Apparently some people are confused. The US Junior Ryder Cup team has been attempting to make their shitty interpretation of the Shmoney Dance their official celebratory dance, and some people are buying in. But this is good. This is teachable.

Let's start with this: what you see above is not the Shmoney Dance. It's not even a dance, really; it looks more like the dancing equivalent of a new violinist's music if all they had to go off of for proper technique was a single viewing of grainy concert film. For convenience sake, we'll have to come up with a new name for whatever that thing is.

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The terribleness of their Bizarro Shmoney Dance (eh, probably too long) isn't confined to that one video. Here's another, showing more members of this Junior Ryder Cup team possibly dealing with the effects of a contagious stroke, or maybe trying to dance:

Hm. Lame-ass golfer kids, in unnecessarily formal golf wear, in front of palatial country club buildings. Got it: we'll call it the Money Dance.

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Here's another attempted Money Dance, which this time made it onto NBC, hopefully to correct some of the misconceptions these kids had about those convulsive motions of theirs:

Wait, not only do the kids themselves think they are doing the real Shmoney Dance, the damn anchor even thinks they invented it?

Alright, time to set things straight. Junior Ryder Cup team: that is not the Shmoney Dance. It is the Money Dance. Don't do it anymore.

Generic NBC Anchor #3112: that is not the Shmoney Dance. And those kids certainly didn't invent it. Stop encouraging them.

To America at large: the Shmoney Dance is dead. I know, I know, these kids' broke-ass version shouldn't ruin the party for all of us, but the damage has already been done. Let's just retire it now while we aren't too far behind. The real dance wasn't that good, anyway.