ill Page 617 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Why Don't More Famous People Have AIDS?
I went to park my car the other day and the spot I parked in had a parking meter that was out of order. It is ILLEGAL to park in a spot with a meter that's out of order. You'll get a ticket. I cannot tell you how angry this makes me. It's not my fucking fault the meter is out of order. And now we ha...

Tennessee's Pro Athlete Tax: You'll Find No Sympathy Here
It took Brian Rafalski complaining about Tennessee's tax that targets visiting players before everyone decided that it's a huge injustice. And while it is pretty bizarre, it's certainly not a death knell for Tennessee pro sports....

Tebow Draft Rationalization Watch: The Patriots Are Capable Of Anything
As the NFL Draft approaches, many team fanbases will attempt complex logical gymnastics to talk themselves into using a first-round pick on Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. Today: What does Bill Belichick know that we don't?...

Ozzie Guillen's Apple Did Not Fall Far From The Tree
The manager's 24-year-old son, Oney, "resigned" from the White Sox video department because of his rogue Twitter account, but his mom cleared it all up with the GM. It's gonna be a good year on the South Side. [FoxSports/Sun-Times/Yahoo; Pic]...

Stories That Don't Suck: Self Esteem, Ballad Of Big Star, Fantasy Baseball, Michael Lewis's First First Thing
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Catholics vs. Catholics: Villanova-St. Mary's Open Thread
Just one early game today, but one that could tear the Holy See apart. Did the Pope intercede in the 'Cats near debacle against Robert Morris, or is he secretly a West Coast basketball fan who's grown bored with Gonzaga?...

Pitino-Backed Red Birds Attempt To Screw Bears On Restaurant Table, So To Speak: Lousiville-Cal Open Thread
You were expecting a different picture, weren't you? Louisville had an off-year, and so did the Pac-10; there might as well be two pictures to keep you engaged. Say "Samardo Samuels" thrice into a mirror and comment the results....

I Was There: A Classic In The Chocolate-Dipped Garden
Alan Siegel, whom you've met around these parts before, attended last year's Elite Eight matchup between Pittsburgh and Villanova. His story:...

Last Night's Winner: The Unemployed
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like anyone who had a few free hours to skip and/or slack off work yesterday, because they were richly rewarded for their non-efforts. (Unless they weren't.)...

Wildcats Scratch At Colonials: Robert Morris-Villanova Open Thread (UPDATE With Video)
Villanova tries to return to the Final Four and you try to figure out where Robert Morris is. Comment, comment, comment....

Bills Entice Potential Ticket Buyers With "Punt From Own End Zone" Shining Moment
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Crotch Punch Fulfills Every Crotch Punch's Destiny, Gets Immortalized On Videotape, Part II
And now here's the video of Jackson State's Phillip Williams nutpunching Mississippi State's Dee Bost. By the time the NIT's over, we'll have a whole new section of sopranos for the pope's choir. ...

Whining Time: Reggie Miller, The Knicks, And The Prayer Of The Bitchy Girl
A review of ESPN's Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. the New York Knicks, from a woman who once took a photo with John Starks and keeps it at her desk, and now co-workers think they're married....

America's Feeblest Legal Minds Weigh In On Erin Andrews
Somewhat curiously, ESPN.com has put the sentencing of Erin Andrews's stalker on the front page. Even more curiously, they've left commenting open. Seriously, go now. It's worse than YouTube in there. [ESPN.com]...

The Saddest, Most Pitiful Sentence Illinois Basketball Fans Will Ever Read
"Though Illinois is seeded No. 1 in the NIT, it couldn't host a first-round game because Cirque du Soleil is performing at the Assembly Hall this week." Even sadder? My parents have tickets. [IlliniHQ]...

Jackie Gleason Shows Us The Proper Way To Bomb On TV: With Self-Deprecation And Booze
In 1961, Jackie Gleason hosted a game show on CBS titled You're In The Picture. It was a precursor to The Jay Leno Show and The Marriage Ref in that it was universally reviled....

Stories That Don't Suck: Axl Rose, Hockey Goons, Cassius Bom-Ba-Ye, Dr. Z In The USSR
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Calling All Models Who Bartend: Ryan Braun Would Like To Hire You STAT
The Brewers' left fielder also has entrepreneurial moxie: First, it was his stunning Ream Tee fashion line; now it's his new restaurant which is looking for "models that are bartenders" to fill his "starting line up." 275 fist explosions. [B&C]...

AN ESPN VP Joins The Olbermann-Simmons Pillow Fight
ESPN Executive VP and Editor John Walsh snarks back at Keith Olbermann in today's SportsBusiness Daily, and suddenly the Olbermann-Simmons feud has become one of those great Greek tragedies full of incest and bloodshed and men with stately white beards....

Conviction In Darrent Williams Murder Trial
A Denver jury has found Willie D. Clark guilty in the 2007 murder of Denver Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams. His sentencing is scheduled for April 10. [Denver Post, Westword]...