pain Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The NFL Has A Painkiller Crisis That It Never Wants To Go Away
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Those Who've Faced Andrew Luck's Choice Know Why He Made It
The single most telling thing in the wake of Andrew Luck’s surprise retirement is the near-unanimous support for his decision from other football players. The sports shouters on your TV and in your Twitter machine can rail against soft millennials all they like, but the people who know what it’s lik...
Here's Josh Norman Leaping Over A Bull In Pamplona
I guarantee you this is the best football-adjacent highlight you’ll see all day. This stretch of July is when thousands of brave/stupid people travel to Pamplona, Spain to put their bodies at risk, and Washington cornerback Josh Norman was there to face a foe much scarier than the Los Angeles Rams o...
Recently Promoted Spanish Soccer Club Renamed As Flat Earth FC
After earning promotion to the Spanish fourth flight division, the club formerly known as Mostoles Balompie got a complete rebrand from president Javi Poves and was renamed Flat Earth FC. Poves confirmed in a video statement that the change was intended to support one of the dumbest fringe beliefs:...
Let's Remember Some Guys: They Enlarged Greg Minton's Teeth
There is something about a mustache that disorients a person. It is a grooming decision first and foremost, but also and in a broader sense it is a choice. Growing a bunch of hair on your upper lip and then getting like marinara sauce and old bits of cake in it is, at bottom, a decision that you mak...
A Pair Of Megan Rapinoe Penalties Sent A Shaky USWNT To The Quarterfinals
It wasn’t the type of breezy victory that defined the USWNT’s run through the group stage, but in their first knockout game of the 2019 World Cup, the U.S. gutted out a tough, unpretty 2-1 victory against Spain in which two Megan Rapinoe penalties outweighed one disastrous defensive mistake....
La Liga Fined €250,000 For Spying On App Users To Crack Down On Illegal Streams
Spain’s La Liga was fined €250,000 today by the Spanish Data Protection Agency, one year after admitting that its mobile app was spying on some users’ phones in an attempt to find out if they were watching games on illegal feeds....
Is There Artistic Merit In This Painting Of A-Rod Sitting On His Toilet? An Investigation
The picture of former Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez sitting on his expensive, curtain-less Manhattan loo has become such a powerful cultural image that a tipster sent us a painting of it....
Free From Their Sexist, Tyrannical Former Manager, Spain Can Finally Just Play Soccer
They say that when God closes a door, he opens a window, and that wisdom is knowing to stop worrying about the closed door and start taking advantage of the open window. The metaphor applies to the Spain women’s soccer team’s experience at their first World Cup four years ago. The closed door was th...
Spanish Soccer Team Celebrates Promotion With Awkward Postgame Strip Tease
With their season-capping win on Saturday, soccer club Esportiu Llançà won promotion from Catalonia’s third division (Spain’s seventh tier overall) to its second. To celebrate the team going up, one of the club’s board members arranged for a stripper to enter the locker room after the game and drop ...
Did Cal Ripken Jr. Sign This Painting Of An Oriole By John Wayne Gacy?
For those of you clamoring for the autographs of both a serial killer and a Baseball Hall of Famer, here’s a way to, well, kill two birds with one stone. You can buy this “original acrylic painting of an Oriole by John Wayne Gacy, which prominently features the autograph of Cal Ripken Jr.” for $9,99...
Santi Cazorla Completes His Resurrection By Earning A Spanish National Team Spot
The last time Santi Cazorla played for the Spanish national team, Donald Trump wasn’t President, Vine still existed, and Real Madrid only had one Champions League this decade. The date was November 14, 2015, and Cazorla had scored against England in a 2-0 friendly win. The wheels almost literally fe...
Hugo Lloris Reminded Us That There Are Infinite Ways To Craft A Goalkeeping Howler
History will show that Tottenham defender Toby Alderweireld’s 90th minute own goal was responsible for gifting Liverpool a 2-1 win during a tight race for their first league title since 1989-90. History can be a strange and misleading thing. In this case what Alderweireld is responsible for is stand...
Dejan Lovren Suspended For Calling Sergio Ramos, Spain Players "Pussies"
According to the Liverpool Echo, UEFA has suspended Croatia and Liverpool defender Dejan Lovren for one international match because of a postgame Instagram Live rant Lovren went on recently in which he bragged about elbowing Sergio Ramos and called the Spain national team “a bunch of pussies.”...
Spain Arrests 15 Connected To Armenian Tennis Match-Fixing Gang
Spanish police arrested 15 people, and said another 68 have been investigated, as part of probe into tennis match-fixing by an Armenian criminal gang. ...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?<em></em>
It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t r...
World-Class Asshole Sergio Ramos Proves He Did Not Stomp On Raheem Sterling
Well what do you know, it turns out that world-class asshole Sergio Ramos was actually innocent of this one incident of assholery against Raheem Sterling in Monday’s Spain-England match....
![This Sure Looks Like World-Class Asshole Sergio Ramos Stomping On Raheem Sterling [Update: Ramos Is Innocent]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/undskortwl3k61cjdlck.gif)
This Sure Looks Like World-Class Asshole Sergio Ramos Stomping On Raheem Sterling [Update: Ramos Is Innocent]
Update [Oct. 17, 10:04 a.m.]: Today Sergio Ramos posted a video that proves he did not actually stomp on Raheem Sterling. The original version of this post can be found below....
Maybe Paco Alcácer Sold His Soul To The Devil For The Power To Score Whenever He Wants
Though Paco Alcácer’s goal today came when Spain were already down big in their UEFA Nations League match against England, the weight of the scoreline was never going to keep the corners of his mouth from turning upward in delight. Alcácer had stepped over the sideline and into a 3-0 hiding in the 5...