f Page 3226 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Psh, I <em>Guess</em> This Counts As Knocking Off No. 1
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Venus Williams Is Angry People Still Think She's Playing Without Underwear
Venus, annoyed by the coverage of her possible commando-ness, explained on Twitter that, yes, she's wearing underwear: "I am wearing undershorts the same color as my skin, so it gives the slits in my dress the full effect!" But......

Tim Tebow Messiah Watch: Ascension Edition
With apologies to Slate, the Tim Tebow Messiah Watch is our occasional look at the growing body of evidence — quotes, signs and wonders, excessively fawning prose — that the Florida quarterback is the Lamb of God....

Mark Sanchez Graduates From Poise To Chutzpah
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Favre's Success Tears NFC North Apart
The Sun-Times says: "Go New Orleans, save us from Brett Favre!" The Tribune says: "Leave Brett Favre alone!" The Green Bay Press-Gazette could not be reached for comment, presumably having drank itself to death in the woods. [Sun-Times, Trib]...

Excerpts From "Underlying Ass(ets): What Venus Williams's Bottom Tells Us About Credit Default Swaps"
Napkin Gladwell is a journalist and bestselling author of books people read on airplanes. He occasionally provides Deadspin with excerpts of his upcoming essays....

Shawne Merriman's Fetus Wants Legal Recognition
Merriman was hit with a paternity suit this week, in an odd case in which he's admitted the unborn child is his. And before you ask, don't worry; Tila Tequila has not reproduced....

The One Where Jaimee Grubbs Banged Tiger For Haiti
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another.(NSFW)...

Bad Beats: Why Your Betting System Sucks
Your weekly gambling column, featuring smart plays, oddball propositions, all your tales of woe — plus, betting advice from a 13-year-old boy! Send your stories to [email protected]. Subject: Bad beats....

Cockblocked by Justin Long! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

UT Proves That Lane Kiffin Was A Hardened Criminal
The smear campaign against the newly-departed continues in earnest, as state and university officials confirm he never held an in-state driver's license. Throw away the key!...

Reuben Droughns Goes Up In Smoke
The former running back is under investigation for running a marijuana operation out of his spare bedrooms. More like Reuben Growns, am I right? Ugh, that was awful. More like Groans....

Rex Ryan's Convenient Superstition
Sexy Rexy has a pizza grease stain on his hoodie that he refuses to wash until the Jets lose. At least, that's the company line. Just as likely is that all of his clothes have grease stains. [NYDN]...

Russia Turns The Dreamtime Into A Nightmare
Aboriginal Australians are none too pleased with the routine the ice dancing favorites have planned for the Olympics, and it's not hard to see why. Look at them. They look like Mardi Gras came to Ferngully....

Chris Kluwe Says Vikings Will Control Their Bowels Against Saints
I'd like to see this drawn up on the chalkboard: "We'll have a plan that doesn't involve pooping our pants," Kluwe said, per the St. Paul Pioneer Press.[Via PFT]...

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: Ludvig Borga
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: Ludvig Borga, who died Jan. 8 of an apparently self-inflicted gunshot wound....

Last Night's Winner: No Comment
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like some creatures we can actually comment on without pissing off our lawyers....

The Blogosphere Eats Itself Over Meyer's God Gambit
The fuss over Urban Meyer supposedly milking his illness and invoking God to land a prized recruit is exhibit No. one million in the case of why you never believe anything your read on the Internet....

Tooth Fairy Turns To NHL Gold Mine
Flyers goon Ian Laperrière had seven replacement teeth stolen en route to tonight's game. This reminds me of a horrible dream I had about a stupid movie starring the Rock. What do you mean, that's a real thing? [via The700Level]...

Much More At Stake Than Super Bowl For Rex Ryan
Just got an email from Major League Eating president Rich Shea. If the Jets win Sunday, Eatapus Rex will get a seat in the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. This is all the motivation Ryan needs. (Official invite below.)...