uri Page 179 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Wheels Of Justice Grind Slowly For Clarett
The Maurice Clarett story, with its deep debts and Israel mobs and Grey Goose, has almost become too sad for us to take much joy in goofing on it anymore, though we're still always going to be a little tickled by the fact that he had a hatchet....
When Babelfish Goes Bad
The country is Wales. The subject is bicycle safety; something we can all agree, probably, is very important. The sign is meant to warn riders that there is construction ahead, and they should walk their bikes. Problem is, the sign is also translated into Welsh. And the Welsh words, translated to En...
Clarett Story Continues To Take Scary Turns
Say what you will about the kids at Bristol, but they continue to move the needle on all matters Maurice Clarett, at least. The network learned yesterday that Clarett, who has had a rough couple of weeks, was in deep to the Israeli mob, and that might have been the reason he was, you know, carrying ...
Somebody Please Stop Jim Terry. Soon.
You might think this (CURRENTLY ON SALE!) T-shirt would be the work of a prankster on CafePress, the type of guy who does stupid knockoff T-shirts any one's whim....
Judge Makes The Bold Move Of Questioning Maurice Clarett's Mental Health
The latest news in the Maurice Clarett situation isn't that he's being required to undergo a mental health evaluation. The news is that he doesn't think he needs one. When the judge ordered the evaluation, Clarett scoffed at him. He was later quoted as saying, "I clearly understand everything, and...
Fictional League Somehow More Fictional Now
Now that the whole Maurice Clarett business has veered into Greek tragedy story with Tom Friend's breathtaking ESPN story, we turn our focus to the part of his story it's easy to make fun of: His "upcoming" stint with the Mahoning Valley Hitmen of the Eastern Indoor Football League, a league that ...
The Last Clarett Update
Probably time for one final update on our man Maurice Clarett, who has gotten himself in so much trouble that we're actually worried about him. And not just because we're afraid he'd shoot us....
This Could End Up Affecting The Eastern Indoor Football League Opener
It's almost no fun to point out Maurice Clarett's foibles anymore. But when cops pull him over with a bunch of loaded guns and a hatchet in the car, it's probably worth mentioning....
Horseshoes Should Be Outlawed
"Man's Buttocks Impaled By Horseshoe Stake" is not the sort of headline that you ever want to see. Well, unless you're a gay man, and your given name is "Horseshoe Stake." But I think that's the case for less than 10% of you. Because I don't think I'm capable of putting it into my own words withou...
Maurice Clarett, Handling Himself Just Fine, Yep
We thought we might check in and see how our old friend Maurice Clarett is doing, now that he has fired his lawyers just two weeks before his trial. Well, he has some new lawyers, and they have exactly a fortnight to, you know, find out what the hell the case is about....
Someone Could Really Use Matlock Around Right Now
We don't mean to imply that matters have gotten as bad as they possibly could get for Maurice Clarett just two weeks before his robbery trial ... but they're as bad as they could possibly get....
Maurice Clarett's Imaginary League
So we've been mulling over this Maurice Clarett playing indoor football story, and we're really kind of amazed. First off, it's important to point out that this is not the Arena Football League; that league has been around for 20 years and even though it just lost its NBC contract, it seems likely...
Maurice Drew Doesn't Hate Your Nerd Ass That Much After All
If case you didn't remember, former UCLA running back (and now Jacksonville Jaguars rookie) Maurice Drew had been implicated in the Los Angeles Denny's incident in which Bears safety Ricky Manning and pals beat up a guy for using a laptop. (We're sure this happens to Cuban all the time.)...
Maurice Drew Hates Your Nerd Ass Too
We received this photo of former-UCLA, now-Jacksonville running back Maurice Drew a while back, and we decided not to run it, mainly because it's hard to blame a guy when someone decides to take a picture of a guy holding a blunt next to him while sleeping. Besides, that fellow looks like a really f...
Mike Anderson Will Vanquish All Foes
Over the weekend, the Missouri Tigers, hoping to finally rid themselves of the horror that was Quin Snyder, hired Mike Anderson, the former head coach at UAB, to take over their head spot....
Billy Packer, Meet the MVC
The Missouri Valley Conference put their 2nd team into the Sweet 16 this afternoon when Bradley beat Pitt. Maybe now, as long as they're not on opposite of Duke, Billy Packer can find time to sit down and watch them....
You WILL Respect The Valley
As more than a few of you have noticed, the Missouri Valley Conference represtend itself quite well yesterday. And I'll be honest with you... as I watched on Thursday and Friday, any time Northern Iowa, Wichita State or Bradley made a play, I was picturing Billy Packer shaking his head in disgust ...
Missouri State Bears
1. This Is The Best Missouri State Team In History. This is sort of like saying that my pet snake is my best friend even though he's my only friend, but still. The school changed its name from Southwest Missouri State following last year s centennial celebration. So technically this is the best team...
Poll Results: Super-Size New Mexico!
You have spoken, dear readers, and it's perhaps little surprise that you'd be most afraid to run into Marcus "New Mexico" Vick at your local McDonald's. You know what's cool, though? He has a THUG LIFE tattoo across his McRib....
Poll: Whom Do You Least Want To Run Into At McDonald's?
We still haven't quite come to terms with the bat-shit crazy weirdness of Marcus "New Mexico" Vick whipping out a gun at McDonald's the day after he declared for the NFL Draft, but it did get us to thinking: We haven't been to McDonald's for a long, long time. At first, we thought it was because w...