red Page 372 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ma Sweets Will Punch You In The Mouth
What kind of woman would raise a man who would wear a costume like this? What kind of woman could raise such a spawn?...
Laura Quinn Gives Us A Fiesta Of Pain
Thoughts while watching about three hundred shots of Brady Quinn's sister, Laura, during the Fiesta Bowl last night: 1. We kind of miss that TV show, Xena, Warrior Princess. 2. We thought A.J. Hawk was some sort of famous skateboarder. Apparently we're confused. 3. Brent Musberger is still al...
The Real Reason For Manny's Trade Demand
We've heard all the rumors too, and Red Sox blogger Sheriff Sully finally puts the cards on the table: One of the main reasons Manny Ramirez is seeking a trade from the Red Sox, say the rumors, because his wife wants him out of Boston because of "temptations of infidelity." Says the Sheriff Sully ...
Southeast Jerome In Heaven With Friends
OK, so as we showed you yesterday, Clinton Portis brought along some pals for his press conference yesterday. The conceit was that Southeast Jerome — who had been previously considered "lost" — had died and made it to heaven with all his friends. They included:...
Clinton Portis And His New Friends
We'll get into this more tomorrow ... but if you go to Redskins.com right now, you'll see that our man Clinton Portis has, uh, brought a few friends along for his weekly psychological exploration....
The Trophy Monstrosity
Via TrojanWire and Every Day Should Be Saturday, we present the trophy given to the winner of the Fiesta Bowl this year. That's really it. This isn't actual size, but oh, if it were....
Blogdom's Best: Hating The Red Wings
Imagine the most hateful sports fans you can think of, stuck indoors because of the frigid weather, allowing their fury to boil. Now give them large sticks. That's your typical NHL fan, just looking for a reason to hate the opposing team. Throw in that whole Canada-USA rivalry thing, and you've go...
"It's 20 Extra Bucks For A Happy Ending"
We run this unusually large photo of new Yankee center fielder/apparent masseuse Johnny Damon, recently shorn to play for the Bombers, because, well, because sometimes, Deadspin likes to pretend it's a snuff site....
Portis Now Getting Costume From Garage Sales
Just for the record, yesterday Redskins running back Clinton Portis wore a old leather football helmet, pigtails and Groucho Marx glasses. He called himself "Inspector Two Two." We have no idea what any of this means anymore. At this point, he's just cleaning out the neighbor's closet. In the fin...
Well, They're Handling This Well
In case you were wondering how Red Sox fans are dealing with Johnny Damon's exodus to the Yankees ......
Johnny Damon Is Still Gone
Just to be mean, the New York Post ran this photo illustration on its back page today, and we officially enter Day 2 of the Johnny Damon to the Yankees story: Acceptance. Red Sox fans are having trouble with the move, including one saying, "enjoy your corporate haircut, Johnny: You're dead to me."...
Johnny Damon, It's Shearing Time
See that? That's how Johnny Damon's gonna look from now on: Shaved, shorn and in pinstripes. We, for one, are relieved; this greatly decreases the possibility of Fever Pitch 2....
Fred Smoot Is Depressed
Well, here's a surprise: Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot has had a little different first year with the Vikings than he initially thought he would. (Not to be crude, but, uh, "holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women" is a phrase tha...
How 'Bout That Darrell Armstrong?!
We've always wondered what would happen if we ended up a semi-prominent public figure in, say, Chicago, or Iowa City, Iowa. As lifelong Cardinals and Illini boosters, it would be impossible for us to hide our loyalties; we couldn't pretend to root for the Cubs or the Hawkeyes even if our livelihoo...
The Vikings Meet The Seventh Floor Crew
Sometimes, someone comes up with a concept that's so perfectly in our sweet spot that we can merely stand up and salute, and that's really saying something, because we spend the whole day on our ass....
Clearing The 4 o'clock Table...
• Cleveland 9, Oakland 7. If you watched this one, you're a diehard Browns fan, a diehard Raiders fan, or a person with severe emotional problems, and I'm worried about you. Let's get you some help. • Bengals 41, Detroit 17. Even Chad Johnson knows that it's bad form to celebrate the mundane accom...
The Severe Beating of the Dallas Cowboys
The Redskins are beating the Cowboys in just about every possible way that a team can be beaten. You have to wonder how all of our lives would be different if more of the original cowboy vs. Native American matchups had gone this way in the early history of our nation....
Setting the 4 o'clock Table...
• Dallas @ Washington. I think you'll want to watch this one when you see your other two options below... • Cincinnati @ Detroit. Because someone needs to prove to Matt Millen that is is possible to resurrect a moribund franchise. • Cleveland @ Oakland. There are only 3 games at 4 o'clock today, whi...
Setting The 1 o'clock Table...
• San Diego @ Indianapolis. Today, they settle it once and for all: Manning or Leaf? • Pittsburgh @ Minnesota. It's too bad that Minnesota only plays once today, because Fred Smoot really prefers the doubleheader. Major playoff implications here. • Arizona @ Houston. Because Christmas is a time when...
Your Takes On The Sex Boat Wrapup
We love doing this site, but, to be honest, what we might love the most are you, the readers. Your comments are the highlights of our days, and not just because you're funnier than we are. We thought we'd take this opportunity to showcase our personal favorite slices of hilarity from today's earli...