fuckin Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Aw, You Guys, The Pirates Are Actually Trying To Get Better
The Pittsburgh Pirates, a “small-market” MLB team whose owner prefers hoarding his money to spending it on good players, actually made a deal today to improve the team. I know, right?! These scrappy little tightwad nobodies acquired an honest-to-gosh name people have heard of in Rays starter Chris A...
So This Is What It's Come To: A Brad Ziegler MLB Trade Deadline Liveblog
The MLB non-waiver trade deadline is at 4 p.m. today, and there’s only one prize on every team’s mind: Marlins reliever Brad Ziegler. Where will he end up? Follow along with the number one liveblog dedicated solely to the Unicorn, which is apparently his nickname according to Baseball Reference. And...
Bryce Harper Is Available
Good morning! It’s just about seven hours until the trade deadline, and Bryce Harper could be on the block....
Masa Saito Was A Great Wrestler And Half Of Pro Wrestling's Most Famous Arrest
Masanori “Masa” Saito, known as Mr. Saito to a generation of American wrestling fans, passed away at the age of 76 last weekend following a long struggle with Parkinson’s disease. An Olympic freestyle wrestler in 1964, Saito was a legendarily hard man and among the most universally respected people ...
Manny Machado Knew He Had Been Traded A Week Ago
The worst-kept secret of the All-Star Game was that then-Orioles shortstop Manny Machado was heading to the Dodgers, in a trade that wouldn’t be announced until after the break—to avoid the awkwardness of Machado wearing an Orioles uniform in the ASG and head off the possibility of his story oversha...
Of Course The Lakers Signed Michael Beasley
In a move that is both delightfully absurd and absolutely no surprise, the Los Angeles Lakers signed free-agent forward Michael Beasley today. It’s delightfully absurd because everything about Beasley—his mystic wisdom master personality, his microwave offense and avant-garde approach to defense—is ...
The Dodgers Have Won The Manny Machado Sweepstakes, Finally
Manny Machado is heading west. USA Today’s Bob Nightengale reported yesterday that the Baltimore Orioles had the framework of a deal in place to trade Machado to the Dodgers for a bushel of prospects, and the trade finally went through today after a “brief medical blip” caused both parties to stay a...
10 Years Ago, Two Trades Broke The Mold For MLB Deadline Deals<em></em>
In the days and hours before the 4 p.m. trade deadline on July 31, contenders across baseball will make their moves. Manny Machado will likely take his MVP-caliber bat and NASA-caliber arm to the left side of some new and less bleak team’s infield; the Yankees are thought to be looking for starting ...
There's A New Co-Leader In The Manny Machado Sweepstakes
Manny Machado homered in his first-at bat, his 24th of the year, and then left the game after the fourth inning, because of wet grass following a rain delay. Baltimore manager Buck Showalter said, without outright saying, what we all know: that Machado is currently more valuable to the Orioles on th...
Yes, The Yankees Are In On Manny Machado
The Yankees and Orioles split a doubleheader in Baltimore on Monday, but the games were almost a sideshow—after all, we know what’s going to happen in the standings: one team is bound for the playoffs and one team the cellar. No, the real story is the sudden and curious entrance of the Yankees into ...
Dwight Howard Reaches Sad, Strange New Stage Of His Career
Here we are, again: Dwight Howard is switching teams for the fourth straight offseason. After failing to live up to expectations as a franchise cornerstone with the Rockets, flopping as a hometown hero with the Hawks, and failing to make an impact as a veteran leader with the Hornets (lol), Howard h...
Kawhi Leonard Wants To Leave San Antonio And Play For The Lakers
This afternoon, more or less every basketball reporter simultaneously reported that Kawhi Leonard wanted out of San Antonio. The coordination of reports from Jabari Young, Chris Haynes, and Shams Charania suggests that the “league sources” behind this know what they’re talking about, and want everyo...
Welcome To Hell
This is what is currently airing on ESPN. The network decided that today would be a good day to dedicate what I assume is 19 hours of programming to a show in which roughly 37 people sit around some folding tables and talk football while waiting for NFL free agency to officially begin at 4 p.m. ...
Scott Moir Says He Respects Ice Dancing Too Much To Fuck
Here is a brief video of Scott Moir speaking at a press conference. Moir and his skating partner Tessa Virtue are two-time Olympic gold medalists in ice dancing. Moir has said that they’re retiring after these Olympics—“I think it’s a nice end to our Olympic career”—but they also “retired” after Soc...
For Deep Insight Into The True Nature Of The Virtue-Moir Relationship, Watch Them Be Forced To Watch A Montage Of Their Life Together<em></em>
Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, the greatest ice dancers of all-time, spent the Olympics erotically wiggling together on the ice and winning the gold medal with a world-record score before denying that any sort of fucking was going on. There’s a certain, um, electricity to their interactions, even if t...
The Rays Are Being Stripped For Parts
The Miami Marlins are not the only Florida-based baseball team who will be punting on the 2018 season. Since the start of the offseason, the Rays have traded Evan Longoria to San Francisco, let Logan Morrison walk in free agency, designated all-star Corey Dickerson for assignment, and traded Jake Od...
Are Virtue And Moir Fucking Or What?<em></em>
Last night, we all watched Canadian ice dancers Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir win gold by having simulated skate sex in front of god and NBC and everyone, and now we’re all pregnant, and I can’t believe what everyone is trying to tell me: that they’re not actually boning. Come the fuck on; I have eyes...
Report: Free Agent Yu Darvish Signs $150 Million Deal With Chicago Cubs
Hey, would you look at that! A good baseball player has signed a free agent contract with a good baseball team! So it’s not impossible!...
Your 2018 NBA Trade Deadline Roundup
Wow, what a frickin’ day. The NBA trade deadline came and passed, LeBron James traded half the players in the league for the other half, and there’s a lot of wreckage to sort through! As is tradition around here, we’re here to help out, with our in depth takes on each trade....