up Page 753 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Anelka Laughs Snootily At French Ban
After being handed an 18-match ban, effectively ending his international career: "They are real clowns these people. I'm dying with laughter." Meanwhile, Ribery got a 3-match suspension, and is dying with whatever his underage hooker gave him. [AFP]...

This Is Undoubtedly The Worst Cowboys Fight Song In Existence
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Foul Ball Couple Update: Bo The Bailer's Ex Makes A Semi-Nude Preemptive Strike
After Bo threatened to release nude photos from their ill-fated relationship, Sara Saco-Vertiz beat him to the punch....

Green Man Finally Wears Appropriate Color, Though Not Size
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Patrick Kane Is More Alcohol Than Man At This Point
It's apparently Patrick Kane week here at Deadspin. So please accept this dump of assorted drunken sightings of the Blackhawks hero tooling around with Jimmy Buffett, rocking the flat-brimmed Reds cap, and getting "iced."...

A List Of Other Things Thrown At Tila Tequila By Furious Clown-Faced Teenagers
The Village Voice's Camille Dodero was onstage when the former (?) reality star was attacked by the angry Juggalos. Yes, they threw rocks at her, but here's the list of other items which may or may not have pelted poor Tila....

Foul Ball Couple Update: Bo "The Bailer" Threatens To Leak Intimate Photos Of Ex He Failed To Protect
All is not well with our favorite foul ball dodging star-cross'd lovers, Bo and Sara. We've got allegations of infidelity, and the threat of dropping nude photos. Join us, on As The Bo Turns....

Patrick Kane's Drunken Stanley Cup Road Trip Rolls On
That crazy kid puts down the Twlight books for a second to bring the Cup to Wrigleyville watering hole Moe's Cantina. Drinking out of the cup, and using it to pick up chicks? You betcha....

In A Town Called East Hampton, A Man Called Mike Lupica Played A Game Called Softball
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Tila Tequila Attends "Gathering of the Juggalos," Suffers Predictable Fate
"I went onstage and immediately, before I even got on stage, DUDES were throwing HUGE STONE ROCKS in my face, beer bottles that slit my eye open, almost burnt my hair on fire cuz they threw firecrackers on stage." [news.com.au]...

Chris Chambers, Chris Chambers' Stalker Have Been Pronounced Husband and Wife
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter’s anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Circle of Life: When English Soccer Appears, American Beach Volleyball Disappears
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Breaking: Patrick Kane, Stanley Cup Stuck Atop A Ladder Truck In Downtown Buffalo
That is all. You may resume your business. [h/t Tom]...

Cockblocked By The Homeless! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure, where we chronicle four heartwarming stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Last Night's Winner: The Miami Heat's Smothering Of Banana Man
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Heat's culture of secrecy, which forbade local media from speaking to...a fan who wears a banana suit....

Bo "The Bailer" Gets His Spot Blown Up On Facebook
You're damn right I'm still ticked at an 18-year-old kid for ditching us for CBS. To that end, here's an amusing Facebook discussion on Bo and Sara's relationship status, featuring a cameo from Sara herself....

Ray Lewis Masturbating On A Pile Of Skulls Is Not Actually That Far-Fetched
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Last Night's Winner: Jim Gray, Sports Zelig
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Jim Gray, ubiquitous microphone toady, unlikely power broker, and apparently also something of a dick....

Tim Tebow's Hyperbaric Chamber Lets Him Use Oxygen Better Than You, Too
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Deaf Guy Getting Choked By Mall Security? Deaf Guy Getting Choked By Mall Security (UPDATE: Video Fixed)
This video shows some overzealous security person at a Los Angeles mall showing off his MMA classes on a possible shoplifter. Problem is, the purple-faced shoplifter is deaf, didn't hear the alarm, and...also may have paid for his items. [SmartCrew]...