Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

The Closer: Thanks, God!

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.

Notes from a day in baseball:

1. What Do You Mean A Cloud Blocked Your View? Three things come to mind when looking at this photo. 1. Manny, apparently, can still hit. 2. What's he pointing at? 3. If David Ortiz isn't the fattest player in baseball, who is? Ramirez blasted a three-run homer in the eighth on Tuesday to give the Red Sox an 8-6 win over the Indians. We know it's all the rage these days to give a shout-out to Heavenly peeps at moments such at these. Everyone's doing it. But are we sure that the intended recipients are even watching the games in question? Watching a loved one's every game is a huge commitment, especially in Heaven, where there's so much other stuff to do. The TV reception must be fabulous though.

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2. But I Don't Wanna Be A Pirate! Almost as fun as watching a great team is watching one that is deliciously bad. The Pirates, so far, have proven to be such a team — the Plan 9 From Outer Space of the National League. After Tuesday's 6-3 loss to the Cardinals, the Pirates have lost six straight, where they've been outscored 30-9, and are an NL-worst 5-17. The've also lost 11 of 12 on the road. Sad, really.

3. Hey, What's With All The Old Guys? Remember Ruben Sierra? Sure; we also remember Billy Ocean and Family Ties. But unlike those things, Sierra is still around, and still hitting. His latest was an RBI single that helped the Twins to a 2-1 win over the Royals, breaking Minnesota's four-game losing streak. Of course, when Sierra came in as a pinch-hitter in the eighth, it was a bunt situation. But sadly the 40-year-old doesn't bend at the waist anymore. Well, it all worked out.

4. We Never Thought We'd Miss The Expos. Not much more grueling than attending a Nationals' home game? First you must contend with Screech, the Ritalin-deprived baby chickenhawk. Then there's manager Frank Robinson, who's just as likely to flip out and do something insane. Washington is 1-6 at home after a 6-5 loss to the Reds on Tuesday, in which starter Billy Traber lasted just 1 1/3 innings. The Nationals followed with five relievers. Time of game: 2:59. Time well spent, especially with important terrorism briefs waiting to be read back at the Pentagon.

5. Tiger Town. Let's hear it for Magglio Ordonez (3-for-4 with a home run), Jeremy Bonderman (three-hitter over six innings) and manager Jim Leyland (who has the Tigers at 13-8, their best April record since 1993). Tuesday's 5-2 victory over the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Near Long Beach makes us all warm and happy inside; a feeling we rarely get anymore unless someone's making pancakes.