p Page 6485 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Erick Dampier Should Not Think Out Loud
"Every time [Tony Parker] drives the lane, we have to put him on his back....My first foul Thursday night is going to put him on his back. I guarantee it." [Dallas Morning News]...

Mets Fans Give Thanks For One More Thing To Complain About
The Great Doc Gooden Autograph Controversy is mercifully at an end, the Mets having reversed field on the issue after getting an earful in a glorious media/fan backlash....

Andrew Bynum Continues To Pad His Resume: He's Now Dating Rihanna?
The Lakers' big man is rumored to be dating the recently disentangled singer Rihanna.. [The Big Lead]...

Which Team's Fans Have The Most Trouble With Erectile Dysfunction?
This is a new weekly column from Leitch. It has words, and pictures. It's called Ten Humans Of The Week. It might or might not work. But here it is....


But Pirates Are So Popular Right Now
"The paid attendance of 8,790 was the sixth-smallest in PNC Park history, the smallest having been 8,201 from the April, 25, 2007. Actual turnstile count was roughly 4,500." [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, TwoBigBoobs]...

"Moneyball" Casting Department Seeking Undervalued Actors
The cast of Steven Soderbergh's ridiculous Moneyball adaptation is starting to come together and it looks to be about as awesome as a dramatic feature about sabermetrics could possibly be....

You Not Dead, Dawg
The Great Falls Little League has stepped up and will pay Elijah Dukes' tardiness fine. It's $500. That means they will have to sell at least 400 Suicide Sodas at their next home game. [WaPo]...

Four No-Hitters In A Row? OK, That's Impressive
When I heard a high school baseball pitcher threw three consecutive no-hitters, it was like "Whatever." But when the same kid does it four times in a row ... now you've got my attention....

Andy Kennedy Avoids Another International Incident
Mississippi's fun-loving, cabbie-punching basketball coach pleads guilty to disorderly conduct for his drunken police adventure and will not serve jail time. Hopefully, that means Mrs. Kennedy will finally get some release. [ESPN]...

Druggie NFL Prospects Not Actually On Drugs
Remember all the fuss recently about certain draft prospects who tested positive for drugs at the scouting combine and how it made everyone sad for today's youth? Yeah, none of those guys actually tested positive....

University of Miami Students Bristle Over No. 1 Party School Ranking
''I've been to the University of Michigan and that UM is crazy...[W]e rarely have parties on campus. We just go to ones that are more exclusive.'' [Miami Herald]...

Kenny Powers Part III
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...

Jason Giambi Grows Up. Sort Of.
Jason Giambi's recent interview with GQ shows that even though he's now 38-years-old, he's still the same freewheeling maniac that you'd want to host your bachelor party....

"Moneyball" Author Has A Small Penis, Cruel Family
"Daddy has a small penis!" That's according to his toddler daughter, who likes to let everyone at her day care center know that fact about her father. [NYP]...

Doc Gooden: Wanton CitiField Graffiti Outlaw
Apparently Felix Unger is now in charge of stadium operations at CitiField. Hey, it's a brand new stadium! Don't write on the walls! Even if you've won a Cy Young Award and your name is Doc Gooden....

LA Just Can't Seem To Hold On To Pro Football
The only pro football team in Los Angeles, the LA Avengers of the Arena Football League, is disbanded. So now what do I do with these 2010 season tickets? [NBCSports]...

Boston Marathon Winners Shockingly Not From Boston
Ethiopia's Deriba Merga (he's the guy) and Kenya's Salina Kosgei (the woman) won the Boston Marathon today. An American finished third! How cute! (That's second place writhing in agony on the ground, FYI.) [AP; Star-Tribune]...

Woman Loses Miss USA Competition By Being Unfairly Forced To Think
I was THIS close to winning my Miss USA office pool this year, but my choice to win it all, Miss California, choked like the Washington Nationals in the bottom of the ninth....