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Jokes From David Letterman's Final Top 10 List, Ranked
10. Bill Murray...
Foo Fighters-Backed Letterman Closing Montage Is Mindblowing
Larry ‘Bud’ Melman! Drew Barrymore flashing! The GE fruit basket incident! Andy Kaufman! Late Show with David Letterman packed those and more into a furious closing montage last night that featured 562 different memorable moments from Letterman’s 33 years on late-night TV. (We counted.) The sports p...
Letterman Guests: "Top Ten Things I've Always Wanted To Say To Dave"
David Letterman’s final Top Ten list featured some of the late night host’s most legendary guests each announcing “something they’ve always wanted to say to Dave.” Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin, Barbara Walters, Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, Chris Rock, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Peyton Manning, Tina Fey, and ...
"I'm Not Getting <i>The Tonight Show</i>"; Watch Letterman's Final Monologue
Tonight is David Letterman’s last show after 33 years of hosting late night television. Here’s his final opening monologue, in which he looks back on his decades of work. ...
Goddamn It, I Melted A Cutting Board In The Oven
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Commercial Shandies Are For Suckers. Drink This Beer Instead.
Beer is very useful. In just the past few days I have relied on beer to help me relate to my fellow man, to make college basketball interesting, and to wean me off my Tylenol PM addiction. Beer can also be used to liven up an otherwise limp pot of whatever-bean chili, to repair a dicey relationshi...
MASL Player Headbutts Opponent After Playoff Match; Team Cuts Him
The Baltimore Blast beat the Missouri Comets 10-7 in Sunday's particularly tense MASL playoff match, but after the Blast's 2-0 series sweep, Comets defender Andre Braithwaite walked up to Blast defender Pat Healey and headbutted him in the face....
Let John Oliver Remind You That March Madness And The NCAA Are Bullshit
John Oliver dedicated a huge chunk of last night's episode of Last Week Tonight to battering the NCAA. The fact that he was able to go in on the NCAA's exploitative, hypocritical existence for over 20 minutes should tell you all you need to know about the lie that is college sports. You certainly ...
<i>Last Week Tonight</i> Clowns The Increasingly Desperate <i>SI</i> Swimsuit Issue
Last night's episode of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver featured a segment which addressed a question that everyone who is not a 56-year-old dad who still masturbates to magazines in the bathroom has asked: How is the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue still a thing?...
Looks Like Diego Maradona Went And Bought Himself A New Face
Looking good there, Diego! Like you've shaved years off your face! Those wrinkles at the corner of your eyes, the bags underneath them—all the evidence of your 54 years of hard living has just been wiped away. ...
Splendor in the Short Grass
Here's Grover Lewis' famous Rolling Stone takeout on the filming of The Last Picture Show:...
Utah State Player Throws Down Huge Dunk, And Pays Dearly For It
Like Indiana Jones, Utah State guard JoJo McGlaston knows how to fly, but maybe not so much how to land....
Rap's Love Guru: Why Plies Is Smarter Than You Think
Plies's decade in the rap game—in which he navigated through his native Florida's underground, ascended briefly to mainstream fame via two Gold-selling albums, and has since returned to the Southern rap mixtape circuit—immediately calls to mind one word: "realness." There are the titles of his first...
Songs From <em>The Last Waltz</em>, Ranked
We're talking the film here, not the soundtrack or box set or whatnot. No poems, because the poems sucked. Thank you in advance for completely agreeing with this....
How To Make Fried Mozzarella, Instead Of Getting It At A Crummy Bar
It's a perverse testament to fried mozzarella's greatness that even in its shittiest incarnations, even when it's just battered and deep-fried sticks of rubbery Polly-O string cheese prepared and served at your local dire corporate chain eatery with all the care and enthusiasm of a wino tumbling d...
"Killed by my eyes! My cursed, mutant, energy-blasting eyes!"
Bought a pile of Classic X-Men for 50 cents apiece and came across this gem in context....
John Oliver Made His Own Anti-Redskins Commercial
Inspired by the anti-Redskins commercial that premiered during the NBA Finals, Last Week Tonight host John Oliver decided to air his own version of the ad, one that lays out precisely how indefensible Dan Snyder's refusal to change the name of his football team is....
John Oliver Brilliantly Lays Out All The Reasons To Hate FIFA
We spend a lot of time talking about what a cartoonishly corrupt organization FIFA is, but sometimes it feels like there's not enough time in the day to do a proper rundown of everything there is to hate about Sepp Blatter and his goons. Thankfully, John Oliver is here to give FIFA the comprehensive...
Geezer Minstrelsy. <em>Last Vegas</em>, Reviewed.
Hollywood movies get a lot of things wrong: Midwesterners, marriage, transforming robots. But Last Vegas reminds us that they're also terrible at depicting old age. It's not that studios don't make movies starring older actors—Escape Plan just came out—but when they do, they often paint a picture of...
The Last Laugh: Mailer And Ali By George Plimpton
Norman Mailer went out running with Muhammad Ali one morning, a few days before the fight with George Foreman in Zaire. He asked me to go with him, but I thought of the long ride to Ali’s training camp at N’Sele in the darkness, and thumping along for five miles or so in the wake of the challenger, ...