There are many forms of cheaters in sports, and often the dumbest of them get the press because they’re as close to dumb criminals as one gets — and everybody loves a dumb criminal. The 2000 Spanish Paralympic basketball team that won gold despite only two of the 12 players actually having a mental disability? Parodying Johnny Knoxville in any facet of real life is monumentally dumb. Sammy Sosa not only juicing but also stepping up the plate with a corked bat comes to mind as historically moronic.
That’s not what we’re here for today though. Today is about the people who did it well. Rule pushers who had the public fooled — or are still fooling the public. I’m talking about the cheaters who’ve been looking for an edge since they knew what gamesmanship was. The person who Wii bowls 300s with eclectic form, or calls a foul on himself while getting blown by for the pickup game-winning bucket. “If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying” might as well be on their family crest.
Shoving weights in a 4-pound fish to make it eight? That’s not only stupid but also animal cruelty, bro.
Shoving all of your chips in because you misread your hand, and then returning your winnings? Either you’re an idiot or you cave incredibly easily.
Shoving vibrating sex toys up your ass to win a chess match? If you’re putting something in your rectum to win a board game (and not a bet), you need serious help.
The following 10 selections put forth a little more thought than the guy who checkmated his colon and range from coaches to players to teams to organizations to house trainers, so let’s get underway.