that Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Everything That Should Die In 2018
It was a miserable year full of miserable things. Here is some stuff from 2017 that we hope stays in 2017....
What Is <i>Mother! </i>About?
Here’s a question: Should you go see Mother!, the new, polarizing, bearshit-insane film written and directed by Darren Aronofsky and starring Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem that everyone is talking about though apparently no one saw and the few who did see it had no idea what in God’s name was ...
How The Oakland A's' Two Jewish Players (And Reggie Jackson) Responded To The Munich Massacre
The following is excerpted from Dynastic, Bombastic, Fantastic: Reggie, Rollie, Catfish, and Charlie Finley’s Swingin’ A’s, by Jason Turbow. Follow along with a day-by-day account of the early ‘70s Athletics on Twitter @DynasticBook....
MLB Umpires Are Done With The Whole Wristband Deal
After untold, um, minutes of, hmm, some of their members, uh, wearing some wristbands, the World Umpires Association today ended their nearly day-long protest of “escalating verbal attacks” and will return to their regular attire, which in some cases might still include wristbands, I think....
This ESPN Fantasy Football Auction Segment Is ... Yikes
I don’t know if this tone-deaf fantasy football auction segment that ESPN2 aired yesterday, with its galling resemblance to a slave auction, means that nobody involved in its production saw or understood Get Out, or if they’ve never read a history book, or if they’re all just really dumb, nor do I k...
Idiots Hold Idiot Summit
This week, the public was treated to a rendition of one of Aesop’s lesser-known fables, The Troll, the Moron, and the Stooge. There was no real moral, just a reminder that a sizable portion of the internet consists of opportunists tugging on their own nuts and screeching when they feel they haven’t ...
JaVale McGee Provides Pick-Up Game Highlights And Statistics
During the summer, NBA players often post short, low-quality clips of themselves getting shots up or lifting weights in order to prove that there truly are no days off and that ball is indeed life. These dispatches are mostly self-serving, but you can’t help but appreciate the effort JaVale McGee ha...
White Sox Trade Ace José Quintana To—Oh Fucking Come On
The Chicago White Sox announced today that they have traded 28-year-old ace pitcher José Quintana to the fucking Chicago Cubs, who are basically worse than the St. Louis Cardinals at this point....
JaVale McGee Is Now A Guy With A Championship Ring
Before the Golden State Warriors signed him, JaVale McGee was a big joke. The 7-foot center had spent his career collecting alley-oops, losing track of his defensive assignments, and committing all manner of horrifying blunders. McGee played well enough for the Nuggets in one playoff series to earn ...
<i>Denver Post</i> Columnist Fired After Racist Tweet About Indy 500 Winner
A hail-mary apology couldn’t save former ESPN and, now, former Denver Post columnist Terry Frei after the seven-time state sportswriter of the year tweeted his disapproval of Japanese driver Takuma Sato winning yesterday’s Indy 500....
The Rock Is Totally Going To Run For President Against John Cena In 2024
This excerpt in Caity Weaver’s GQ profile of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson makes me believe that within a few years, he’ll at least run for office, if not president:...
Jerry Jones Is A Great Guy Until He Fires You
Jerry is really personable. I mean, you’ve got to like Jerry Jones. If you’re around him, you’ve got to like him, unless you hate the Dallas Cowboys, which some people do. But as a person, he’s likeable. He’s fun to be around. His whole family is working with the team. They are a great family. I’m p...
Desperate NFL Puts Shitty Thursday Night Games On Website Belonging To <i>Washington Post</i> Owner
Thursday Night Football, which features tired NFL teams playing in ugly jerseys, tried out an experiment last season and streamed 10 of its games on Twitter. I tried watching once and promptly saw Twitter’s wonderful “social” integration alert me that someone had scored a touchdown before I saw anyt...
Laundry Is The Worst Thing In The World
Years ago, a friend told me that sweeping is the worst possible chore. My God, she was wrong. I took a screencap of her being wrong and would show it to other people, and they would gaze at it and say, “My word, look at that person being wrong.” That’s how wrong it was. Everyone agrees laundry is ob...
Barcelona Pull Off Greatest Champions League Comeback In History, Beat PSG 6-1
This truly is one of the craziest things that has ever happened in sports....
What Would It Look Like, Hypothetically, If A Public Figure Were Suffering The Symptoms Of Dementia?
Ronald Reagan was 69 years old at his inauguration as president in 1981, the oldest anyone had ever been on taking the office—a record that Donald Trump recently beat when he was inaugurated at age 70. Beset by concerns about his advanced age from the beginning, Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s...
The Greatest Players In NHL History: Nos. 50-40
Hockey writers and podcasters Dave Lozo of Vice Sports, Sean “Down Goes Brown” McIndoe, and Greg Wyshynski of Puck Daddy have a new book called The 100 Greatest Players In NHL History (And Other Stuff): An Arbitrary Collection of Arbitrary Lists. They give their own ranking of the “NHL 100,” as well...