There are many dads in America, and every day there are more. Many of these dads feel reasonably entitled to certain things—the right to put on their slippers and read the paper after work with their loyal hounds at their sides, for instance, or to just have a few minutes of peace and quiet, for Christ's sake. One dad, however, has created a blog dedicated to grading each and every Major League Baseball team based on what kind of free shit they are willing to send him to congratulate him on being one of this nation's many dads.

Here's how he explains it:

I decided to contact all 30 MLB teams on behalf of my 20 month old son, Mason. I simply sent an email to the franchise and asked if they would be nice enough to send him a fan pack. I also included a photo of Mason in my email.

I will be tracking the results in this blog and handing out letter grades for each franchise. Feel free to contact me with any questions.

Yes, this guy is out here just sending emails to baseball teams that essentially say, "My child exists. Please send us free shit," and then chastising the ones that don't meet his rigorous free-shit requirements.

Using a child as leverage to acquire free swag is strange enough behavior on its own, but there's a Rovellian creepiness to making the same request of all 30 MLB teams for the sake of publicly grading each team's ... brand awareness? Thank you for your service, sir. I'm sure your child is going to be overcome with sentimental attachment to all of these precious baseball artifacts that you acquired by sending a form email from your desk.