races Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Sling I Wear On My Mangled Arm Smells Like Ass, Please Help
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Don't Be A Dick At Concerts
Nothing ruins a concert faster than some rude-ass fellow concertgoers. At a certain point, it’s gotta be legal for you to swat a phone out of someone’s hand who just won’t stop taking pictures at a show. It’s not cool, man. You can’t control the behavior of someone else, but you can make sure you’re...
Champion Powerboat Racer Who Faked His Death Surrenders To Authorities
Andrew Biddle—the champion powerboat racer who authorities suspected of faking his own death in a boating accident—surrendered in Atlantic County Superior Court today. Biddle and a friend were supposedly in a boat that crashed into a buoy off of Longport (N.J.) last July. The friend swam to shore an...
Philadelphia Hosts World's Shortest Running Event
Have you ever found yourself envious of all those races runners participate in, but are unwilling to actually run? Then Philadelphia (which, it should be noted, is the 14th-fattest city in the U.S.) has just the event for you....
Cheating-Ass Wiener Dog Will Not Be Stopped
The main takeaway here is that all dog competitions should be interbreed. Otherwise, how else are we going to see a Chihuahua get trucked?...
One Of The Brewers' Racing Sausages Is Missing
Disaster in Milwaukee: Guido the Italian Sausage, pictured above to the far left, was last seen barhopping in a local suburb the weekend before last, only it's not clear who was wearing the $3,000 costume or where it went....
The Most Exciting Action Of The Weekend Was In This Kids Relay Race
Even without betting on them, the races and games held during stoppages in play of sporting events are often the most thrilling action of the day; it's possible I miss the mites games between periods more than anything else during the NHL lockout. This relay race, from half time of yesterday's Sou...
A Competitor In New York's First Ironman Triathlon Died In The Hudson River
During the swim portion of the inaugural New York City Ironman Triathlon, which began 7 a.m. Saturday morning, a 43-year-old man experienced what most are calling "medical distress" or "a medical problem." He was pulled from the water and taken to a hospital, but did not survive. Autopsy results are...
American Relay Runner Broke His Leg, Still Finished His Run
Manteo Mitchell is an American hero and a man's man. Running the opening leg of today's 4x400 qualifying heat, Mitchell felt something go in his leg. Pain? You bet. Enough pain to let down his teammates and his country? Fuck and no....
There Was An Extra Tool In Today's Braves Tool Race, And This One Got Arrested [UPDATE]
Like most ballparks, Turner Field hosts a silly race between costumed characters that represent some sponsoring interest. In the Braves' case, it's the Home Depot Tool Race. Today's Tool Race featured an extra competitor, a fan who raced in from center field and made it to the infield before being...
Feeling Goodell: Who Hugged The NFL Commissioner Longest At Last Night's Draft?
NFL commissioner and disciplinary hardass Roger Goodell has ushered in the Draft Day Hug Era, eschewing the usual handshake photo-ops in favor of giving in to those players who want to give him the bro treatment. Goodell has embraced the embrace to such an extent that it's become the norm. Every pl...
A Day At The Rug Races: A Filthy, Hooker-Filled Excerpt That Was Cut From The Upcoming ESPN Book
Next week, excerpts from the long-awaited ESPN oral history Those Guys Have All The Fun will start trickling out, including one next week when the June issue of GQ drops. There are a lot of very nervous people in Bristol right now, and if the following passage is any indication of the book's conten...
Scandal! Ohio State Paid For Evan Turner's Braces
There's a well-meaning NCAA program that made $54 million — $500k for OSU — available to players via a "Special Assistance Fund." It's a lovely idea that's sure to be abused in the next big college scandal. [The Lantern, h/t Dan]...
Always Tinkering, The Germans Have Decided Sledding Could Use More Nudity
It's tough to find one activity these days that isn't sullied by some lecherous individual pushing the "dude, this would be so much better naked" idea, and in Lower Saxony they've decided that activity should be sledding. (NSFW)...
Tigers And Twins Desperately Trying To Make You Care About Baseball
The 2009 baseball season has been a bit of a dud, drama-wise. So how about a final week double-header that will MEAN EVERYTHING! Or change everything. Or solve nothing? I forget how these dramatic finishes are supposed to work....
The Rockies Are A Team Of Destiny ... Again
Two years ago, Colorado's miracle finish lifted a scrappy upstart team to the World Series. Then suddenly they were were terrible again. Now they're on the verge of another miracle comeback. How do they do it (every other year)?...
All The Mutton, None Of The Bustin'
Brainstorm! What if, instead of having scared little children try to ride sheep, we strapped stuffed animals to their backs and made the fuzzy little guys race? Leave it to the Irish to take mutton sports to the next level....
Tim Donaghy Stayed Busy
Details of Tim Donaghy's exploits as a crooked NBA referee are beginning to emerge from the governments investigation, and the NBA must be thrilled. The New York Daily News is reporting that Donaghy influenced upwards of 100 games during his career....
Culprit Found In Eight Belles Tragedy. It's Hillary, Of Course
Backing the wrong horse is always deadly in politics, especially when it's an actual horse. Poor Hillary Clinton. How can someone get into trouble just betting on the Kentucky Derby? By making a huge deal about placing a bet on a horse that had to be destroyed right on the track, that's how. Now PET...
Other Than That, How Was The Race, Mrs. Lincoln?
New weekend editor Christmas Ape tried out to be one of the guys who run the Presidents Races at Washington Nationals games. Here's how it went....