too Page 26 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night
What you missed while at a stop sign ... • NBA: LeBron makes two key baskets against Celtics. Unfortunately, he missed his other 16 shots. Boston 76, Cleveland 72. • MLB: Diamondbacks' Randy Johnson somehow gets all of his surgically enhanced body parts to work in unision to earn 6-4 win over Philli...
We Won't Even Talk About The Pirate Ship On His Ass
All we really know about Mr. John Herold here is that he was arrested for trespassing on Feb. 1, 2008, somewhere in Florida. Now, seeing that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' season ended on Jan. 6, we have to assume that those are permanent tattoos, right? Must have seemed like a good idea at the time. Su...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while looking over unfortunate headlines......
Vacations Make Us Antsy; Back To Work
After five days and four nights in what is literally the most beautiful place we have ever visited, one would think returning to the stunning glamor of the Abe Stark Sports Center would be a comedown. But, frankly, we're glad to be back, and not just because the time off verified our nagging fear th...
Happy Leap Day, Everyone!
So does today actually exist or not? After watching Lost last night, I'm more confused than ever ... and this article is no help. Anyway, on the off chance that today really does exist, I'll be posting a full day's worth of sports outtakes, bloopers and practical jokes. Will is still on vacation, so...
'Oh Why Didn't I Just Get A Jamba Juice Instead?'
Ah, Victor Thompson. Poor dumb sap. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there; tattoos are permanent, but football winning streaks are not. Sure, it was all fun and games when he decided to get the Patriots logo etched into both sides of his skull earlier this season. What could possibly go wro...
About Last Night
What you missed while pondering issues much more important than football ... • Super Bowl: New England Patriots win as expected. Brady named MVP; everyone's predictions turn out to be true. I see absolutely no way that writing this on Sunday morning can turn out to be a bad idea. • Super Bowl: It's ...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning for its wittiest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Jenny Hendrix Loves Jags, Anal
The Jacksonville Jaguars have stormed into the playoffs with a bandwagon that has quickly filled near capacity. Well now they've got something even better going for them. When the Jags take on the Pittsburgh Steelers in the second game of today's wild card double header they'll have a porn star in t...
Knicks Take Brief 2nd Quarter Lead, Lose
On a team loaded with horrendous contracts Jared Jeffries is often overlooked. Last night the man who signed for $30 million over five years put up a line of zero points, one assist, and two big rebounds against San Antonio. But hey, when you play 16 minutes and only attempt one shot it probably mea...
The Chinese Are Quite Mad, You Know
So this is the country that will supposedly be the world's major superpower in 20 years? I have my doubts, considering that this guy covered himself with Chinese Olympic tattoos and didn't allow for any space for advertising. Oh wait, I think I see an ad for Frank TV. Never mind....
This Tattoo Should Cause No Problems Whatsoever
Know how I know your team is gay? It's, um, tattooed right on your arm there. Let this be a lesson to you kids: Beer, Aussie Rules football and Thai tattoo parlors generally don't mix. That's always been my motto, anyway....
Just Another 16-Hour Workday For Herbie
I may have been the last person to notice that ESPN College GameDay dreamboat staple Kirk Herbstreit has also been in the booth for that night's ABC prime-time football game. Oftentimes, those two locales are in different areas. But I think yesterday's cross-country trek had to be one a logistical n...
One Way To Give The QB Happy Feet
When you're in high school, pranks are pretty much the only thing worth doing, save for maybe masturbation. And when you can combine that with football rivalries, you've got a recipe for happiness. Until the cops come....