zen Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Trying To Do A Cannonball Into A Frozen Swimming Pool Is Not A Good Idea
That didn't stop this guy in Germany from giving it his best shot. "Fuck the fucking cold," he said, just before taking the, uh, plunge. The cold won....
Your <em>Expendables 2</em> Power Rankings
The Expendables 2 has 11 names on its poster only because there is not room, either in poster space or running time, for 47. It is New Years Eve with testicles. It is the turducken of action movies. Rather than review the film, I thought I'd just rank those 11 names, in ascending order of Expendable...
Phillies' Sellout Streak, Which Was Fake Anyway, Ends At 257 Games
Last night, an announced crowd of 41,665 showed up to Citizen Bank Park to watch the listless Phillies put up a token effort against Atlanta, a 6-1 loss that put them 14 games out of a wild card spot. It was the smallest crowd of the year, and the first time since July 2009 the Phillies failed to se...
<em>Total Recall</em> Is a Lot Dumber Than You Remember
The remake of Total Recall — which features Colin Farrell as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kate Beckinsale as Sharon Stone, Jessica Biel as Rachel Ticotin and Bryan Cranston as "Cohaagen give these people some air!" — opens a week from today. The original Total Recall came out in 1990, right on the edge of...
After 38 Studios Goes Broke, Bank Sues Curt Schilling
Immediately after Rhode Island extended the beleaguered 38 Studios a $75 million dollar loan, Curt Schilling's company took out a $2 million letter of credit from Citizens Bank as the security deposit on their Providence offices. Well, that's all gone now. 38 Studios is bankrupt, the office is close...
Who Loves You And Who Do You Love? Richard Dawson, Fantastic '80s Movie Villain
If you were to rank the movies I have seen more than any others in my life, you wouldn't find many classics on there, no Kurosawa, no Kubrick, no Billy Wilder. (Though Some Like It Hot might come close.) The movies I have seen repeatedly are the ones I saw because they were my only options; they wer...
Once Again Northwestern Wins Nth Women's Lacrosse Title in N+1 Years
The women's lacrosse team from Northwestern University out-lacrossed the women's lacrosse team from Syracuse University on Sunday to win the program's seventh national title in eight years, a laudable feat of consistent ass-kicking that becomes all the more impressive when you consider the key word ...
Today In Unfortunate Newspaper Typos: "Series Shits To Boston"
Most of our favorite newspaper errors are due to dummy text, the practice of typing in a bunch of gibberish to see how it'll look in the space allotted. They're funny, but they also require a complex series of missteps. That's why this unfortunate mistake, from Saturday's Register Citizen in Northwe...
The Phillies Had Extra Security In Right Field For Bryce Harper Last Night
Bryce Harper's main crime, since arriving in the big leagues, was his haircut, which was the most offensive thing not attached to a reliever's chin. Now that the haircut's gone, Harper's just a young, captivating, toolsy outfielder. Who should hate him?...
Bartolo Colon Is Getting People Out
Have you seen Bartolo Colon pitch? He is worth seeing. Last year, it was amusing to watch the portly ex-Cy Young winner's return to adequacy, in his late 30s, after missing an entire season. It was a funny little joke about the vagaries of sports, or of life....
They Tear Down Goalposts In Soccer, Too
Zenit St. Petersburg supporters went nuts after their team beat rivals Dynamo Moscow 2-1 Saturday to clinch a repeat Russian Premiership title, a victory gained despite being down a man for most of the second half. The thrill of victory led to the agony of jail for a handful of fans whose revelry g...
Today In Jose Canseco Tweets As Motivational Posters: The Duality Of Life
This is a feature wherein we celebrate Jose Canseco by creating motivational posters out of his actual tweets. We believe it is in this context that the world can best appreciate our favorite Bash Brother....
Hockey's Frozen Four In Tampa: Where America Came To Thaw Out Its Frigid Heart (And Wear Shorts Outside)
TAMPA—Sometime around midnight after the Frozen Four final, I found myself a few blocks away from the Tampa Times Forum, jumpstarting a former Ferris State player's car under the distant watchful gaze of a hockey writer who was afraid I was going to be beaten or murdered. ...
TV People Have Mispronounced Louis Oosthuizen's Name At Least 20 Different Ways In The Past 24 Hours
Bubba Watson's sudden-death Masters win yesterday over Louis Oosthuizen and the albatross Oosthuizen hit early in the Sunday round have placed television anchors and reporters in the unenviable position of having to pronounce the name of the South African pro. We found dozens of mispronunciations...
Louis Oosthuizen Hit The Fourth Albatross In Masters History At The Most Opportune Time
Louis Oosthuizen continued his run at becoming the third South African to win Masters with this amazing double-eagle on the second hole. It was the fourth overall albatross at the tournament, the first since Jeff Maggert's in 1994, and the first-ever on Augusta National's #2. [CBS]...
Boston College Is Your NCAA Hockey Champion, Though This Fan Passed Out Before The Game Was Over
Boston College dispatched Ferris State 4-1 to win tonight's NCAA Division I hockey championship in Tampa, and we wish the Eagles and their fans a hearty congratulations on their third title in five years. We don't know whether to congratulate or be concerned for this fan, though, who appears to h...
What Do The Frozen Four And Hepatitis B Have In Common?
This year's Frozen Four has a lot going for it. For the first time ever, it's being held in the South: Tampa, to be exact. And one side of the bracket features two untraditional hockey powers: Ferris State and Union College. Do you even know what state those schools are in? In this week's excerpt ...
Is Harvard Now Behaving Like Any Other College Basketball Juggernaut?
Four years ago, Pete Thamel wrote a story in the New York Times about how new Harvard coach Tommy Amaker had landed a potential recruiting class that experts ranked as one of the top 25 in the nation. How'd Harvard do it? Thamel reported that the school was considering players with lower academic st...
Cornell Defender Sends Her Team To The Frozen Four On Dazzling Goal In Triple Overtime
Lauriane Rougeau sent Boston University packing, and the season high home crowd of 2,143 Cornell fans into hysterics, when she slipped this one past the goalie to end what amounted to two full games of hockey played. Cornell won the wild game, that featured a three-goal-comeback by each team, 8-7....
At The Winter Classic, A New Year Belongs To Gary Bettman
PHILADELPHIA—These are supposed to be the treasured memories of the NHL's Winter Classic: Star-crossed Brayden Schenn's first career goal. Mike Rupp's mocking Jagr salute after his first score. Henrik Lundqvist stoning a penalty shot for the game. But they're transient memories, already fading....