fuckin Page 25 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
FedEx: When You Absolutely, Positively Need Your Son's Team To Play In A BCS Conference
Memphis, stricken by Realignment Fever, is trying to negotiate their way into a bigger conference or, failing that, find a wealthy benefactor to buy them one. Thankfully, they (and their quarterback) have an international conglomerate at their disposal....
The One Where The Mets Get Started Early For USA-England
Continental Harbor Hotel, Baltimore, Md.: Saturday before the USA v England game in Baltimore. We tried to get them to come to Hooters with us to watch the game but they had to go to bp I assume — Darcy D....
England Now Just One Enormous Cock-Up
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Nebraska Dumps Big 12 As NCAA Apocalypto Machine Continues To Churn
HOLY FUCKING HUSKER DICK. NEBRASKA HAS VACATED THE BIG 12 AND HAS FORMALLY APPLIED TO THE BIG 10, BUT SINCE TWO TEAMS LEFT THE BIG 12, WILL THERE BE TWO BIG 10'S NOW OR TWO BIG 12'S? CHEW ON THAT. [TeamSpeedKills]...
Boise State To Mountain West; Course Of Human Existence, WAC Football Irrevocably Altered
APOCALYPSE! SCHOOL IN IDAHO THAT USED TO PLAY SPORTS AGAINST SMALLISH SCHOOLS IN WESTERN STATES NOW PLAYING SPORTS AGAINST SLIGHTLY LARGER SCHOOLS IN WESTERN STATES! [TheMWC.com]...
Colorado To The Pac-10, World Shifts On Its Axis
PANIC! SCHOOL IN COLORADO WILL PLAY SPORTS AGAINST SCHOOLS ON WEST COAST RATHER THAN SCHOOLS IN MIDWEST, SOUTHWEST! [AP]...
Renovated MSG To Bring Sports Arenas Into (A Six-Year-Old's View Of) The Future
The first thing that jumps out at you in the renderings of the new-and-improved Madison Square Garden are two "sky bridges" that hang over the floor. Gimmicky? Yep. Sure to be ridiculously-priced for something higher than the highest nosebleeds? You betcha....
How To Change A Fucking Diaper
In honor of Mother's Day, and with a nod to The Awl, here is your belligerent guide to changing a kid's filth-laden diaper. You're welcome, assholes....
Kevin Garnett: "We Were Playing Michael Fucking Jordan"
A live mic and a player upset with the officiating always make for an interesting combo. Kevin Garnett did not disappoint:...
How To Tap A Fucking Keg
We asked Awl contributor Abe Sauer to write a profanity-filled, Spring Break-themed servicey piece, one that could be useful for both dopey sun-poisoned college kids and backyard BBQ enthusiasts. The Awl agreed to let us borrow its occasional series. Enjoy....
"Here Are 10 Things To Expect After You Turn 30"
This Black Table article was published, shit, six years ago and I'm encouraged by the fact that it is still as painful now as it was on March 18, 2004. Getting older is not fun. Make it stop....
Even Monkeys Go To Rehab
Yes, unless this report comes from an Onion-style Russian newspaper, it appears a monkey hooked on alcohol and cigarettes has been sent to rehab. The world is a vampire. [Montreal Gazette]...
"The 40 Most Sexual Photos Of The Olympics," Claims Blog
Yes, I would agree that there are some very Kama Sutra-inspired photos contained in this gallery. I believe this is one the kids call "The Egyptian Magic Wheelbarrow," if I'm not mistaken....
Last Time I Took Ambien, I Had A Weird Dream About Scarlett Johansson And Axl Rose Playing Ping Pong
"On Tuesday of this week...[J]ohansson was seen playing pingpong with Rose at SPiN. "They were laughing the whole time," says a spy. "They looked like they were having fun." Woah. [NYPost]...
The Astros Are Confident Brett Myers Won't Punch His Wife In The Face Anymore
"We did our due diligence, we talked to the Phillies, we talked to Brett and we're satisfied that this is not going to be an ongoing problem." [Philly.com]...
Mets Win Jason Bay Sweepstakes, Capping Glorious 2009
Mike Francesa broke the news (really?) that Jason Bay is going to the Mets, pending his turn-and-cough with the doctors. Yay, for legit sports news! (Also, the Giants, worried about appearing too youthful, signed 34-year-old Mark DeRosa.) [DailyNews/AP]...
Moment Of The Decade? Moment Of The INFINITY
The Sporting Blog is in the middle of their own decade commemoration and asked contributors to name their sporty moment of the decade. Dan Levy picks the grammatically-challenged 2008 Phillies battle cry that birthed a World Fuckin' Champion. [SportingBlog]...
The Year In... Mutton
So the last month has been chock full of end-of-decade retrospectives in addition to the typical end-of-year remembrances. We'll do our own anyway. Today, to start: mutton-bustin'. Like you expected anything else....
Yankees Hope To Revive Glory Days Of The First Half Of The 2004 ALCS
Javier Vazquez's last start for the New York Yankees left the franchise flying pretty darn high. Everything after that was a bit of a blur, but why not give it another whirl? Watch your hands, because this is a HOTFUCKINGSTOVE!...
Jason Marquis Final Key To The Nationals 20-Year Rebuilding Plan
Those frisky Nats have bolstered their pitching staff by nabbing someone on their wish list and the Mets continue to be enamored with Japanese players. Jayson Stark sports a mighty chub for springtime so you know it's time for HOTFUCKINGSTOVE....