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Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite reader mail. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors and writers are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

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Subject: mcgregor article

From: Steven B.

To: Tim Marchman

can you get off nate diaz’s dick please? let me know if we need to call emergency services to get his balls removed from your mouth using the jaws of life. diaz has never and will never win a belt, and only beat a top fighter when said fighter moved up two weight classes to fight him. diaz got thrown around like a little bitch by RDA and rory macdonald which proved he is not a legit contender, hence why he’s never and will never have a belt.now get back to your research like a good little boy and stop talking shit about someone losing when they’re the featherweight champion and have only lost once in the ufc when you write for… deadspin… for a living… pathetic dweeb loser. the closest you’ve ever got to a fight is watching ufc you pussy ass progressive bitch.

From: Tim Marchman

To: Steven B.

I fought your mom

From: Steven B.

To: Tim Marchman

and she beat your ass and knocked you out because you’re a progressive pussy that writes for deadspin. i fucked your mother in all 3 of her holes and then i sold her to ISIS for a chipotle gift card bitch. your mom is a sex slave to a guy with a beard who’s never taken a shower.

Subject: what are you, 17?

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From: Bob W.

To: Barry Petchesky

About your headline for your Coach K. rant ...

First time in all my 40-plus years sports writing I’ve seen the word shit in a headline.

Crude, disrespectful to readers.

What are you 17?

A kid doing analysis of a Hall of Fame coach is a joke. Says much about deadspin (desperation?) too.

Before you use 4-letter words on great men in their profession, you need to grow up, kid!

Subject: Duk Dynasty

From: Jon W.

To: Tips

Dear Deadspin,

Seems to me that anyone who calls someone who believes in prayer like Phil Robertson is really the one who is a bigot. My best advice for you is if you don’t like it, turn it off or go get a different job. That’s what I do with your website and it makes me really happy and also makes me the one who is in control. If you want to know why he prays in this manner read the book, The Harbinger. I pray that prayer everyday because the US needs a good honest leader.

Sincerely,

Jon W.

Subject: you have others to ask about trump as well

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From: Gill M.

To: Barry Petchesky

So I get your point - but your basically trying to bait Tom Brady into answering this question. I mean this is some next level TMZ stuff you got here. Just curious - why don’t you reach out to Terrell Owens, Dennis Rodman, Herschel Walker, and although he hasn’t committed to voting for him, Derek Jeter is a close friend of Trump.

I get it, if you write at Deadspin you have to be a 100% liberal and believe that every cop in America is a murderer (like that faggot Will Gordon you employ). But let TMZ do the bait questions. I mean in your mind you think Tom Brady is probably the scum of the earth and you would rather have Greg Hardy, or an ISIS leader as a friend rather than him. You probably also assume that he backs Trump in every walk of like - because that’s what friends do....oh wait, I have friends who are against abortion and I’m not? Looks like we can’t be friends

Like I said, stick to the “Cops are Terrorists” argument you guys love to push

Go fuck yourself and your family

Subject: Peyton Manning

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From: Rhonnie F.

To: Drew Magary

Drew,

I’m sure Tampa Bay fans are glad they didn’t listen to your stupid ass when you wrote your hit piece on Jameis Winston. While Mariota dink-and-dunked his way to injury and fumbles, Jameis carried a crap team to fringe playoff contention in December. And you actually get paid to write about sports? Wow.

I will say I did like your Peyton Manning article even though Douchespin is only acting outraged since his sexual allegation has now been brought to light in the mainstream (Caucasian) media. If you racist hacks actually cared, you would’ve covered this scumbag’s antics a long time ago. Pathetic. Keep harassing innocent young black men like Jameis. I’m sure they appreciate the motivation.

(no subject)

From: Shabaz H.

To: Kevin Draper

U fucking trash ass garbage white cracker don’t shit about basketball just think I live af piece of shit wanna be real columnist looking bitch come to Houston we’ll fuck u up so bad that u look like u just survived the holocaust gay ass punk

Subject: Kobe a top-5 Laker?

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To: Patrick Redford

From: John S.

You LITERALLY have no idea what you are talking about. Does your effeminate father OWN Deadspin?

JERRY WEST?!?!? JERRY FREAKIN’ WEST?!?!?!?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

You picked West because he’s white, right? Like everyone at your little faggot troll website, right?

Kobe was an all-star a record 18 times, is third on the scoring list (Yes, naming Kareem as the all time best Laker is a no-brainer - as evidenced by the fact that even you knew that!), and has FIVE FUCKING CHAMPIONSHIPS. How many did Wilt have with the Lakers? How many did West have?

Dude, just go over to Gawker so you can sneer at politicians for saying stupid things. Your trolling sucks because you know NOTHING about sports. Probably because your favorite sport is sucking off athletes.

THAT’S NOT A SPORT!!! ITS A HOBBY!!!

