f Page 3223 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
An Alternate Definition Of "Dress For Success"
There's going to be a whole bunch of men in drag on Bourbon Street tomorrow, none of whom will be spiffier than Bobby Hebert, wearing one of his daughter's sequined creations. It's called the "Mu Dat Nation Mumu."...
Dear God, Make Me A Bi-Plane, So I Can Fly Farve, Far Far Away From Here
These "Airplanes (Bi-Plane) Handcrafted of Bud Light Limited Edition Viking Cans" will fly you to just within miles of your destination before getting intercepted in mid-air. Cash Only! [Craigslist, via]...
The Holy Child Will Have To Wait A Little Longer To Begin Speaking Only In Cliches
Brilliant beacon of blinding light Bryce Harper picked up his first collegiate hit in only his second at-bat. Too bad no-one is allowed to discuss it! I haven't seen lips this tight since, like, an hour ago. [The Nationals Enquirer]...
We Will All Work For Mario Lemieux One Day
Steel City patron saint Mario Lemieux and shady creepster Ron Burkle, co-owners of the Pittsburgh Penguins, approached the Pittsburgh Pirates with an "unsolicited offer" to buy the MLB team, according to the Post-Gazette. Yinzers, cross your fingers....
Donovan McNabb Is So Totally Going To Dunk London Fletcher. Cannonball!
Update on the NBA-NFL rivalry: Kobe Bryant sells sneakers via gun violence whereas Donovan McNabb, cocktail umbrella behind ear, threatens Pro Bowl n00b London Fletcher (née Susan Lucci) with some badass hazing: "He'll get initiated at the pool bar." [USAToday]...
TCU, Lacking BCS Recognition, Tries A Little Branding
A TCU student is planning to sue everyone and everybody after being branded with his fraternity's letters. That student's name: Amon Carter IV. Hey, don't the Horned Frogs play in Amon G. Carter Stadium?...
Robbie Alomar's Canadian Consolation
Forget Cooperstown; Alomar's heading to the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame! To give you a sense of its prestige, his co-inductee will be Paul Quantrill. [Globe And Mail]...
Today In Hilarious Baseball Stat Acronym Humor
Ron Borges, ladies and germs, on UZR: "I thought those were the initials of a former Russian state only to learn it means Ultimate Zone Rating." [Boston Herald]...
OK, One Last Piece Of Brett Favre Schadenfreude
From the same Vikings radio team that brought you "This is not Detroit, man" comes this swaggering bit of audio, spoken just moments earlier: "Game's tied at 28. Fine. Because Brett Favre is the quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings."...
Dear Bill Simmons, Please Stop Feeling My Pain For Me
I know many of you find Simmons bashing a tiresome pursuit, so I will keep this as civil as I possibly can....
Dear Haiti, Here Are Some Ugly Shirts
Premature, unused Vikings (and Jets) conference championship gear is on its way to Haiti. So the Brett Favre coverage continues, in Port-au-Prince at least. [RandBall]...
Bad Beats: Kiss The Girls
Your weekly gambling column, featuring smart plays, oddball propositions, all your tales of woe — plus, betting advice from a 13-year-old boy! Send your stories to [email protected]. Subject: Bad beats....
John Terry's Affair With Teammate's Girl Manages To Explode English Media Law
An English high court has overturned an injunction prohibiting publishing news of Chelsea and national team captain John Terry's affair with a teammate's girlfriend. Forget the shitshow this will cause the Lions; the ramifications for the press are huge....
Tiger's Harem Immortalized In Golf Ball Form
Well, this was inevitable. Just because Woods's sponsors dropped him, doesn't mean we can't still make a buck off him. For the Tiger Woods completist, or anyone with a terrible sense of humor, have we got the balls for you....
This North Jersey-Indianapolis Turf War Is Getting Out Of Hand
No Taser this time, just a Jets fan getting his skull broken in a fight after Sunday's game. No suspects yet, as Midwesterners don't snitch, out of politeness. [Staten Island Advance]...
PRETTY BIRD! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Rey Maualuga Gets Head Start On Offseason With DUI
A Bengals player was arrested. Normally this is not news. What is news is that Maualuga was driving a 2003 Pontiac Sunfire....
Dead Wrestler Of The Week: "Dr. Death" Steve Williams
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: "Dr. Death" Steve Williams, who died of throat cancer on Dec. 29....
Three Words No NFLer Wants To Hear: Transgender Sodomy Lawsuit
Cornerback Eric Green, who's bounced around from practice squad to practice squad since being released by the Cardinals after last season, was hit with a lawsuit from a transgendered woman who claims Green forcibly sodomized her....
Donovan McNabb Joins The Psychic Friends Network
McNabb says he knows he'll be back in Philly next year, because his psychic told him so. She also predicted playoffs but no Super Bowl ring, though you don't need to be psychic to know that. [Philly Daily News]...