p Page 6478 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Keep Your Head In The Game At All Times, Even When It's Split Open
A good portion of Americans join softball leagues this time of the year. Many do it for the social aspect alone, which leaves many teams stockpiled with players who are ridiculously awful....

Fun Conspiracy Theories About ESPN.com's Pony Attack
Several emailers have pointed out an odd coincidence between ESPN.com's cornification and an interview featuring America's Sideline Princess. We may have our first real suspect....

New Jersey Would Probably Like That Last Minute Back
It's one thing to give up the game-tying goal in the last 1:20 of a Game 7, but to give up a game-tying and game-winning goal in the last 1:20—that's probably going to haunt you....

Olympians Still Failing Drug Tests A Year Later
Remember the Beijing Olympics all the way back in the simpler time of late-summer 2008? Well, I don't mean to shock you, but everyone there was on drugs. [Steroid Nation]...

When All Else Fails, Just Punch Brad Miller In The Face
The Boston-Chicago series had its third overtime game last night and they might still be playing now if Rajon Rando hadn't decided to just end the charade and slug Brad Miller in the mouth....

I Am Now Genuinely Concerned About Tommy Lasorda's Health
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Auburn's "Tiger Prowl" Might Be As Creepy As It Sounds
The Auburn recruiting limo—coming soon to a high school near you. If you're 250-lb linebacker with 4.6 speed, that is. [Birmingham News, Press-Register]...

ESPN.com's Lead Tech Guru Explains How They Were Attacked By Dancing Unicorns And Glittery Ponies
Keith Lam is the programming guy for ESPN.com and spent most of his final hour yesterday fighting off unicorns from ESPN.com's site. How did this awesomeness happen? He explains. Kind of....

You Suck, Schuster!
A double in the top of the third ended Patrick Schuster's bid for a fifth consecutive no-hitter. [TampaTribune]...

NASCAR Still Dealing With Its Talladega Identity Crisis
I'm not sure if everyone has weighed in on the Carl Edwards restrictor plate mess, but there's been enough chatter from drivers past and present to show that everyone involved in racing has an opinion....

Matt Vasgersian Speaks!: Not A Racist, Just A Terrible Comedian
"I'm an idiot...Save the racial stuff which is just flat out wrong, almost all of what has been posted on my regrettably horrific timing is spot on...Nobody feels worse about it than I do." [KSK]...

The Hideki Irabu Era Is Not Over Yet
When last we heard of Japanese pitching sensation Hideki Irabu, he was drinking beer by the barrel and slugging bartenders back in his homeland. That was apparently just the warmup for his stateside comeback....

The University Of Oregon's Ultimate Frisbee Team Knows What It Means To Be ULTIMATE, Man
Suspended for off-field antics, the team got all "Footloose" at a school board meeting: "Speeding, drinking, nudity - they're not bad things. They're things a big portion of the community doesn't think are wrong." [SeattleTimes]...

Horse Killed In Collision At Churchill Downs
A 2-year-old filly died at Churchill Downs Monday after another horse collided with her during a training session. The collision was caught on video, but it's not for the squeamish....

You People Are Not Helping Molly Oberstar Defeat Her Overconfidence Problem
Remember this girl? Molly Oberstar? No? Me neither. But! It appears her "Exotic, European look" was enough to overcompensate for her self-absorption to win St. Paul Magazine's Real Model contest. [RandBall]...

Bruce Pearl Attempts To Use His Roguish, Swarthy Charm On Layla Kiffin
Bruce Pearl is tireless in his pursuit of younger, very attractive women. Even married mother of three, Layla Kiffin is not off-limits from his creepy advances....

The TeeBow Will Be In All The Ladies' Pants This Fall
I don't even want to contemplate the number of licensing agreements that are being violated here, but Tim Tebow-inspired ladies underwear is now available. I hear they come pre-soaked. (Sorry.) [TeeBows; via Deuce of Davenport]...

The Buzzsaw Bandwagon Has Found Its Driver
After 110 years for continuous football domination, the Arizona Cardinals finally have an "official" (sorta) fan club. And all they had to do was lose the Super Bowl!...

Ten Humans, Or Parts Thereof
Programming note: Our beloved Emeritus is traveling this week. Whether it's by air or through space and time, he refused to confirm. In his place, I will be presenting this week's Ten Humans. Sort of....

Softball Season Brings Out The Best And Worst In Everyone
A good portion of New Yorkers join softball leagues for the social aspect alone, which leaves many teams stockpiled with players who are ridiculously awful....