pain Page 15 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Sunday Night Football Crew Still Really Likes Talking About Peyton Manning
Because it's too early for flex scheduling to kick in, America was forced to endure yet another nationally televised game involving the Curtis Painter-led Colts....

Oh God Oh God The Bull Gored Him Right Through The Face (NSFW)
Remember this guy from last year, getting a horn under the chin and out the mouth? This one is like a billion times worse. Please know what you're getting into before you watch the video or view the (much more graphic) photo....

Ferran Adria Will Provide Avant-Garde Food Particles To FC Barcelona's Future Lionel Messis
Understandably, FC Barcelona wants to create an entire youth generation of budding Lionel Messis. The kind of young men who dream about soccer. The kind of young men who attend the sex and alcohol parties for the video games. The kind of young men who will eat only the finest, most sought-after cuis...

NFL Network "Obtained" NFLPA Email To Players, Says Story On NFL.com
All that giddy chatter about the NFL lockout possibly ending tonight? Yeah, you can just forget all about that. Here are the top three paragraphs in a story appearing on NFL.com under the headline, "NFLPA expresses displeasure with league in email to player reps" ......

End Of Two-A-Days: The Players Win An Early Labor Battle
It's being framed as Bart Scott playing the contrarian, but that's burying the lede. The real story is the elimination of two-a-day practices in training camp, a change midwifed during these climactic lockout negotiations....

Mike Holmgren Weighs In On The Santa Cruz Dog-Ban Issue
The 35-year-old ban on dogs in downtown Santa Cruz could come to an end next week. Dog owners have money, and the business owners want it. Asked a leading are-you-surprised-there's-a-ban question by KSBW's Phil Gomez, Mike Holmgren of Scotts Valley said, "I'm a little surprised. I didn't know that,...

Today In Sad Pittsburgh Headlines
Pittsburgh to honor Ward's 'Dancing' win on Thursday: "The city of Pittsburgh will hold a rally at noon Thursday to honor Hines Ward's victory in ABC-TV's 'Dancing with the Stars' competition." [Post-Gazette]...

Roger Goodell Is Waving His Dick Around Only Because He Loves Us So Much
Roger Goodell said some bullshit yesterday that, I swear, the Serious Football Media would've tsk-tsked as "counterproductive rhetoric" had anything so disingenuous come out of De Smith's mouth. Here's what the commisioner told Tampa Bay season ticketholders in a conference call:...

The NFL Lockout Court Battle, Explained Via Pretty Word Clouds
Like bright colors? Hate the complexity of legal procedure? Well, not only are you the target audience for the NFL's lockout PR campaign, but you might also enjoy these visualizations we made out of the court documents from Brady et al v. National Football League. Above is a word cloud for all of th...

Phillies Infielder Throws 10-Pitch 19th Inning To Close Out Joey Votto And The Reds
Your morning roundup for May 26, the day after Disney realized that it probably wasn't the best of ideas to trademark American heroes for profit....

The Evil Arrests That Ray Lewis Was Talking About Have Already Started
Free-agent backup running back Garrett Wolfe, late of the Chicago Bears, was charged with retail theft, disorderly conduct, assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest with violence in Miami this morning. This was Wolfe's first newsworthy event since Wednesday when he spoke to the Chicago Sun-...

Today In Great Quotes: Ray Lewis On How Evil Pertains To The Lockout
"Do this research if we don't have a season — watch how much evil, which we call crime, watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game," Ray Lewis told ESPN's Sal Paolantonio....

Watch ESPN's Doris Burke Flub Her Lines About Oklahoma City Arena
Your morning roundup for May 22, the day some people in North Carolina started taking Pirates of the Caribbean too literally, but not in a cool swashbuckling way or anything....

More Misplaced Rhetoric From Pro Football Talk
De Smith says the NFL is the "first league in the history of sports that has ever sued to not play their game," which, like a lot of slogans, isn't entirely accurate (the NFL hasn't sued), even if it accurately conveys the sense that the NFL is taking great pains to get its lockout. Mike Florio has ...

Today In Intra-Media Twitter Spats
Jason Whitlock of FoxSports.com (@whitlockjason) started it with a Tweet stating, "NFL media, which I am one, scared lockout is damaging their profile. They're panicking and trying to create hysteria (clicks). Too invested." Pro Football Talk's Mike Florio (@profootballtalk) wasn't about to let tha...

The Bizarre Cult Of Pro-Owner NFL Fanboys
Here's a tidy summation of how we've managed to get to where we are with the NFL lockout. A few years ago, the players and owners agreed to a new CBA, with only Ralph Wilson and Mike Brown voting against the agreement, in Wilson's case because he's old and easily confused by things....

Getting Checked Into The Boards Hurts More Than Getting Hit By A Pitch, Says College Reporter Who Got Checked Into The Boards
Long-time, first-time tipster Mike Toper saw the video of Kansas City Star blogger/reporter Lee Judge getting beaned by a batting-cage ball, and you know what he said to himself? Judge is a pussy. Fine, he didn't say that exactly, but he provided video evidence supporting that stance, along with t...

Before Returning To Lockout Mode, Every NFL Franchise Decided Against Drafting A Bone-Cancer Survivor
Your morning roundup for May 1, the day after Seth Meyers said Weekend Update stuff to people's faces....

Lockout's Back On (UPDATE: Maybe Sort Of Not Yet)
Sorry, folks....

Your Annual Professional-Football Player-Selection Show Open Thread
Will Cam Newton spray folks with Cammy Cam Juice? Will the Jets faithful turn out en masse? Does anybody involved with, or interested in, tonight's NFL Draft festivities not qualify, in one way or another, as Mr. Irrelevant?...