ing Page 1702 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your Takes On The Sex Boat Wrapup
We love doing this site, but, to be honest, what we might love the most are you, the readers. Your comments are the highlights of our days, and not just because you're funnier than we are. We thought we'd take this opportunity to showcase our personal favorite slices of hilarity from today's earli...
The Full Report On The Sex Boat
So, hey, anybody else actually dug into these whole Vikings criminal complaints, the ones The Smoking Gun grabbed? If you haven't yet, we suggest you do, because it's even more entertaining than you thought. But, we understand, you're very busy at work today. So allow us to help you out. We've dug...
Clinton Portis' Craziest Costume Yet
Other Clinton Portis costumes have been deep, terrifying glimpses into the most cavernous regions of his soul, a tiny peek at the scary child within, peering out into the world, hoping it's not raining anymore. But this, his most recent one, however, is the most horrifying at all: A monstrous look...
Sex Boat Case Sails Off
It's a sad day when you can't take your rookie teammates out for a little Lake Minnetonka party with a bunch of whores. This goddamned Internet is invading everybody's privacy....
Seventies Underwear: Strangely Inventive
This might be old, but we haven't seen it before, so here it is: underwear advertising from a Playboy magazine in 1977 (they're all Jockey ads)....
Athlete Run-In: The Mystery Of The Mustache
Today's first athlete run-in story answers a question we've had for a long time: Has Don Mattingly ever not had that mustache? (We were scared enough when Bruce Bochy shaved his.)...
Shuffling Off At Rest, Satiated, With Ray King Finally Gone
Former Cardinals relief pitcher Ray King was traded to the Colorado Rockies last Thursday, for equally useless spare parts Aaron Miles and Larry Bigbie. King had once been a popular Cardinal — his rotund nature is a sure-fire crowd pleaser; after the Cardinals clinched the World Series trip in 200...
Athlete Run-In: Bill Wennington Should Duck Better
Today's first athlete run-in story involves a member of those famed late '90s Chicago Bulls juggernauts ... Bill Wennington! OK, maybe he's no Scottie Pippen, but hey, anything about that team that doesn't involve Jordan or Rodman gets us fired up. From Chris in Dallas:...
Colts Prepare For A Month Of Boredom
With their 26-18 win in Jacksonville, and Tony Dungy's stated preference to not actively pursue the '72 Dolphins undefeated mark, Peyton Manning and Edgerrin James have about a month to do whatever they please....
Birds get their claws back
CAW. CAW. Or, you know, whatever kind of a frightening noise a cardinal might make......
Bro Sweets Will Juice You Up
Clinton Portis was back yesterday with yet another fractured segment of his personality, this one somewhat sweeter than the past ones, literally even. We proudly introduce "Bro Sweets," Clinton's most recent tortured mental sliver....
When Dr. J Stops Being Polite And Starts Getting Real
We've always been surprised that Julius Erving doesn't get more Wilt Chamberlain-esque cred for libido size. The guy fathers tennis players, shows up in sex tapes and pretty much is the walking manifestation of the dangers of Cialis. Plus, we've always thought he's the real-world equivalent of the...
We're Sure Bud Selig Is Very Depressed Now
We're always wary of people who are obsessed with Google-bombing — the practice of making sure when you search for, say, "Tom Brady" on Google, you get a link to something like Mexican goat-fisting, or whatever — but some disgruntled Washington, D.C. residents have decided to go after MLB commissi...
NFL Roundup: Bengal Breakthrough
• As Arizona Cardinals fans, we always wonder what the day will be like when, after years of torture, our team finally breaks through and shows they're serious about this whole winning business. It must have been that exciting for Bengals fans yesterday. Realize: A baby born the last time the Beng...
Portis Becomes Depressingly Self-Questioning
Ladies and gentleman, we present to you, after a one-week hiatus for Thanksgiving, Redskins running back Clinton Portis' newest creation: "Reverend Gonna Change," with those pretty crazy teeth and hair and the whole thing. On our scale, this ranks above "Dollah Bill" but behind "Dr. I-Don't-Know."...
Who's Your Favorite Sportswriter's Binkie?
Inspired by a comment in this morning's story about Jason Whitlock and his rips on Michael Irvin, a commenter named Mr. Poon — who runs this site — pointed out something curious about Whitlock. Namely, that Whitlock, in pinch, will fall back on his blind spot; his odd belief that Jeff George (a hi...
Chesnning: Who's Captain, And Who's Tennille?
We totally should have known about this, but we give a firm salute to The Mighty MJD regardless for digging it up: Apparently, Peyton Manning and Kenny Chesney — "Chesnning," as we prefer to call 'em 'round these parts — have actually written a song together. Again, we can't believe we didn't know...
Holyfield Eager To Be Pummeled Again
If you were thinking that "Dancing With The Stars" hoofer Evander Holyfield was actually retiring, like, seriously this time, well, you're wrong again. Holyfield, who is 43 years old, has said as soon as he gets out of his contract with Don King, he will continue his quixotic attempt to regain his...
Bruce Weber's Lawn Exploits
Well, we won our bet and we have made our post. It occurs to us that if Illinois can win over Xavier on Saturday, the Illini will likely be in the top 10, and we are less than convinced they belong in the top 10. But that's all technical talk; you can get that from Andy Katz, along with a consider...
The Rematch That Isn't, Not Really
The college basketball season really gets going tonight, as our beloved Big Ten takes its ritualistic beating in the ACC/Big Ten Challenge, one of the few things ESPN does every year that makes us smile. And the centerpiece game is, of course, the "rematch" of last year's national championship gam...