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Woe To The Land: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL Playoffs
Big choices today, folks. On the one hand, you could do something fun and enriching and squeeze a little enjoyment out of your weekend; on the other hand, you could subject yourself to the misery of what might be the worst playoff quarterback matchup in NFL history. Tough call!...

Stick To The Plan: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
The challenge of looking away from the NFL has two parts....

Scott Tolzien In Primetime: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
All the attention soaked up by the presidential election was one of the possible reasons for the NFL’s season-long ratings malaise, but a few weeks later, nationally broadcast games still aren’t where they used to be....

Clean Football Is Still Football: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
This week was an interesting test case for the NFL in this era of increased scrutiny and public skepticism. The league news was mostly clear of the kinds of self-inflicted embarrassments and setbacks that have become so routine during the Roger Goodell era. For the first time in what seems like a lo...

Keep It In The Toilet: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
It’s like the NFL has a checklist of possible fuck-ups and self-inflicted public-relations disasters, and they make a point of marking as many items as possible each week. This pattern makes disliking the NFL easy and fun, if you’re interested in giving it a shot....

Man In Charge: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
The NFL will probably never fire Roger Goodell. If you’re waiting for that day to come, don’t waste your time. Some day, years from now, Goodell is going to retire as commissioner, and there will be an unbearable period of exaggerated, rose-colored reflection on the passing of a heroic, legendary f...

A Sinking Ship: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
Maybe you’ve heard, but the NFL’s television ratings are sinking like a stone....

Moral Ineptitude: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
The extent of the NFL’s failure to learn any meaningful lessons from the several years’ worth of ass-kickings it’s absorbed over its handling of domestic violence is really something. ...

Spare Your Eyeballs: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
NFL uniforms are fucking hideous now. Look at this shit:...

The Already-Enormous Body Count: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
Ah yes, Week 4—the first week of NFL byes and something like the quarter mark of the NFL regular season. Always a fine time to check in on player health around the league. After all, bye weeks are when teams get a week off to rest up and heal. How’s everyone doing?...

Don't Be A Mark: Your Guide To Ignoring The NFL Today
Man. Personal seat licenses are quite the racket....

Stay Out Of The Trenches: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
Whew. The start of the 2016 NFL season sure brought the total package—a shrieking onslaught of the NFL’s signature blend of chaos, cranked up to the NFL’s signature ear-splitting decibel level: impenetrable rules; confused officiating; jarring and improperly handled brain injuries; fan-level buffoon...

Here We Go Again: Your Guide To Ignoring The NFL Today
Here we are, in the waning days of summer 2016. The hellish daytime heat of summer hasn’t much backed off, but the days are already shorter, and the nights are cooler, and the leaves on the trees are already starting to change. You know what that means! NFL football is back, baby! God fucking dammit...

Good Morning! The Jezebel Staff Is Running Deadspin Today
Hi, I’m the editor of Jezebel. Today, the Jezebel staff will be running Deadspin. ...

Here Are The Porn Movies You Could Be Watching Instead Of The Super Bowl
Most networks don’t even bother attempting to program against the Super Bowl. But every channel has to air something, including your local cable provider’s porn channels. Here are the titles of porn movies airing on Time Warner Cable opposite the Super Bowl, according to today’s TV Guide:...

Progress! Progress? Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
Every season the NFL puts out an annual report on player safety, helpfully titled the “NFL Health and Safety Report.” Now that we’ve arrived at the end of the regular season, let’s revisit the report from the preseason....

Bad Looks: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
For my money, the big NFL news this week was Diana Moskovitz’s report that discredited quack Dr. Elliot Pellman is still playing an important-seeming role in the NFL’s concussion safety apparatus. Try as they might, the NFL can’t solve concussions—that’s impossible in football—but they also can’t ke...

Another Icky Week: Your Guide To Ignoring The NFL Today
We’re down to the final four weeks of one of the crummiest NFL regular seasons anyone can remember. Your boy Adam Schefter pointed this out a few weeks ago, and the situation has not improved:...

Schrödinger's Football: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
As pointed out Tuesday, the NFL is having a terrible time with officiating this season. Or, anyway, the NFL seems to be having a terrible time with officiating this season. Are we just more aware of it? Who can say. NFL football, in fact, only exist in the abstract, and must be articulated to fans e...

The Dipshittiest Of All Dipshit Sports Fans: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
No close examination of the bullcrap NFL would be complete without a look at NFL fans, possibly the dipshittiest of all dipshit sports fans when taken as a whole....