Shelled Vs. Unshelled Peanuts... Who Ya Got?!
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering shaving for old man noises, poop hoses, phone alerts, and more.
Peanut Butter Is Your Salvation In a Jar
“This advice can be fatal,” wrote Dr. Henry J. Heimlich to the New York Times in 1981, protesting their suggestion to pregame with peanut butter to curb overeating. “We have records of persons choking to death after eating peanut butter off a spoon. The problem is that the thick substance becomes lodged in the throat…
How Snoopy Killed Peanuts
By the end of its run in 2000, Peanuts was an institution. It had become an omnipresent part of American culture, and that’s not a compliment.
Miami Marlins Owner's Insane Book About Peanuts Will Melt Your Brain
When we speak of spring and baseball, we speak of renewal. New shoots of grass, possibility, the warm rays in Florida. We rarely mention the game's antipodal force that dwells there too, a darkness that consumes joy—its unblinking saurian eyes unevolved for 37 million years, unregenerate in its predation on all hope.…
Does A Charlie Brown Christmas Suck? A Very Deadspin Debate
It sucks, writes Drew Magary: "Why are we still subjecting kids to this awful shit?" | You're missing the point, writes Tom Scocca: "I love Christmas and Christmas is stressful as a motherfucker and A Charlie Brown Christmas is exactly right about the whole deal."
Deez Nuts
This is fun. Thanks to Mark Drew for making 'em and Ego Trip for pointing 'em out.
Counterpoint: Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus
Gosh, somebody is taking a supposedly beloved holiday ritual and saying it's really awful and depressing. Who ever had that idea before? Oh, right: Charlies Schulz.
Fuck You, Charlie Brown
Every year you watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, and every year you come away depressed. You're a real asshole, Charlie Brown. Originally published Dec. 9, 2010. Read Tom Scocca's counterpoint: "Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus."
Fuck You, Charlie Brown
I showed my kid the Charlie Brown Christmas special the other day and she was depressed for the rest of the week. Why are we still subjecting kids to this awful shit?
Aaugh! No Peanuts In Seattle
On Sunday, the Mariners will institute "peanut-free" seating, for fans with the common allergy. Fans allergic to offense will also be accommodated. [Post-Intelligencer]
How The Gruden Stole Christmas
So are we pretty much agreed that the Big Three in Christmas specials are The Grinch, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and A Charlie Brown Christmas? (Apologies to Will Leitch). Well, one of these will not be seen in the Tampa Bay area as scheduled on Monday, as ABC is pre-empting A Charlie Brown Christmas for the…
A Day Playing Catch With Charlie Brown
I've been a Peanuts fan pretty much my entire life, but it took the new Baseball as Allegory exhibit to finally drag my sorry butt out to the Charles M. Schulz Museum in Santa Rosa, Calif. I highly recommend the experience if you happen to be in the neighborhood, if for no other reason than to sit at the drawing…
Nice Pitching, You Blockhead
Look, there's probably no tougher job in baseball than that of closer. But that being said, it's hard to imagine someone failing at it in more spectacular fashion than did the Giants' Armando Benitez last week. The Giants had a one-run lead in the ninth against the Mets on May 29 when Benitez was brought in to wrap…
