We have previously put forward the theory that Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is in fact a fancy dog. For those of you who scoffed at our perfectly sound reasoning, I present more irrefutable evidence that Tom Brady is indeed a dog, and a fancy one at that.
Have you ever met a person who is extremely into their pet, and insists on blowing a bunch of money on its all-natural diet? They talk kind of like this:
So, 80 percent of what they eat is vegetables. [I buy] the freshest vegetables. If it’s not organic, I don’t use it. And whole grains: brown rice, quinoa, millet, beans. The other 20 percent is lean meats: grass-fed organic steak, duck every now and then, and chicken. As for fish, I mostly cook wild salmon.
But that’s not a bougie pet owner talking about what he feed his show dog, it’s Tom Brady’s personal chef talking about what he feeds Tom Brady, who is a fancy dog. Later in the article, the chef explains that Brady isn’t allowed to eat tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, eggplants, coffee, dairy, or much fruit.
Hey, look, it’s Tom Brady trying to take his breakfast into the stadium: