gm Page 29 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Let's Marvel At The Perfect Absurdity Of This ESPN Guy's HOF Ballot
Here's the ballot mailed in by Barry Stanton, ESPN news editor: Jack Morris, Edgar Martinez, Tino Martinez, Don Mattingly, B.J. Surhoff. I shit you not. B.J. Surhoff....

Here's Video Of Derrick Rose Making Tyreke Evans Play The Role Of "Revolving Door"
It's not quite at the level of Blake Griffin's various posterizations of the opposition, but the Bulls' Derrick Rose leaves the Kings' Tyreke Evans with no other excuse than "Um, uh, the floor was slippery" on this fourth-quarter drive....

Nebraska's Brothers Pelini Are Doing A Lot Of Denying And Apologizing This Week
Carl Pelini, Nebraska's defensive coordinator, has denied that he shoved a credentialed reporter on the field after a 9-6 loss to Texas A&M on Saturday. His younger brother, head coach Bo, apologized today for his own outbursts during the game....

Did Nebraska Defensive Coordinator Carl Pelini Rough Up A Texas A&M Photographer? (Updated With Video)
Texas A&M beat Nebraska 9-6 yesterday. Excitement. At least for Aggies fans, who stormed the field. And for an Aggie photographer, who claims Cornhusker D coordinator and the head coach's littler big bro Carl Pelini got all grabby, pushy, breaky with him....

World's Worst Muay Thai Ref Sees No Problems With Garbage Can Lids
A pretty exciting Muay Thai match becomes a whole different animal after the introduction of some garbage can lids. Then it becomes a regular match again, all the while the referee does nothing. Niche sports are fantastic sometimes. [The Spoiler]...

Soccer Player Has Heart Attack During Match
Miguel Garcia, a midfielder for Segunda Divsion side Salamanca, is recovering in hospital today after suffering a suspected heart attack during a match against Real Betis on Sunday....

Australian Team Accused Of Chucking Washing Machine Out Of Window
Solidifying their place as the badasses of international competition, the Australian Commonwealth Games team vandalized a room and threw a washing machine out of an 8th story window at the athletes' village....

Cockblocked In The Car Hole! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Look At This Fucking Hoopster: "Kelly Tripucka" Hangs Out With San Antonio Spurs, Is Lead Singer Of Arcade Fire
An occasional feature in which we spotlight the ridiculous trend of recontextualized basketball jerseys. Today: everyone's favorite Polish-American Knicks color commentator Kelly Tripucka....

Da'Sean Butler's Very Disturbing Children's Story Has Been Illustrated
Those of you who were too lazy to read "A Short Story" by Da'Sean Butler 140 characters at a time (or even fully transcribed in this post) are in luck. It's been animated!...

Fake Press Release Makes Worthless Cubs/Brewers Game Temporarily Interesting
How do you make a Cubs/Brewers interesting when they have a combined 126-155 record? You slip a fake press release supposedly written by Cubs GM Jim Hendry into the press pack! Here's a pic (via Paul Sullivan's Twitter) ......

Introducing The Dancing Man Of Wrigleyville
Wrigleyville, the neighborhood around Wrigley Field, has long been known for its "scene." Want to meet the future ex-Mrs. Malcolm? That's the place to go. Well, Wrigleyville has a new sight attracting the hordes: this dancing guy....

LeBron James Is Going To Fix The South Florida Housing Market
Today's newest LeBron news: he's going to fix the housing market in the Miami area because so many people want to be nearer to his effervescence, witness spectacular basketball, and jump on and off the bandwagon as close to home as possible....

Ooh, Ooh: Cristiano Ronaldo Is Getting Married!
Frankly, thank Christ for Facebook — without it, Cristiano Ronaldo's life might maintain an element of mystique, but then everyone would be bored....

Deadspin Classic: How To Tap A Fucking Keg
For Spring Break, The Awl contributor Abe Sauer taught you how to get at that delicious, delicious beer. Well, you're not a college student now; you're a man, and you have friends and family to keep hydrated this holiday weekend....

How To Change A Fucking Diaper
In honor of Mother's Day, and with a nod to The Awl, here is your belligerent guide to changing a kid's filth-laden diaper. You're welcome, assholes....

Big Ben Is An Artist At Heart
Like all of us, it appears Ben Roethlisberger is another failed artist. Reader Deb gives us the scoop....

Rutgers Basketball Coach Fired For Heckling Baseball Players?
Word out of New Jersey is that Rutgers basketball coach Fred Hill is about to be fired—not for being a terrible coach, but for yelling at the opposing team at a Rutgers baseball game....

One Shining Turd: A Brief Analysis Of How CBS Ruined Its "Moment"
The consensus is that CBS thoroughly murdered basketball's great cornball anthem, "One Shining Moment." Where did they go wrong? Deadspin research reveals that singer Jennifer Hudson logged a full 12 seconds of screen time, a record....

Ye Olde Shining Moment: A Basketball Montage To Remind Us How Good We Have It Now
Because neither video nor Luther Vandross was around in the 1940s, the NCAA Tournaments of those days concluded without the now-beloved "One Shining Moment" montage, which seems so very wrong. We've remedied the situation. Enjoy. [Footage via A Stern Warning]...