We're down to the regional finals of our survey of the most thin-skinned, defensive fanboys in America, and apparently you people aren't familiar enough with the lunatics at TEAM BREEZY because Chris Brown's virtual harem got spanked in the Sweet 16 by Beliebers, who make such obvious targets. Here now are your regional finals:
SPORTS: Sox fans vs. Cardinals fans
We're left with two baseball fanbases for our final, which means that baseball is the bitchiest, most defensive of all sports. I think that's fitting. After all, baseball is slow and boring and no one really watches it anymore, am I right?
/cue stampede of angry MLB fanboys telling you the game has NEVER been more popular and that you'll appreciate the game more when your father dies
POLITICS: Christian conservatives vs. Gun nuts
Two right wing factions in the regional final? THIS BRACKET HAS A LIBERAL BIAS.
ARTS: Beliebers vs. Juggalos
Juggalos are the lowest seed remaining in the tournament but they hardly stand a chance against Beliebers, who have crushed everything in their path on their way to the Worst Episode Ever final. Frankly, I'd like to see Beliebers lose in the Final Four because it's just soooo easy to pick them, isn't it? I'm still convinced that 90% of Bieber's followers are just bot accounts.
Special mention this week to HIMYM fanboys, who sure do like automated laugh tracks!
CULTURE: Cyclists vs. Anti-vax nuts
Cyclists pulled the massive (in my mind) upset over pit bull owners, who were the #1 seed in the whole tourney. But now they face an even stiffer challenge in the anti-vax lobby. In a bit of an ironic twist, I'm told that Jay Cutler's old lady believes an hour of cycling each day can actually prevent tuberculosis.
Who will be our Bitchy final four? Vote below. Yes yes, I know this is already tiresome but DO IT: