red Page 373 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How Much Would You Pay To Read This Man?
Earlier this year, The New York Times caused some controversy when it switched much of its online columnists to its TimesSelect feature, forcing you to pay for certain columnists like Maureen Dowd and Frank Rich and so on. (You might not have noticed, because even though they put the sports column...
The Full Report On The Sex Boat
So, hey, anybody else actually dug into these whole Vikings criminal complaints, the ones The Smoking Gun grabbed? If you haven't yet, we suggest you do, because it's even more entertaining than you thought. But, we understand, you're very busy at work today. So allow us to help you out. We've dug...
Clinton Portis' Craziest Costume Yet
Other Clinton Portis costumes have been deep, terrifying glimpses into the most cavernous regions of his soul, a tiny peek at the scary child within, peering out into the world, hoping it's not raining anymore. But this, his most recent one, however, is the most horrifying at all: A monstrous look...
That's A Quarter Per Sweat Dollop
Far be it from us to tell collectors what is valuable and what isn't — we wouldn't trade our Willie McGee 1987 Topps card for the Shroud of Turin — but we have to say, we're pretty surprised by one of the top items on MLB.com right now....
Birds get their claws back
CAW. CAW. Or, you know, whatever kind of a frightening noise a cardinal might make......
An all-around ugly day for Texas
The black jerseys, the blowout against Duke... and it's probably not going to get better when Vince Young comes up short this evening. Sorry fellas. More poetry......
Bro Sweets Will Juice You Up
Clinton Portis was back yesterday with yet another fractured segment of his personality, this one somewhat sweeter than the past ones, literally even. We proudly introduce "Bro Sweets," Clinton's most recent tortured mental sliver....
Some Folks Call It A Slider, Mmm-Hmm
Imagine, say, Michael Brown getting another job in disaster relief, or, maybe, Harriet Miers being renominated to the Supreme Court. Pretty much the real-world equivalents of Grady Little being hired as manager of the Dodgers yesterday....
Gotta Support The Team
When we were a kid, we would always stay in the stadium hours after Illinois football games ended so we could watch the players and press meet by the tunnel to the locker rooms; something about balding paunchy men interviewing people 30 years their junior fascinated us even then. We never quite ha...
Portis Becomes Depressingly Self-Questioning
Ladies and gentleman, we present to you, after a one-week hiatus for Thanksgiving, Redskins running back Clinton Portis' newest creation: "Reverend Gonna Change," with those pretty crazy teeth and hair and the whole thing. On our scale, this ranks above "Dollah Bill" but behind "Dr. I-Don't-Know."...
Buy Manny's Apartment!
As speculation continues that Manny Ramirez will be long gone from Boston by the end of the season, it's now official that he's selling his condo at the primo Ritz Carlton Penthouse building....
Baseball Owners And Their Emoticons
In yet another example of how Red Sox fans are so frighteningly devoted that they can get the people who run their team to do anything, Red Sox owner John Henry showed up on Sons Of Sam Horn yesterday to respond to various fans' questions. Say what you will about the coldness of Red Sox management...
Polls: You Love You Some Sheriff
Well, the readers have spoken, and in yet another trouncing — we never have any close polls around here, which we suppose is our fault — your favorite Clinton Portis costume is Sheriff Gonna Getcha, with 38.1 percent of the vote. (We think it's the Led Zeppelin shirt; impossible to resist it.) Sec...
Seizure On Ice
Last evening's terrifying seizure incident involving Red Wings defenseman Jiri Fischer ended with an entire game being cancelled, CPR being given right there on the bench (you can see it in that picture, from the Detroit Free Press) and, ultimately, Fischer was described as "jovial" in the hospita...
Vote: Which Is The Best Portis Alter Ego?
For those of you who haven't been paying attention to the gradual, meticulous mental breakdown of Clinton Portis, the Redskins running back has been dressing up as a new "character" — and, Method-like, staying in character during interviews — for each media conference every Thursday. (It is to Por...
20 Years After Theismann And LT
WSJ's The Daily Fix alerted us to anniversary that, like just about everything does anymore, succeeded in making us feel old: Today is the 20th anniversary of Lawrence Taylor's brutal hit on Joe Theismann, breaking his leg and ending his career. (The Washington Post has a fantastic story about thi...
Clinton Portis. Clinton Portis. Say It With Us Now.
If it's Friday, it must be time to check in on the weird shit Clinton Portis came up with yesterday. We've documented Portis' antics extensively, and he did not disappoint yesterday with his new character: "Dollah Bill." This character's a little less inspired than "Dr. 'I Don't Know'" and "Sheri...
Theo Epstein Is STOKED, Dude!
We admire Theo Epstein as much as anyone — OK, maybe a little less — but secretly we've always kind of suspected that, for all the Yale and sabremetrics and what-not, he's pretty much just a big dumb likable Boston frat guy like pretty much everybody else our age we run into while out in Boston. (...
Clinton Portis Still Selling Crazy, Man
In case you thought Redskins running back Clinton Portis was becoming more sane as the weeks went by rather than less, you can relax. We proudly present his newest concoction: "Sheriff Gonna Getcha."...
Could Theo Be Returning?
All kinds of rumblings today about Theo Epstein potentially coming back as Red Sox GM, with the Boston Herald reporting that several Boston officials have been trying to talk him back into the job....