here Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tonight's <i>SNL</i> Featured 30 Nearly Perfect Seconds
This entire sketch was less than two minutes long, and we credit the Saturday Night Live writing staff for recognizing the bit really only needed that much time. Get in, make the joke, get out. ...
Of Course Arsenal Want To Give Glass-Boned Jack Wilshere A New Contract
Last weekend, Jack Wilshere did what Jack Wilshere always does: get injured. This time (like last time) it’s a fibula fracture, and it has ended his season. In response, Arsenal are reportedly set to do what Arsenal always do: give yet another inflated contract to a guy who can’t stay healthy....
Actually, Moe Harkless Is The MVP
With 11:46 remaining in the third quarter of the game way back on April 3 between the Portland Trail Blazers and the Minnesota Timberwolves, Blazers forward Moe Harkless received a pass from Damian Lillard in the right corner, rose to shoot, and rattled in his third three-point basket of the night. ...
Desperate NFL Puts Shitty Thursday Night Games On Website Belonging To <i>Washington Post</i> Owner
Thursday Night Football, which features tired NFL teams playing in ugly jerseys, tried out an experiment last season and streamed 10 of its games on Twitter. I tried watching once and promptly saw Twitter’s wonderful “social” integration alert me that someone had scored a touchdown before I saw anyt...
Triple-Double King Russell Westbrook Crafts His Masterpiece
In case you were skeptical about Russell Westbrook’s MVP bona fides, consider tonight’s one-man destruction of the Orlando Magic....
Oh, Will You Shut Up About Defense Already?
So, we’ve been bickering about the NBA’s MVP award the past couple days; it’s March, the sports calendar is dead, people get bored, you start fighting over this sort of thing to pass the time. I blogged about it yesterday; Tom Scocca blogged about it today. Both times, the crux of the argument has b...
Are You Sure Russell Westbrook Should Be MVP? Consider These Stats
An NBA season is not a triple-double-getting contest. Yesterday, Albert Burneko argued that the discussion about who deserves the NBA Most Valuable Player award has lately gone off track—that Russell Westbrook, averaging a triple-double for the Oklahoma City Thunder, has been so thoroughly and overw...
Bring Me The Dang Trades
Where are the friggin’ trades? That is what the hell I want to know. Show me the trades....
Hockey Blogger Goes Rogue, Posts Conspiracy Theory About All-Star Game And Race
I wasn’t on the internet last night, so my first exposure to the mess that happened over in the hockey blog corner of the internet was this apology letter. Here are the first two lines:...
Oakland Public Ethics Official Accuses Bay Area Politicans Of Abusing Free Warriors Tickets
Just before the NBA season started, the San Jose Mercury News reported that several Bay Area politicians had been abusing their access to Warriors tickets, using them to grease political wheels and pay off personal debts. The stadiums that the Warriors, A’s, and Raiders play in have clauses in their...
Government Officials Are Living It Up For Free At Publicly Funded Vikings Stadium
The five-person Minnesota Sports Facilities Authority was created to control and operate the Vikings’ new stadium on behalf of taxpayers, who coughed up half a billion dollars to build it. But it turns out that the MSFA members, along with other public officials, are being well taken care of by the ...
Dane Cook’s MLB Postseason Campaign Tortures My Memory Like An Unconfessed Murder<em></em>
With the MLB postseason comes high stakes, a tense and entertaining atmosphere, and some of the best talent in professional sports. And yet as I prepare for the best part of the baseball season, one slogan writhes around in my brain like a maggot and refuses to leave: There’s only one October....
Donald Trump Gives Big Mexico Speech, Sounds Very Much Like Someone Zonked Out On Pills
Well, Donald Trump went to Mexico. And while it wasn’t the comedy of errors we were hoping for, the trip was not without its high points. Specifically, the fact that Donald Trump sounded exactly like a man who’d been popping Quaaludes since dawn....
Donald Trump Is In Mexico
Did you hear? Donald J. Trump is in Mexico for a last minute, pre-immigration speech visit right now. It’s an objectively terrible idea for everyone involved—we can’t wait!...
This Summer Will Probably Be Hotter Than Usual
It’s about 90 degrees in New York City today. Of course, you wouldn’t know that if you’re trapped in an overly air conditioned office building, but that’s pretty hot for late May. While the temperature should break a little next week, this could be a sign of the summer to come—a new forecast from th...
The New <i>Star Wars</i> Trailer For <i>Rogue One</i> Looks Cool, I Guess?
If you thought we could get through two consecutive months without some big to-do about Star Wars, you were wrong! The teaser trailer for Rogue One reveals a whole new standalone story from the galaxy far, far away wherein a brand new heroine named Jyn Erso—or that’s what it sounds like, give me a b...
Colin Kaepernick, Like Therese Belivet, to Consider Major Career Change
There comes a time in the lifespan of a job that an employee is offered a new opportunity elsewhere. Reasons for taking (or not taking) the other job are many—not to mention deeply personal—and the decision, once made, has the ability to change the trajectory of life, as well as all the lives in its...
Jason Chimera Jabs Shayne Gostisbehere With His Stick
Jason Chimera waited for the right opportunity to deliver a cheap shot on Flyers defenseman Shayne Gostisbehere after the whistle in the second period of Wednesday night’s game. The Capitals winger made sure the nearby linesman wasn’t looking before he put the butt-end of his stick into Gostisbehere...
This Is Just The Dumbest Way To Lose A Bike Race
An incredibly fun two-week run of Belgian cobbled classics started today with Dwars door Vlaanderen, a semi-flat but challenging warm up to the hellish Ronde van Vlaanderen. However, the race almost didn’t happen after terrorist attacks ripped through the Brussels airport yesterday. Race officials c...