“Bone broth” is soup. It is soup and not some other, different thing. It is not new or fancy. It is not even a new kind of soup. It is soup. “Bone broth” and “soup” are synonyms.

Your grandmother’s chicken soup is “bone broth” with solid food in it. So is the French onion soup you get at a restaurant. So is pho. So is a can of beef-and-barley soup. “Bone broth” is not a new food item, but a new marketing term for a very old food item; the difference between consuming “bone broth” and consuming “a bowl of soup without any solid food in it” is limited entirely to the sounds you make with your mouth when telling someone what you just ate.

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This is to say that, at bottom, the “bone broth” fad is a scam. Whatever nutritional virtues water simmered with bones and aromatics and vegetables might have, it has had them for thousands of years, and you do not need to spend eight bucks on a demitasse of hot soup broth at a boutique eatery to benefit from them. You can get them by making some chicken stock in your kitchen, the way your great-grandmother probably did every Sunday of her entire adult life.

Now, a company called Crave Protein LLC, owned and operated by a certified personal trainer named David Crooch, has decided that the “bone broth” scam is not scammy enough for its liking, and has added another level of scam to this scam. These shameless, craven frauds sent me a PR email today, shilling a product called “Osteobroth” (osteo = “bone”; broth = “trendy food-word”), which purports to be “the first real Bone Broth in powdered form.”

“Real bone broth” is soup. Powdered “real bone broth” is powdered soup. The soup aisle of your local supermarket contains many brands and varieties of powdered soup. If Osteobroth powdered soup happens to have more protein or vitamins in it than Knorr powdered soup, that does not make it the first of anything.

Here is some of the other bullshit these hucksters wrote in their gross email.

Bone broth is the it food of 2015, especially among those following the Paleo or GAPS diets and anyone looking to reduce inflammation.

“Bone broth is the it food of 2015, especially among suckers and marks and desperate people being preyed upon by frauds.”

However, not everyone has hours to make homemade broth.

Luckily for those people, it takes like 20 minutes to chuck some bones, some vegetables, and some aromatics into a stockpot, cover them with cold water, bring the liquid to a low simmer, and leave it alone for a long time. This is why many people start the process a few minutes before they go to bed, and check on it in the morning.

“The purpose of creating a bone broth is to extract the natural bioactive proteins and minerals found in the bones and connective tissues,” says David Crooch, Osteobroth founder and President of Crave Protein, LLC.

Or, y’know, because you want to eat some soup.

“Our broth is optimally made, not only using the traditional cooking and simmering method, but also incorporating a proprietary pressure cooking step that is more effective at capturing the natural goodness [...]

“A cup of it has 720 percent of the USDA’s recommended daily allowance of natural goodness!”

[...] resulting in a richer solids content -while using no additives.”

Another way to achieve a “richer solids content” in your broth is to stir it occasionally while it’s simmering. Why didn’t anybody patent that shit?

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“Bone broth” is soup. Soup soup soup. If you want soup, make some soup. Or buy some soup. Or buy some powdered soup. It will be “bone broth” because “bone broth” is soup. “Bone broth” is soup. Osteobroth is a brand of powdered soup which happens to be sold by frauds. “I want to know what powdered soup sold by frauds would taste like” is the closest thing to a not-stupid reason for purchasing this product, which is powdered soup, and it’s still a pretty stupid reason to purchase this product, which is powdered soup.

Do not buy powdered fraud. “Bone broth” is soup. Good day to you.

Photo via stupid PR email

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