vt Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your New Year’s Day Bowlkakke
Wake up, shitheads! Time for you to get up, swallow 15 Advil, put your pants back on, and stagger home like the dirty, filthy people you are. Here are the bowl games you’ll need to nurse that hangover…...
To Watch Tonight
Watch to watch while find your own damn TV listings ......
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What to watch while you enjoy a tasty vending machine pizza ......
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What to watch while you deal with your shortcomings ......
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What to watch while you try to save your best friend after he gets hit by a car ......
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What to watch while you look for your teeth after getting run over by a bullet train ......
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What to watch while you find an excuse to drink alcohol for breakfast ......
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while you get the early jump on the crowds at Sears ... • College Basketball: Boston College Eagles vs. Purdue Boilermakers (7:00 p.m., ET) What's a Harvey Wallbanger? [ESPN2] • NBA: Orlando Magic at Philadelphia 76ers (7:30 p.m., ET) Get along, 76ers. [ESPN] • Movie: "The 40-Year-Old ...
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What to watch while you forget about leading cops on that high speed pursuit ... • College Basketball: Texas Longhorns vs. Notre Dame Fighting Irish (7:00 p.m. ET) They don't seem that "fighting" to me. [ESPN] • College Football: Western Michigan Broncos vs. Ball State Cardinals (7:00 p.m. ET) A win...
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What to watch while you shop for toys that won't murder your children ... • College Basketball: Syracuse Orangemen vs. Florida Gators (7:30 p.m., ET) So much orange. [ESPN2] • NFL: Monday Night Football: Green Bay Packers vs. New Orleans Saints (8:30 p.m., ET). Open up a window and let in the Brees....
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What to watch while you take the turducken to glorious new heights ... • College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic Final: Michigan vs. Duke (7:00 p.m., ET) What's not to like? [ESPN2] • NBA: Houston Rockets at Washington Wizards (7:00 p.m., ET) Wax Arenas should be good 15 and 5. [ESPN] • Colle...
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What to watch while you just admit what a gigantic nerd you are ... • College Basketball: Coaches vs. Cancer Classic: Southern Illinois vs. Duke Blue Devils (7:00 p.m., ET) Salukies, Dukies. Dukies, Salukies [ESPN2] • College Football: Miami Hurricanes vs. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (7:30 p.m., ET)...
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What to watch while you try to avoid being robbed by pirates ... • College Football: Ball State Cardinals at Central Michigan Chippewas (7:00 p.m., ET) I guess Birds and Chips are okay, too. [ESPN2] • NBA: Dallas Mavericks at Houston Rockets (8:00 p.m., ET) I might have some inside info on this game...
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What to watch while you lie awake during your stomach surgery ... • NCAA Men: Richmond Spiders vs. Syracuse Orangemen (6:00 p.m., ET) Have you ever seen a spider eat an orange? [ESPN] • NHL: Minnesota Wild at Pittsburgh Penquins (7:00 p.m., ET) Is this some sort of ice basketball? [Versus] • NCAA Me...
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What to watch while you get hammered with your parents in Wisconsin ... • NCAA Men: Preseason NIT: Eastern Michigan at Purdue Boilermakers (7:00 p.m., ET) I could a use a boilermaker myself right now. [ESPN2] • NHL: Boston Bruins at Toronto Maple Leafs (7:30 p.m., ET) Did you know that Maple Leafs d...
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What to watch while you pray to your deity that the sticky stuff in the book you got from the library is just glue ... • Classic boxing: Panzienza-Haugen 1990, 7pm [ESPN2] • Racing: NHRA Powerade Drag Racing Series final eliminations, 7pm [ESPN2] • NFL: Dallas at Washington, 8:15pm, [NBC] • Reality:...
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What to watch while God continually punishes California for voting against gay marriage ... • College Football: Southern California vs. Stanford, 7pm [Versus] • College Football: Mississippi State at Alabama, 7:45pm [ESPN] • Movie: The Godfather, 8pm [AMC] • NBA: Indiana at Chicago, 8:30pm [WGN] • M...
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What to watch while you seethe with anger all weekend over this crap ... • College Football: Cincinnati Bearcats at Lousiville Cardinals (8:00 p.m., ET) How can something be a bear and a cat? [ESPN2] • NBA: Doubleheader: Denver Nuggets at Boston Celtics (8:00 p.m., ET)/Detroit Pistons at Los Angeles...
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What to watch while you fail your interview at the White House ... • College Football: Virginia Tech Hokies at Miami Hurricanes (7:30 p.m., ET) Something's gotta give. It might be my La-Z-Boy. [ESPN] • MLS: East Conference Final: Chicago Fire at Columbus Crew (7:30 p.m., ET) Oh, I just bought a new ...
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What to watch while you move on with your life after politics ... • College Football: Central Michigan Chippewas at Northern Illinois Huskies (8:00 p.m., ET) Fire up, Chips! [ESPN2] • NBA: Doubleheader: Portland Trail Blazers at Miami Heat (8:00 p.m., ET); Houston Rockets at Phoenix Suns (10:30 p.m....