ESPN The Magazine’s Sam Alipour published a story about athletes using online dating today, and though the trend piece seems six months too late, the timeliness can be forgiven because of the anecdotes within. Athletes are just like us, in that they’re looking for people to hump.
Unsurprisingly, the younger players are more adept at Tinder. Cavaliers center Timofey Mozgov is not one of them:
So how does Tinder work? Don’t ask the Cavaliers. “It’s big in younger locker rooms,” guard Joe Harris says. “We’re older, so Tinder is probably foreign to these guys.”
“Teender? Show me,” says big man Timofey Mozgov, snatching my phone. “All right, what is it? A game?”
Sort of. Swipe left if you don’t dig her; swipe right if you do.
“I see, just random girls ...” Mozgov says, swiping rapidly, 10, 15 times, all to the right.
Um, dude, stop swiping?
“Trust me,” he says, just as he strikes a match. “She likes you! OK, we send a message: ‘Hi, can we meet?’”
The cavalier cupid is beside himself with laughter. “If you know girls like you, you don’t need to do the dirty works! So easy. I wish they had it before I got married.”
New Orleans Pelicans center Anthony Davis is whiffing. Someone help him out:
Just hit Play on Yo Gotti’s “Down in the DM.” The rapper describes the DM zone with bawdy lyrics that Pelicans big man Anthony Davis knows by heart. Still, “my DM’s not popping,” he says, furrowing his brow. “I don’t know what my problem is.”
Rambunctious beefcake Rob Gronkowski has a two-pronged strategy for the app:
Patriots star Rob Gronkowski tried Tinder four years ago just for laughs, he says, “and I was matching like crazy!” I tell the “chickmagnet4life” — seriously, that was his AIM screen name — I’m not faring as well. It hits him like a bolt of lightning. “You’re not killing it?” Gronk says. “You’re not doing it right.” The tight end offers two fixes: First, make like Mozgov, “Swipe right on everything. Get the ball rolling.” Second, make like Dangerfield, “Make them laugh. Just Google ‘Tinder pickup lines.’” (Sample: You must be a dictator, cuz I have an uprising.)
That one must be a hit. The entire feature is a fun, light read. Lakers guard D’Angelo Russell makes an appearance with some dating advice. Presumably, his interview occurred before he jeopardized teammate Nick Young’s relationship.