tide Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
No Rookie Has Ever Homered Like Aristides Aquino
The Reds outfielder with the cool nickname and the even cooler actual name was called up on Aug. 1 after the Reds shipped away Yasiel Puig, and he’s done nothing but hit dingers. Dinger after dinger after dinger. Here’s Monday night’s dinger:...
Reds' Aristides Aquino Broke The Cubs And Made Some History
Reds rookie Aristides Aquino decided to have his breakout game against the Cubs on Saturday with three home runs in his first three at-bats, and a new record of becoming the first rookie to smash a dinger in three consecutive innings....
Local Billboard Calls Tuscaloosa "Abortion Capital Of Alabama," Claims 19,000 Future Fans Have Been Aborted
An anti-abortion billboard was spotted in Tuscaloosa, Ala. on Friday that called the hometown of the University of Alabama the “abortion capital” of the state, and claimed that 19,000 future fans of the Crimson Tide have been aborted. A picture of the billboard was posted on Twitter, but the post th...
Here Are Some Other Potential Locations For MLB Games
On Thursday, the Yankees, White Sox, and MLB announced a partnership to play a regular-season game next year at—or, more precisely, near—the iconic Field of Dreams. This follows the recent trend of the league scheduling meaningful games in non-traditional places like Japan, Mexico, and London....
Here Are Some Potential Locations For FIFA's New Headquarters
According to a report from the New York Times, soccer federation and bribe repository FIFA is considering moving away from its longtime headquarters in Switzerland and setting up shop elsewhere. The Times speculates that potential host countries could potentially engage in an Amazon-style competitio...
Coach Who Once Ditched Job During Season Frets About College Football Player Transfers
Alabama football coach Nick Saban thinks “the spirit” of college football’s transfer portal “in and of itself is a positive thing for players.” But let’s not get carried away: Lest anyone think he’s completely on board with the idea of players having the sort of agency that, say, coaches do, Saban t...
Hear Me Out: Infinite-Field Baseball Games
A few weeks ago, I was reading this interview with architectural critic Paul Goldberger about baseball stadiums in America when I stumbled upon a reminder from Goldberger that doubles as a breathtaking conversation piece for stoners all across the land:...
The Royal Shrovetide Football Game Is A Very Dumb, Very English, And Very Good Sport
For centuries, the citizens of Ashbourne, England have annually contested the Royal Shrovetide Football match, a sprawling, chaotic wrestling match masquerading as a soccer game. The thicket of ruddy blokes you see up top there are members of two teams: the Down’ards and the Up’ards, thus named for ...
Report: Nick Saban Had No Clue His Assistant Left For A New Job
Nick Saban treats nearly everyone in his life with maximum contempt at all times. His own fans, the media, the college football playoff scheduling committee—everyone is a target for the Alabama head coach when he’s in a pissy mood, which is about 99 percent of the time. Saban rules by fear, and that...
What The Hell Was Nick Saban Thinking With That Fake Field Goal?
After spotting Clemson a 15-point lead at the half, Alabama slowly moved the ball down the field on their first possession of the third quarter, taking 12 plays to get to a pivotal fourth-and-6 from the Clemson 22. Bama’s kicker had doinked an extra point in the first half, so Nick Saban faced the d...
Clemson Tigers Roll Tide Up In An Area Rug And Dump Them In A River
Well, that was an ass-whupping. Clemson scored first and kept scoring, and Alabama shot their own butts off, and when it was over—roughly three minutes into the fourth quarter—the Tigers had secured a 44–16 victory over Alabama and definitively replaced them as college football’s preeminent powerhou...
Alabama Doinks Kicks Because Nick Saban Is A Weirdo
Alabama opened the second half of tonight’s national championship game down 15 points to Clemson. It should’ve been 14 points, but kicker Joseph Bulovas missed the extra point after Alabama’s second touchdown, and Clemson has had the lead ever since....
Tua Tagovailoa Throws Two Touchdowns To Two Teams In First Three Minutes Of National Championship Game
Tonight’s national championship game got off to a hot start—or, anyway, it got off to a hot start after Clemson ran through a jittery three-and-out on the game’s opening possession. Following Clemson’s punt, two quick rhythm completions had Alabama in business near midfield, but Tua Tagovailoa teleg...
Alabama Did What Alabama Does To Oklahoma
In Saturday’s first 17 minutes of game time, Alabama reeled off 28 straight points to knock down Oklahoma before anyone at the Orange Bowl had a chance to buy a second beer. That early lead proved to be the cushion Alabama needed to coast to an easy, if not entirely calm, victory in Miami. The final...
Alabama Football Player Stops Himself From Saying Something Interesting About Kyler Murray
When asked a question about Heisman Trophy winner and Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray, Alabama defensive lineman Quinnen Williams almost gave an honest answer in advance of Saturday night’s Orange Bowl....
Tua Tagovailoa Admits In Tone-Deaf <i>College Gameday</i> Segment That<em></em> His Dad Would Beat Him With A Belt After Bad PerformancesÂ
ESPN aired a segment on College Gameday that focused on Heisman-favorite Tua Tagovailoa. The video began as a celebration of the Alabama quarterback’s cultural roots in Hawaii and his family, with images of the state’s beaches and the word “ohana” flashing across the screen. But the profile quickly ...
Alabama Gives Up First November Touchdown To The Citadel
Alabama’s defense has been quite good this month. Both Mississippi State and LSU laid up big fat goose eggs against the Crimson Tide, despite both teams being worthy of top-25 rankings. But The Citadel Bulldogs, a non-conference visiting opponent, had no issue breaking that scoreless trend against t...
ESPN Apologizes To SEC Commissioner For James Carville Spouting Alabama Conspiracy TheoriesÂ
ESPN issued an on-air apology to SEC commissioner Greg Sankey for comments that political analyst James Carville made during his appearance on College Gameday about the conference being inherently biased towards No. 1 Alabama....
A Truly Brilliant Solution To The Problem Of People Wearing Non-Spooky Halloween Costumes
Recently my wife told me I would enjoy meeting a friend of hers, who she described as “a big Halloween person.” When I asked what made this friend a big Halloween person, she told me this friend made her own superhero Halloween costume from scratch this year. And I, a punctilious dickweed, skipped r...
Nick Saban Is Very Angry At Alabama Fans For Not Attending Guaranteed Win Against Garbage Opponent
Alabama beat the shit out of the Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana-Lafayette on Saturday. By the end of the first quarter the Crimson Tide had a 28-point lead; by the end of the half it was 49. Louisiana scored a couple of touchdowns in the fourth quarter, but by that time they were already down 56 points....