zen Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hulk Can Score Rocket Goals With Either Foot
Hulk hammered home a long-range rocket today against PSV in Europa League action, and while we've featured plenty of the Zenit St. Petersburg striker's heroics around here, we'd like to note that today's feat came off his right, and supposedly weaker, foot. ...
5 Minutes Of South Carolina Newscast Wasted Reporting Fake Disney News
Charleston, S.C. ABC affiliate WCIV threw the premise of reporting actual news out the window during last night's 6 p.m. newscast, instead turning the program over to a fictional Disney character....
<i>The Running Man</i>'s Goofy, Violent Dystopia Hasn't Arrived Yet, Alas
Right around New Year's Day, I saw a bit of online chatter pointing out that we were entering the year depicted in Back to the Future II, and that to our great disappointment, we still don't have hoverboards or '80s-themed diners. Tragic as that may be, I'm more concerned that we're now only two yea...
Wait, Jesus Christ, There's A Different Ball Scandal? What The Fuck?
Have you been following the latest developments in the investigation into the use of shady balls during the AFC Championship? Probably not, because you're normal and football's over and it's all so confusing. But listen a second: this new stuff is weird....
The Miseducation Of Deion Sanders
Deion Sanders knows better than most that there's power in a nickname. When he was still just a skinny cornerback at Florida State University, he dubbed himself "Prime Time" and birthed an alter ego that would earn him fame, riches, and a place in the pantheon of the 20th century's greatest athlet...
<em>Total Recall</em> Was Fucking Awesome
During the first scene of the original 1990 Total Recall, Arnold Schwarzenegger's head explodes. It's just a dream sequence, and the camera cuts away before his face actually pops open. But the fact remains: One of the biggest summer blockbusters of its era opens by forcing you to contemplate the mo...
Edward Snowden, Before The Storm: <em>Citizenfour</em>, Reviewed
Movies are lots of things, but "important" isn't one of them. It's not that they can't be meaningful and life-changing, but when a critic's praise tries to go beyond that, it raises red flags for me....
How Hulk Became The World's Most Underappreciated Superstar
If there's one good thing about the handful of great players plying their trade in Russia—and it would be the only good thing, mind you—it's that their home Champions League ties often start a few hours before the rest. That timeslot gives their abilities at least a modicum of the attention they des...
Slightly Creepy Bart Simpson Joins Russian Soccer Club
In some kind of convoluted branding exercise, Russian soccer club Zenit St. Petersburg introduced a slightly off Bart Simpson as its new player today. Synergy!...
Enormous Jared Lorenzen Poses With Enormous Kentucky Lineman
Jared Lorenzen is doing fine, in case you were wondering. He posted a photo of himself with Matt Elam, the behemoth of a freshman defensive lineman for Kentucky. The man who was a professional quarterback roughly seven months ago is on the left....
Police: Driver In Philip Lutzenkirchen Crash Was Drunk
Police have released blood toxicology reports from the car crash that killed former Auburn tight end Philip Lutzenkirchen and former Georgia baseball player Jordan Ian Davis, and both of the men were drunk....
Philip Lutzenkirchen's Sister's Letter Will Break Your Heart
Three days after former Auburn football player Philip Lutzenkirchen died in an auto accident, his younger sister Abby published a letter remembering her brother. It's well written and so sad....
Former Auburn Player Philip Lutzenkirchen Dies In Car Accident
Former Auburn tight end Philip Lutzenkirchen has reportedly died in an auto accident early Sunday morning. He was 23....
Philly Vendor Catches Foul Ball In Beer Bucket On His Head
A beer vendor at Citizens Bank Park earned a spot on the highlight reel when he caught Carlos Ruiz's foul ball in the bucket of brews on his head....
Hooligan Invades Pitch, Throws Pathetic Punch At Player
After a game between Zenit St. Petersburg and Dinamo Moscow, a Zenit fan rushed the field and attempted to sucker punch Dinamo defender Vladimir Granat. He didn't really succeed....
Minnesota Wins Frozen Four Semifinal With Buzzer-Beating Goal
While this year's NCAA basketball tournament left us mostly in want of buzzer-beaters, the NCAA hockey Frozen Four delivered as Minnesota's Justin Holl scored a shorthanded buzzer-beater past North Dakota goalie Zane Gothberg and delivered the Golden Gophers into the national championship game....
Zenit Player's Face Was A River Of Blood After Getting Kneed In Head
Unlike Antonio Valencia yesterday, Zenit's Tomas Hubocan was looking more Jake LaMotta than Rocky after Robert Lewandowski opened a vein with an unfortunately well-timed knee to the side of the head. Soccer is a blood sport....
Gigantic QB Jared Lorenzen Hurts Ankle, Is Carried Off By Four People
Jared Lorenzen, the former backup quarterback for the New York Giants who won our hearts as a breakout 320-lb. indoor football sensation, was injured today during the Northern Kentucky River Monsters' game against the Erie Explosion while running towards the end zone....
Jared Lorenzen, At 320 Pounds, Is Still Playing Quarterback
Holy shit! That, on the right there, is present-day Jared Lorenzen, formerly of Kentucky Wildcat and New York Giant fame. He was best known as Eli Manning's dump truck of a backup. Now he's a dump truck of a nose tackle, playing quarterback....