sgu Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Hater's Guide To March Madness
The NCAA Tournament is what you make of it. So is everything else, obviously, but while the tournament is objectively just what it is—a sloppy whirlwind fortnight of stressed-out teenagers just absolutely freaking the fuck out while playing the most important basketball games of their lives—it is al...
The 2018(ish) Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
[greets you at the door while wearing a frayed holiday sweater; offers you curdled egg nog]...
Former Marlins President David Samson Taunts Fleeced Taxpayers: "$1.2 Billion. Fuck You!"
Miami has arguably been hit harder by the pro sports stadium scam than any other city in America. When former Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria managed to get a publicly financed stadium built in 2012, he stuck Miami-Dade County with a stupefying bill that will eventually cost taxpayers $2.4 billion. Give...
A Note On Drew
Irredeemable Vikings fan and beloved voice of Deadspin Drew Magary has been moved to the injured reserve list after an accident last week. He is receiving the best possible care, is surrounded by his family and friends, and is doing well under the circumstances. We miss his randomly capitalized exub...
James Worthy Played Bass And The Minutemen's Mike Watt Has The Story To Prove It<em></em>
“Have you always been a basketball fan?” This is me, asking Mike Watt, one of my heroes, a pretty basic question. It is, if we’re being honest, a feeble softball, lobbed with all the force of an Andy Borowitz gag. This happened around noon, an hour earlier than we were supposed to begin our two-man ...
Let's All Be Really Wrong About The 2018 NFL Season
For all the things that there are to love about the NFL—idiotic and wholly unaccountable leadership, a profoundly malfunctioning moral compass, the new rules that no one even knows how to enforce, the whole Nathan Peterman Thing—the purest pleasure it offers is the chance to be wrong as hell about ...
Boston's Blake Swihart Embarrassed On Base Path By Blue Jays Trickery
The timing on this is very fun. Red Sox first baseman Blake Swihart singled in the bottom of the seventh inning Saturday, with one out and the the Red Sox down a run. Three pitches later, Sandy León skied a fly ball to left field, a harmless out that earned León’s disappointed body language. And tha...
Who Is That Mustachioed Man?
Why ... that can’t be Ichiro? The Mariners’ special assistant to the chairman is not an active player or coach or trainer, so by MLB rule, he’s not allowed in the dugout during games. The gentleman photographed above during the first inning of yesterday’s loss to the Yankees, therefore, must not be ...
Blue Jays Player Achieves The Dumbest RBI Single
Twins pitcher Lance Lynn, who’s gotten off to just a cosmically bad start to the season with an 8.37 ERA, had some unlucky shit happen to him in Monday’s 7-5 loss to the Blue Jays. Caught in a bases-loaded jam, Toronto infielder Lourdes Gurriel Jr. got away with this tiny little swinging-bunt RBI s...
NFL Says It Couldn't Confirm Whether Team Asked Prospect Derrius Guice If He Liked Men
After he attended the NFL combine, former LSU running back and draft prospect Derrius Guice said in a radio interview that a couple of teams had asked him some pretty invasive questions involving his sexuality and his mother. Today, the league said its investigation couldn’t determine that any team...
Now We Get To See If Kirk Cousins Is Really Worth A Shit<em></em>
So… Kirk Cousins. It is extremely difficult—impossible, even—to evaluate Kirk Cousins solely as a quarterback when, for the past six seasons, he has plied his trade in the middle of Dan Snyder’s never-ending diarrhea rodeo. He was drafted by Mike Shanahan in the fourth round as an insurance policy f...
COME TO MINNESOTA, DREW BREES!<em></em>
NFL free agency begins next week and the biggest name available will be quarterback Kirk Cousins, who is sure to command a blessed shitload of money from one of five horny suitors (Denver, Minnesota, Cleveland, Arizona, the Jets). HOWEVER, there’s a very good possibility that Cousins won’t even be t...
Will Cain Is An Idiot
Former LSU running back Derrius Guice said he was asked by one NFL team at last week’s combine whether he liked men, and asked by another team if his mother was a prostitute. There’s a question of whether that first one is even legal, but both are, by any measure—and as already admitted by the leagu...
Derrius Guice Says Teams Asked At NFL Combine<em></em> If He Liked Men, If His Mother Was A Prostitute
Former LSU running back Derrius Guice said that one team used last week’s NFL Combine to ask him if he liked men, with another asking if his mother was a prostitute. ...
The 2018 Hater’s Guide To The Oscars<em></em>
I was asleep last year when Warren Beatty, who last made a good movie before the advent of the steam engine, and Faye Dunaway botched the Best Picture announcement for Moonlight. I have very few regrets about this because I just watched it on YouTube the next day and because, if you go by the analyt...
Bill Simmons Is A Fucking Embarrassment<em></em>
Look man, I know Ley already posted about it earlier but for real, get a fucking load of this Bill Simmons column that dropped today. It’s a fucking disgrace. There have been so many awful Bill Simmons takes throughout history, including this one, this one, and this one. You could make a Hall of Fa...
A Bonus Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
Hello again. Earlier this week we all gathered round the wassail to roast the goofiest items in this year’s Williams-Sonoma catalog. HOWEVER, it was a really thick catalog this year, and there simply wasn’t enough room in print for EVERY ridiculous item featured. Especially the champagne saber. So, ...
The 2017 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog<em></em>
Oh! It’s you! My dearest, most refined holiday compatriot! My apologies, I didn’t see you were at the door....