pedro's Offseason Workout Regimen
Far be it from us to tell a professional athlete how to live his/her life, but heavens, Pedro, you're turning into Schilling....
Marbury Wants You To Know That Only He Sells Cheapass Shoes
Considering he has testified under oath that he had sex with a Knicks intern in his car — and then helped get her a better job! — Stephon Marbury needs all the good PR he can get. Hence, those cheap sneakers he sells, which help inner city kids become more like Stephon Marbury, which is totally a go...
Dennis Is Here! Rejoice!
So is it mere coincidence that Dennis Miller starts his new sports show on Versus on the same day that we open our Sports Human of the Year nominations? (lowers glasses, looks thoughtfully at reader). We weren't born yesterday, babe. Sports Unfiltered with Dennis Miller kicked off on Tuesday, and if...
Don Shula Will Assign You An Asterisk And You Will Wear It
We knew there was something missing from the NFL season: An asterisk controversy. Of course. Well let's get right to it. Don Shula — who coached the 1972 Miami Dolphins to the only unbeaten season in NFL history — says that the Patriots should get an asterisk if they finish 19-0 this season....
Warriors Refuse To Come Out And Play
• Who Still Believes? A glaring absence of celebrity fans on Tuesday in Oakland, as the Warriors dropped to 0-4 with a 108-104 loss to the Cavaliers. My yellow "We Believe" T-shirt has only been worn once, and already is in danger of becoming obsolete. In the meantime, let's let Golden State of Mind...
Isiah, Knicks Manage To Stay Out Of Trouble For A Day
Ed. note: This was supposed to go up this morning, but better late than never.• Are You Going To Get In The Truck? First our Isiah Thomas quote of the day: "It's always good to win your home opener, and for us here in New York we struggled last year at the start of the season at home,'' Thomas said....
Patriots Fail to Cover Spread, Claim Hollow Victory
• Was there ever any doubt? You could tell that it was just a matter of time before Tom Brady and Randy Moss could stick a dagger through the Indianapolis defense. For three quarters Tony Dungy's Colts controlled the field, but you can't keep a good man down long, and the same can be said of Bill Be...
Peterson Breaks Rushing Record, Transubstantiates
Forget about rookie records, Adrian Peterson is going after bigger game. It's taken Minnesota's first-year wunderkind a mere eight attempts to break the NFL's record for rushing in a game. The 296 yard eruption led the Vikings to a 35-17 flattening of the San Diego Chargers and put Peterson over the...
New England Patriots Are The Saviors Of Alefgard
And there it is. The New England Patriots collected the Stones of Sunlight, the Staff of Rain, and the Token of Erdrick. Tom Brady will promptly whisk Princess Gwaelin away to a bed and breakfast somewhere south of Cantlin. Meanwhile, Bill Belichick will now reproduce a set of Erdrick weapons and ar...
Championship Team Takes 13-7 Halftime Lead Over Legendary Team
Marvin Harrison isn't playing in the game, which my keen awareness picked up on sometime in the first quarter. So the backup No. 1 wide receiver for the Colts happens to be Joseph Addai, I guess. He has 107 yards receiving on top of his usual job of 80 yards rushing. He's also filling in for three b...
Hoping The Patriots And Colts Play To A Tie Game
M'kay. It's getting to be that time, so let's get the Patriots-Colts preview out of the way. I hadn't even thought about who I thought would win this game until this weekend, when I put New England in my friend's NFL picks pool. It was a rather anticlimactic and unfulfilling finish to a week of spec...
The Reggies Are Running Rampant In New Orleans
Okay, which one of you smart-alecks told me that the Jaguars had a good defense? Because then I went and told everybody, including my local priest, and now I just look foolish. Most of the touchdowns were scored by one of many Reggies (Bush has two for the Saints, and Williams caught an 80-yard pass...
Al Arbour Promptly Removes Penguins From His Lawn
• This Was Actually How The Redskins Wanted To Bring Joe Gibbs Back, But He Thought It Was Permanent, And Nobody Had The Heart To Tell Him Otherwise — This story about Al Arbour coaching the Islanders again after 13 years to round out his coaching career at an even 1,500 seems pretty cool, doubly so...
Why, I'll Show You Rumormongering, Mr. Reporter Man
In the column inches of metro daily paper on a peaceful Saturday morning, somewhere between the high school box scores and soft news on retired athletes, you wouldn't expect to find a rant about blogs....
While at a Denver-area restaurant, John Elway was cut off from alcohol after the restaurant manager claimed he tried to order his eighth glass of wine. Even if he had seven glasses, he still would have been able to legally drive at least 98 yards on streets in the Cleveland area. [Rocky Mountain New...
So There's This Big Soccer Game Today, I'm Told
Okay. Take a look to the east. See the sun rising? Okay, look at the little blotch of land right below it. Don't see it? Here, use my binoculars. Hmm... you still don't see it? Okay, well look at this Mercator projection map. Right there. England. Located somewhere in that country, probably in that ...
Week in Review: Eff This Cursed Machine
⁊ Jon Kitna enjoys Halloween, then apologizes for it...