oneal Page 12 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cultural Oddsmaker: What Comes After Shaq Fat Camp?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
It's Clear That The World Needs Shaq Now More Than Ever
Of course you've seen him in hot pursuit of criminals in the Shaqmobile, and it's no secret that he snaps into action whenever President Bush activates his signal watch, helping to preserve the honor and dignity of this nation's highest office. And sure he can bust through walls. But now here's Shaq...
Mission Accomplished
So if we're understanding Shaq correctly, the past few NBA MVP awards have been tainted, but being lauded by the current Commander-In-Chief is juuuust fine. No taint there....
NBA Roundup: Love Shaq, He's Our Little Love Shaq
Notes from Sunday's games in the National Basketball Association ......
Shaq On Taint
After the Heat lost to Dallas on Thursday, a reporter engaged Shaq in conversation about Dirk Nowitzki's MVP candidacy. Shaq, sensing the opportunity to get some things off his chest, went off about how the award selection process and said that Steve Nash's last two MVP awards were "tainted."...
You Will Dance With Shaq And You Will Like It
There aren't many good reasons not to like Shaq. This was Shaq having fun at the All-Star practice yesterday, forcing LeBron and Dwight Howard to have fun along with him. I realize that Shaq is not everyone's cup of tea, but when he retires, who's going to do stuff like this? It seems like Shaq is m...
Shaq Keeps The World Safe, One Escalade At A Time
It is clear, at this point, that in his dreams Shaquille O'Neal flies over our major cities, combing the streets and alleys from up high, looking for evildoers to apprehend and, if necessary, kung fu chop. Sunday morning, after Shaq had returned from a game in Chicago, he and his bodyguard — whom we...
NBA Roundup: Shaq No Longer Gets To Wear Suits During Games
Notes on Wednesday's games in the National Basketball Association ......
Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Bengals Shackled, Seven Swans-A-Swimming...
Desperate to up the total with the new year looming, Bengals cornerback Deltha O'Neal has become the 8th Cincinnati Bengal to be arrested this calendar year. That has to be an NFL record... and now they're just being greedy and trying to put it completely out of reach for anyone else. There are only...
If They Had To, Most Athletes Could Shoot You Where You Stand
You know, we love sports. (News, we know.) But you know what would make us love sports more? If more players were armed....
Hey, Look, It's Shaq! And ... Uh, OK, That's A Semiautomatic Rifle
So you're sitting at home with your family, minding your own business, watching "Two And A Half Men," or whatever the hell it is families watch at home, when out of nowhere, a SWAT team busts through your door at gunpoint....
Not Shaq And Kobe AGAIN?
The Christmas Day NBA doubleheader is the unofficial kickoff of the NBA season; it's typically the first nationally televised network game, the league's highest-profile moment, its chance to shine....
You Stay White, Miami
At the end of yesterday's victory parade for the Miami Heat, Shaq grabbed the microphone and asked, "Who wanna see Coach Riley dance?" For reasons I can't begin to understand, the people of Miami responded affirmatively, and then the following took place:...
Heat Win First-Ever Title, And Even Cuban's Classy About It
Even though their apparently show their loyalty by dressing up like Klan members — even when they're not actually at the arena in which the games are being played, like in this picture — and even though they don't have an owner whose brain is always on the verge of a noisy (and always smart and en...
Jerry Stackhouse And Common Sense Have Been Suspended
Jerry Stackhouse was found to be in violation of the NBA's strict "Do Not Touch Shaquille O'Neal" policy yesterday, as the league announced that it was suspending him for Game 5 of the NBA Finals. Stackhouse committed a hard foul on Shaq as the big man was driving for a lay-up. Have a look:...
Is This It For Shaq, Wade And Riley?
Well, if you're not too busy waving David Hasselhoff masks like a maniac, you should certainly be intrigued by tonight's NBA Finals Game 3. The Heat obviously have to win, and the game is perhaps as important to Shaquille O'Neal's legacy as it is to Pat Riley and the rest of the Heat. Even Dwyane ...
Shaq Gets His Big Ass Back In The Finals
Things may have finally gotten rough enough for Pistons guard Rip Hamilton, who loves to spout his slogan, "If it ain't rough, it ain't right," which has always sounded slightly dirty to me....
Say Goodnight, Detroit
We tend to agree with True Hoop: Something inside the Pistons looks broken. After the Heat's 11-point win over the Pistons last night, they're one game away from their first conference NBA finals ever and changing the face of the Pistons forever. (As True Hoop points out, are they really going to ...
The End Of Shaq Is Nigh
We couldn't have been more thoroughly depressed by last night's Lakers-Heat matchup, otherwise known as Shaq-Kobe II (or IV, or whatever). Aside from the much-heralded but mostly boring "peace accord" between Shaq and Kobe, and aside from the game itself (the Lakers finally beat Shaq), we were dow...
Look Out For The Black Mamba. (Relax, We Don't Mean Literally)
We hate to be the ones who have to point this out, but after all we've made fun of him for — with our personal favorite still being Chuck Klosterman's notion that the Lakers are like "an eighth-grade intramural team which happens to have one kid with a mustache" — it's worth noting that the man no...