gm Page 30 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

How To Tap A Fucking Keg
We asked Awl contributor Abe Sauer to write a profanity-filled, Spring Break-themed servicey piece, one that could be useful for both dopey sun-poisoned college kids and backyard BBQ enthusiasts. The Awl agreed to let us borrow its occasional series. Enjoy....

MTV, BET No Longer Safe From Chad Ochocinco
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Mike Greenberg Is Not The First Man To Accidentally Say "Martin Luther Koon"
It turns out the former mayor of Selma, Ala., Joseph Smitherman, also accidentally slurred his words but he probably didn't get half the grief poor Greeny received yesterday....

China's Mysterious Golf Island
22 courses in an area one-and-a-half times the size of Manhattan. Shrouded in intrigue and controversy. Destroyed mountains and shared jackfruit. A fascinating read on Dubai-level bombast with Communist-level secrecy....

The Year In... Mutton
So the last month has been chock full of end-of-decade retrospectives in addition to the typical end-of-year remembrances. We'll do our own anyway. Today, to start: mutton-bustin'. Like you expected anything else....

If Being A Rhodes Scholar Is Cool, Then Everyone Wants To Be Bill Bradley
Myron Rolle postponed entering the NFL Draft to debate philosophy in Oxford pubs, and suddenly, two other high-profile college athletes — namely, Alabama's Greg McElroy and UConn's Maya Moore — are considering applying for Rhodes Scholarships next year. Trend alert!...

The Perfect Gift For The Kris Brown Fan In Your Life
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Old Woman Sticks It To Nazis
Germany has finally recognized the national high jump record that was taken away from Margaret Bergmann Lambert in 1936 because she was Jewish. Oh, and sorry about the whole "trying to wipe out your entire race" thing, too. [NYPost]...

IceGators Coach Defends His Stick Throwing Temper Tantrum
Brent Sapergia says throwing all his team's equipment on the ice wasn't a stunt. He was just really, really mad! (Says the refs weren't looking out for his players.) Tough, but fair. [Puck Daddy]...

You'd Lose Your Mind Too, If You Had To Coach Hockey In Louisiana
Brent Sapergia only lasted two games as coach of the Louisiana IceGators, but he made them count—getting thrown out of both and making himself internet famous with an epic, bench-clearing temper tantrum....

Al Michaels Would Like To Clear Something Up
I don't know if this was Al, a phlegmy Cris Collinsworth, or one very sick statistician, but who the hell hocked up a (presumably) gigantic loogie on air last night? Do they have spittoons in the booth? [Video via NBC]...

Danny Snyder Doesn't Like Your Heartfelt Signage
Dan Steinberg found this in a trash can outside FedEx Field, where pretty much every form of human expression has been banned. It's clear: Dan Snyder is just a moustache and a pogrom or two short of being Joseph Stalin....

Anniversary Of Curt Schilling's "Bloody Sock" Game Solemnly Observed By Curt Schilling
Schilling, five years later: "I am proud of what we did that night, but I am far more excited about what I was able to experience in my relationship with Christ that night." He says some other stuff. [38 Pitches]...

When Did Sportsy Wives and Girlfriends Get So Trashy? (Oh, the Mid 90s, Right)
The "English football" (f'ing soccer) team has banned the amazingly skanky wives-and-girlfriends club from hogging all the 2010 World Cup attention. America doesn't have the Posh Spice nightmare syndrome as bad—yet. But we're working on it....

The Drunken Jellyfish Bandit Begins His Reign Of Terror
An intoxicated Florida beachgoer was arrested after pretending to drown in order to lure in would-be rescuers, only to hurl jellyfish at them when they approached. That's the greatest sentence I've ever written. [St. Pete Times]...

And Here Comes The "Pitino Is A Baby Killer" Hysteria
Shockingly, Louisville's pro-life students are not impressed with how their coach handled the post-restaurant floor mom-banging: "Rick Pitino was willing to take his own child's life in order to cover up a cheap, tawdry affair."[ALL.org]...

Be A Man, McMackin, Everyone's Living On Less These Days
Pay cuts are clearly part of the "new reality." Like this commodities trader will probably take a haircut on his guaranteed $100 million bonus, just because his bank owes taxpayers $44 billion. Then there is Greg McMackin....

Marietta, Georgia Books Teen Girl Larceny Squad
CHEERLEADER! SO AND SO! WHAT'S HER FACE! THE UNDERAGE ONE! They've all been charged with stealing $149 from two little girls....

Rick Morrissey Uses Dead Baseball Scribe As A Soapbox For Blog Rant
Here's a thoroughly obnoxious column by the Chicago Tribune's Rick Morrissey in which he picks up the corpse of Jerome Holtzman and swings it in the general direction of — what else? — the blogosphere....

Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson
"Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever makes me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?" [YouTube]...