Subject: Your momma squeezed you out the wrong Hole you shit

To: Albert Burneko

From: Jason A.

You snot nose Poindexter hipster metro sexual dick sucker .. With your piss ant rage ,because your little prick cat satisfy your boyfriend .. About your little jerk off story about u2 .. Fuck your self and your mother ..... Then right a real story about what a little bitch you are ... Then suck another dick listening to Mumford n sons or what ever faggot disco you suck too ... Leave Artists out of your own private faggot hell that you live ..... I hope someone knocks your teeth in some day ...for the shit that you just squeezed out of your lame ass brain . Fuck you for all of eternity ...go back to your cock suckin now and turn up the volume on your kanye West so no one can hear you enjoy that 2 foot dildo you ride ... Bet you still live with your whore Momma ....fuck you ... Go away ....stay gone for all time ... Albert is a faggot name you faggot ...fuck your family tree ...fuck you

Subject: We get it...

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From: Ray B.

To: Drew Magary

Drew, we get it, you hate Donald Trump. You don’t need to mention it in EVERY article you write. Do you really think your little jabs are influencing voters or are you now just being a common and predictable Leftist tool? How about getting back to being funny instead?

And if I thought you were really serious about it,

Where’s the Hillary hate for her extreme corruption and criminal activity?

Where’s the Sanders hate for cynically promising free everything to everybody?

Where’s the Cruz hate for being a fake religious fundy?

Where’s the Carson hate for being a real religious fundy?

Where’s the Christie hate for his egregious small-town politics and bullying?

Where’s the Obama hate for scandals and failures too numerous to mention?

Why limit your hating? There’s a whole world of politically toxic people out there.

You hate Trump. We get it. In fact, we got it about 10 articles ago.

Leave the political commentary to the professional ass-clowns like Rachel Maddow and Bill O’Reilly and stick to what you know — public vomit mishaps and poop jokes. That’s your bread and butter.

Maybe it’s just election-year angst or who knows what... but you used to be an entertaining read before you got political

Subject: Hi

To: Giri Nathan

From: Will C.

No one gives a shit about your shitty name.

To: Will C.

From: Giri Nathan

Thanks for reading

From: Will C.

To: Giri Nathan

Hi Giri,I was really joking, I think you’re a talented writer. I appreciate what you do and I hope you didn’t take my email the wrong way.Thanks for the kind response and best regards,

Subject: Very interesting stuff

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From: Dillon L.

To: Barry Petchesky

I’m surprised that your paycheck isn’t written in crayon or poop since you work for deadspin. Try getting a real job and not being a fucking camel jockey american sportswriter wannabe. I hope your wife cheats on you with a black guy with a bigger dick because yours is probably tiny based on your fucking attitude towards everything.

Subject: Classless

From: Jorel J.

To: Albert Burneko

This article is a simple cry for attention that I decided to give you. To write an article like this on this important of a day to Kobe Bryant shows the lack of class you have and hopefully the company that employs you is second guessing their decision now. Congratulations for the attention you sought out with this ignorant article.

Subject: millenial article

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To: Hannah Keyser

From: Darren E.

Hannah,

Loved your article about the worst thing written bout millineals (i have no idea how to spell and no desire ever to learn).

I agree that marriage is screwy... Moreso, the stigmas associated with marriage imposed by older, stuffy, conservativish types is oppresive and wrong.

I like the idea of starter marriages... kinda wish i wouldve conquered the marriage oppressers earlier in my life so i couldve gotten a marriage under my belt...

Id probably be less intimidated by it now at 33... Am I really a Millinial at this age? I thought I was after gen X and before milennieall? Oregon Trail gen I was once told....

Anyway I wanted to point out one thing about the general feel of readin your article: you kinda sound like the recipricol of the people you are criticising... People who force marriage till death morals on everyone suck and you rock for criticising them.

But i feel like your so sold on the fact that you perspective is better that you kinda sound just like the people you criticize. Convinced and angry.

I think youre completely correct in your opinion... and thats what your article is, an opinion editorial fun read... Its a great article...

But i think your such a good voice on this issue, I hate to see it wasted on the news feeds that just send it down the agenda pipe that really just gets clicks, consumed, fed to the people hungry for it but doesnt do any real damage...

You should write a more objective piece about this issue... why do people get married? why are marriage till deathers so damn sure they know so much about family values? Why do millionials have such disregard for tradition? does tradition matter?

If you write a piece about marriage perspectives from an objective viewpoint I bet millions of those conservative moral marriage peeps would read it and gain perspective on this issue, hopefully abandoning some of their hard lines against modern ideas about the love law...

And maybe a moroneal or two might put their cell phone away during their starter marriages...

Anyway, just thought Id try and inspire you to write from a place of objectivity so as to affect change...

You have a very sharp pen and I think the world could use your words to progress, but your words have to at least have the veil of being objective...

cheers...

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