v Page 3544 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Made A Mistake? Hey ... We'll Help With Katrina!
NASCAR just announced that the helmet racer Robby Gordon threw at Michael Waltrip's car last weekend — apparently Waltrip crashed his car or something — will be auctioned off to benefit victims of Hurricane Katrina. Of all the self-involved attempts by athlete to pump up the Q rating by pretending...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as all your friends are our rocking, and, sadly, you realize that you are not... • MLB: Orioles at Yankees. "Aaron Small, Big Stein is counting on you. Costanza! Where's my calzone?" [YES Network] • MLB: Red Sox at Devil Rays. Boston a half-game ahead of Yankees — time for Schilling to...
Leftovers: Gumball Rally
• NASCAR hands out road rage fines, with option to go to traffic school. [Diecast Dude] • Patriots' Belichick goes completely nuts and demands video cameras everywhere. [AP] • Turns out soccer is boring — who knew? (Sorry.) Chelsea dragging down Premier League ticket sales. [Scotsman] • He waited an...
Donovan McNabb, White Quarterback
We're not Professional Sports Columnists, but we'd have to say, just to keep our noses clean, the last thing we'd mention when discussing Eagles QB Donovan McNabb would be race. We'd mention his hairline, his goatee, even his ridiculous commercials, but race? That's OK, thanks, we'll be over here ...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 1 p.m. MLB with Steve Phillips: OK, seriously, the Mets front office is missing about 17 staplers. What in the world could you be doing with them? • 1:30 p.m. Louisville DE Elvis Dumervil: We somehow doubt that you're going to make it ...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as your old high school gym teacher shows up on your porch and demands pushups ... • MNF: Saints at Giants. The hurricane just may have saved Jim Haslett's job. So that's something, anyway. [ABC] • MNF: Redskins at Cowboys. Stop by Jerry Jones' skybox and compliment him on his facelift...
Dead. Man. Walking.
We're watching Vikings coach Mike Tice on ESPN News right now, and it's making us sad. He started his press conference swaying back and forth, like a kid in desperate need of Ritalin, and in the next sentence, he compared his players to sailors vomiting off the side of a ship and called himself a ...
Leftovers: Don't Mess With Texas
• Texans fire offensive coordinator Chris Palmer. Yeah, that'll turn the tide.* [KSPN • K State RB Thomas Clayton knocks over a couple of guys and speeds to daylight — in a car. [Tony's Kansas City] • Ronaldinho selected world player of the year. There'll be dancing in the streets of Rio tonight! Um...
Laveranues Coles: Stepping Stone To A Gay Athlete?
Is Laveranues Coles' admission that he was sexually abused by his stepfather the equivalent of a professional athlete coming out of the closet as a gay man? We wouldn't think so, but OutSports' Cyd Zeigler Jr. says they're more similar than you think....
On The DL: That Drunk, Impregnating Farnsworth
It's time for installment No. 2 of our three-part series revealing the athletes behind some of On The DL's blind-items. Last week, we found out that the ladies say Cubs second baseman Todd Walker loves to flash his wedding ring at strip clubs. Today's blind item: I'm Ok, I sWaRe...:...
Blogdome: PBR Me ASAP
• How can you not root for a golfer who wears a Pabst Blue Ribbon hat? [The Mighty MJD • Page 2 is beginning to make us cry. [Off Wing Opinion] • A tribute to Reggie White that, mercifully, doesn't include blatant homophobic rants. [Black Athlete] • The St. Louis Rams: The most dysfunctional franchi...
Jose Canseco, Professional Wrestler (Of Course)
We're not even going to pretend to be surprised here: Jose Canseco is rumored to making an appearance at Wrestlemania this spring. Perhaps it is telling that the people who are most concerned about this development are not baseball fans, but wrestling fans. Seems like the WWE — remember, that's wh...
NFL Roundup: Daunte's Blues
• If you somehow were able to make an emotionless, painless robot clone of Bea Arthur, and you pounded that clone in the face with a polo mallet for 25 minutes, then slammed that head in a car door 15 times, then severed the head with an exceptionally long and sharp toenail, then put the head in a...
Week In Deadspin: We All Wear Masks
• Ed Hochuli ... JACKED UP! • Baseball players need motivational posters too. • John Marvel did not shoot pepper spray on you in a parking lot, so stop asking. • Tom Brady tried to get it on with an Olsen twin. That's awesome. • We repeat: Bill Simmons got his first boner from Cheryl Ladd. We just...
Leftovers: Take This Job And Shove It
• There is nothing more dangerous than an angry man in compression shorts: Lance Armstrong re-retires. [Instant Punditry] • Kim Clijsters' coach quits, perhaps in a huff, we're not sure. [tennisace] • Fantasy Prison Camp: Former Braves pitcher sent to the Gray Bar Hotel. [Atlanta Journal-Constitutio...
The Return Of Little Mac
Mad propers to The Mighty MJD, who came across a short film we'll be watching all day: "The Return Of Little Mac, a dramatic rendition of what the "Mike Tyson's Punch Out" hero might be up to these days. Tortured by visions of Bald Bull, haunted by his lone victory over Mike Tyson, sitting in a ba...
There Are Fake People On Page 2, And They're In College
Uh, we're just going to go under the assumption that Jim Caple's "serialized novel" 24 College Avenue is the setup to a joke, and the "three times a week throughout the school year" is the punchline. You know, the kind of inappropriate joke that a boorish friend tells too loudly at a dinner party...
Jon Bon Jovi And Bud Selig Bring The Rock
Now, we know Bon Jovi hasn't exactly ever been, oh, underground, we guess, but on the list of Things We Imagine Rock Stars Doing That Are Debaucherous, Involve Leather Pants And Mostly Out Of Our Frame Of Reference, pre-releasing your album on MLB.com with an extra track for MLB.com customers wou...
Leftovers: But Is It Art?
• Sculptor makes shrine to Ted Williams' head. [MSN Sports Filter] • ChiSox manager Ozzie Guillen tactfully implies that one of his pitchers may be a lousy goldbricking faker. [ChiSox Rants] • Thanks for almost playing: Falcons' Kevin Mathis now out for the season. [Our Turn Next] • Help out a Patri...
The Return Of Calvinball
Inspired by a recent post at Bleed Cubbie Blue — essentially comparing last night's Cubs game to "Calvinball" — we got to thinking about "Calvin and Hobbes, specifically "Calvinball." This item may be wholly inappropriate, off-topic, apropos of nothing ... but we don't care. It's about something p...