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Today In World Cup Jingoism
"Our famous prayer is that the Americans don't make the second round," says South Africa's police commissioner, who doesn't want to deal with the headache of making sure President Obama doesn't get killed, should he visit. Thanks? [NYTimes]...

Joe Torre, Foiled By His Own Enormous Hog. Allegedly. GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Derek Jeter Says: Always Use Protection, Kids
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

This T-Shirt Is Not Torn And Frayed: Got Drunk, Got High, Got Tasered
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

Abbey Clancy Makes Her World Cup Prediction…
For those of you who prefer not to waste valuable shopping time reading up on the latest football relationships, Abbey Clancy is the lucky model who has long been on the receiving end of Peter Crouch's deep midnight kisses....

The "Andrei Kirilenko's Yearly Free Pass Watch" Reaches DEFCON-2
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

A Short Video About The Snazzy New World Cup Ball
Of course, when football was first invented, it was probably played using sheep bladders wrapped in velvet cloaks, or old fishermen skulls....

It's Taser Giveaway Night In Philly — Whether You Want It Or Not
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Later, Roy Williams Told A Masseuse That The Gulf Oil Catastrophe Was Nothing Compared To His Sunburn
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Not Invited To The Bachelor Party For One William F. Leitch: Jay Mariotti
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Obama's 20-Something Staffers Wind Down With Softball And Beer Pong, Like Every Other 20-Something
Our basketball-crazed President is something of a health freak, apparently, so it makes sense that his young staffers are physique-obsessed, too. They go to the gym, play pickup basketball, field a softball team and play beer pong with David Axelrod....

What Do Alexander Ovechkin, The Penguins And Jiffy Pop Have In Common?*
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Cockblocked By Luke Walton! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase six heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

The Commodification Of Tiger Woods's Whoring Continues Apace
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Seattleites Find Bango The Buck's Ladder Stunt A Bit Derivative
Two-plus years ago, Squatch, ex-Seattle Supersonics mascot, pulled off the same stunt that has made Bango the Buck a minor celebrity — off an even-higher ladder. It's so like Seattle to point out they've been doing something longer....

Meet The Flamethrowin', Free-Swingin' <em>2</em>-Year-Old
Reader Jay or Jason (he sent two emails) has a boy named Jake. Jake's here to push all those other kids out of the way. Jake is 2 years old. Let's go for broke. Where the 1-year-olds at?...

New USA Kit Looks Good On A Pretty Lady
Today, Nike unveiled the USA's World Cup home jersey. Solid, if unspectacular. To make it more palatable, here it is on a Playboy model. [Playboy] (Page is SFW, just don't click on anything.)...

"Balzer" Girl Just Doesn't Have The Same Ring To It
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

What It's Like To Eat Dinner With Bill Murray
So, either your letters have been answered or you're Wes Anderson: How do you navigate the minefield of social norms and potential faux pas and handle dinner with Bill Murray? New York Magazine's Jada Yuan lays it all out....

The Marquis Teague Scholarship-Revocation-Countdown Begins Now
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...