p Page 6484 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

William "Refrigerator" Perry In The Hospital
The Fridge is expected to recover, but is suffering from Guillain-Barre Syndrome, "a chronic inflammation disorder of the peripheral nerves" and also something that doctors call "Shuffleitis." [Sun-Times]...

Umpire Kerwin Danley May Need Stronger Head Gear
Kerwin Danley was carted off the field last night after getting hit in the head with a broken bat—almost a year to the day since he was plunked in face by a Brad Penny fastball....

Alexander Ovechkin Can't Drive 55
Rachel Nichols had a nice "so now you know" profile about the NHL's goofy MVP on E:60 last night. What do you think happens when a toothless, 23-year-old adrenaline junkie gets handed $100 million?...

For Great Quality At A Low, Low Price, Come On Down During Aaron Curry Discount Days
Aaron Curry is shopping himself to the Lions via text message — which technically is SPAM — telling general manager Martin Mayhew he can be had for a song if he chooses him No. 1....

But Who Could Possibly Sex Mutombo With A Bad Knee?
After last night's knee injury, Dikembe Mutombo says his career of shot-blocking and finger-wagging has come to a close:" For me, basketball is over," he said. One of the NBA's nicest guys. [SI]...

Cubs Fans Will Never Escape Their Terrible Destiny
A rogue cat invaded Wrigley Field yesterday, reminding Cubbie fans everywhere that the ceaseless torment of loving sport's most accursed franchise will follow them to their eternal damnation beyond the grave....

Yes, Hockey Does Have Buzzer-Beaters
After giving up a 3-goal lead, Carolina beats New Jersey on a slap shot with 0.2 seconds left in the game, which I guess is not a lot of time remaining.[NHL]...

I Guess This Is What You Live For
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

The Lingerie Football League Is Not Immune To The Cruel Economic Realities Of America
The Atlanta Steam has relocated to (gasp) Charlotte. Adjust your schedules accordingly. [Monkeys Throwing Darts]...

Chill Life With J.A. Adande
Once again, here is another photo of indeterminate origin of ESPN/LA Times Pimpmaster General J.A. Adande in bedtime attire within five feet of scantily clad women....

How Clemens' Retirement May Have Single-Handedly Sunk The Housing Market
At this rate there are going to be more books on Roger Clemens than on Abraham Lincoln ... and why not? Lincoln never kept apartments in 12 different cities for all of his women....

Columbus Will Never Forget Its First Time
Down 0-2 to Detroit, the Blue Jackets host their first-ever home playoff game tonight and Puck Daddy has a tribute to other playoff virgins. Confused Buckeye fans are unsure what to burn. [Puck Daddy]...

Here's Your Live Cam From A Grueling Lingerie Football League Mini Camp
Yesterday I mistakenly referred to the LA Avengers as the only pro football franchise in Los Angeles. How could I forgot about the Los Angeles Temptation? [TMZ]...

Karen Sypher Speaks (Sort Of)
Karen Sypher, the woman at the center of the bizarre Rick Pitino extortion thingy wants to give her side of the story. Her vague, paranoid, possibly disturbed side of the story....

It Appears Jesse Scroggins Is Sending Secret Messages About His School Of Choice
Jesse Scroggins is one of the most sought after high school quarterbacks in the country, so naturally he has one of those in-depth ESPN prospect pages that outline his strengths, weaknesses, and schools of choice....

Jim McMahon Is The "MVP Of The Bedroom"
It's come to this: The former Bears quarterback has become a pitchman for a mysterious sex drug. [WGN Morning News]...

Private Parts: John Daly Questions Rick Reilly's Ethics
Full disclosure: I have not read Rick Reilly's book, Who's Your Caddy? John Daly has, however, and would like to know just what it is about "off the record" that Reilly doesn't understand....

The Glorious Return Of The "Superstars"
Because television officially ran out of ideas six years ago, ABC is bringing back "Superstars," the insane multi-sport athletic competition designed to humiliate your childhood heroes. And guess who is the starring superstar!...

You're Just Making Carlie Christine More Famous
The Sacramento area cheerleading coach who was ratted out by members of her squad and fired for posing nude in Playboy has been named that magazine's Cyber Girl of the Month. Vindication!...